Nothing matters anymore

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I don't have the feeling I'm useful on this planet. Even getting out of bed is hard.
The thing is, everything went down and down and I cried a lot and now it feels like I've reached zero and everything froze inside and I feel nothing anymore.
The things that made me feel sad just don't matter anymore, and the things that made me feel happy don't matter anymore either. I don't want anything, I only want to lock myself up in my room and sleep. I don't want to die but I don't want to live either. It's just like I'm not in control over myself anymore and I'm on 'autopilot', just surviving until the next day.

It's 2 weeks until my next appointment with the psychologist, but it's only one hour a month so it feels like she tears open the wounds and I have to heal them myself because there's not enough time to help me.

Your life has a happy ending. All of this horrible stuff is just pain that you have to go through to get to the happy ending.

Go look at yourself in the mirror, and tell yourself that you deserve a happy ending, and that you are going to get a happy ending. Keep saying it until you believe it.

Force yourself to get out of your bed early and perform some activity that would make you happy. If there's nothing you can come up with that makes you happy, do something that previously made you happy. Even just getting your mind off things by doing something is better than not doing anything at all.

Sometimes you have to reach rock bottom before things get better. I know this from personal experiences, my life was a mess at one point and it was never going to change until I hit the bottom and it literally had to change. The only problem is this approach relies on extreme negative emotion which once you're at the bottom helps you drive yourself forward. If you really do feel nothing though then this may be different. Just remember; with the ups come the downs, but with the downs must come the ups. Perhaps try and go about feeling some sort of emotion somehow, even negative emotion can be useful, then you can take things from there. If you are unsure then discuss it with your psychologist next time you see them.

You definitely sound depressed. You may need more psych help than you are getting. Once a month doesn't sound like enough for you right now.

In the mean time, you need to distract yourself by keeping yourself occupied.

- Listen and/or play music
- Read
- Exercise
- Take courses, either in person or online
- Hobbies
- Join a club/other activities
- Volunteer/charity work
- Surf the I-net
- Watch TV

Whatever it is, do it. You really need to keep yourself occupied.