Anxiety, anger, and putting myself down

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I've found I've been putting myself down a lot lately, due to poor self-image. I would probably feel better if other people treated me better and didn't make me feel insignifficant, and that includes strangers. Today almost every person who walked by me gave me a funny look (more women than men), and it happens almost every day, but today it just made me feel upset. Usually I don't look at people, but today I just kept catching people looking at me as they passed, and I kept thinking, ''what am I doing wrong now?'' Honestly, if less people kept looking at me, the more I would feel comfortable and I might start to feel happy in myself. Having everybody looking at me funny makes me feel like I'm a bad person, and makes me feel like a target. Even when I'm chatting and laughing and joking with other people in a small group, people who walk by still look at me, so I don't know what I'm doing that's enough to make people stare at me funny. And just because I'm an Aspie it doesn't mean I'm walking around flapping my arms or whatever - because I don't do that, and I give off positive body language, even my friends say I have improved in that sort of thing, and it ain't my posture either because I usually catch myself in a reflection in shop windows and I look like I stand up straight and I don't look like anyone that deserves to be stared at funny and judged and shamed.

But it's what other people make me feel, is why I find it hard to accept myself. It's not just people looking at me - it's the way they push me out of the way in shops, walk into me in the street, turf me off benches so they can sit, and stand right in my personal space, practically standing right on top of me. It makes me feel angry because I don't do anything unusual and I just don't know what else people want from me. And then I start putting myself down, and I even get so het up about things that I end up writing nasty things about myself on Facebook, which doesn't do me any good because (my uncle says) the more you hate yourself, the more others will believe it and will begin to hate you too. People don't want a whiner, and you can't really keep harping on because people don't want to hear it, and it starts looking like I just want attention all the time, people to write things like ''you're not weird, you're a nice person...'' and people will get fed up with it soon and not bother to talk to me any more, and will just let me frown alone. I don't want that, so I'm going to tell myself not to write things like that on Facebook any more, but sometimes when I'm having a bad day, I can't always help myself. People always say I should express how I feel, but I do it too much, which also causes problems. People often tell me to stop putting myself down because I am a lovely person, but I don't think I give off ''I am a lovely person'' vibes if people stare at me funny and make me feel like I'm the most weirdest nutter in the world.

*edited*
I am not trying to look for sympathy by doing this post - I know some other Aspies here probably go through the same thing and might be able to relate or give advice. I am not expecting a string of posts saying ''oh I bet you're a nice person'' and so on. You can put that if you want, but I'm just saying I am not writing this post just to get attention and sympathy.

Do you think you have irrational thoughts regarding other peoples' actions? Almost like they're out to get you.

After being bullied, I noticed I started to think people did things on purpose; for example, they ran into me because they thought I was ugly and they would love to see me knocked over. Then I started realizing it might have been an accident. I'm clumsy and if I run into someone, it was probably because I am just that clumsy.

I guess what I'm trying to get at is that I started generalizing people into an evil category if they did something negative to me. I never thought it might have simply been an accident or that it just simply wasn't a big deal.

I'm not even joking when I say, but a few weeks ago I got upset when someone ran into me. Hours later I ran into someone by accident! It was the world's way of showing me that accidents can happen, that not everything is meant to be mean.

There are other things that just happen to me and don't see it happening to anyone else, like when people move my bag off the seat and throw it on my lap just to sit there, on the bus. And yet when other girls have their bags on the seat, I hear people asking them to move their bag. But me, they just feel free to pick my bag up themselves, throw it on my lap, and sit there without caring what I think of them or not feeling awkward or anything. I could never pick up somebody else's bag and sit there - I'd have to ask them to move their bag first, it is very rare that they will say no. And if the answer is ''because you look must soft and so people think they could just throw your belongings on your lap without you reacting'', but if I looked that soft, then surely it would be easier for people to ask if they can sit there and knowing I look soft they know I would definately say yes.

Also, when people turf me off the bench. Once I was sitting in the bus station with a lot of shopping bags under shelter because it was cold and raining, and there were other people on the bench, who were also young-ish, and some Chinese woman looked at me only snapped, ''excuse me! Can you let this lady sit down?!'' So I had to get up with all my bags, and everyone was looking at me and so I walked outside and stood in the rain. I wouldn't mind if the Chinese woman had been more polite and perhaps just asked everyone who was sitting, ''excuse me, is it OK if this lady comes and sits down here?'' and then one of us would have automatically got up and made room for the lady to sit. Even I would have been happy to get up and let her have my seat. But it's the way she only asked me to get up as though I was being singled out - yet again.

I am thinking of getting my hair styled. It might help, and it will definately make me feel happier inside. People have told me that making more of an effort with myself will boost my confidence, and I'm sure it will. But I find changing hairstyles hard, so I'm still plucking up the courage to ask the hairdresser, but I will push myself to do it if everybody says it will help.

You are right; you must be giving off the vibe that you will take it, not that you want to take it, but that you're passive (there might be a better word, but aggressive people are scary!). It sucks because you probably don't want to come off as a bitc* since you're so nice, but then since you are that nice, you'll be everyone's doormat. How fair, huh?



This is very weird to ask you, but do you look younger than your age? Sometimes when people appear younger, they get punished harsher than if they appear more mature. I love psychology, and like you thought earlier, appearances make a huge difference.
People who have baby features (large forehead, big eyes, small chin, etc.) are more likely to get punished harsher; it's almost like people treat them as a child and everyone is their parent telling them, "no! that's not good. don't do that!" If people look older and aren't nice, then others will explain away their bad behavior instead of punishing them for it (might think, "oh they must be having a rough day").

I have average-size eyes, average-size chin, average-sized face, and average-size forehead. I'm average all over really. It's not that - I just give off ''I am stupid'' vibes. I don't know how to stop it though - I stand up straight, I wear nice clothes, I have a handbag that I hold in a grown-up way (over my shoulder), and I have expensive boots and an expensive coat, which makes me look like I am earning to be able to afford really nice clothes.

I only get this s**t from other women, not men.

You should have said that earlier; women compete all the time. Some women go to any length to knock down a perceived threat.

I found this paragraph quite interesting. I think you may be doing what I do quite often. I always think people are looking at me and when I walk past someone or a group of people and hear them laugh I instantly assume they are laughing at me. Sometimes at work I will walk out back and hear the guys talking and when they clock that I am there they will hush, turn round and say "whatsup?", this makes me feel like they have been talking about me behind my back and later in the day when they are laughing whilst I'm over the other side of the room I assume they are laughing at me from before.

What I have slowly come to realise though is that 90%+ of the time when these things happen I am just associating a negative action or feeling with something that someone nearby me just happens to have done. For example, when I walk past a group of people and they laugh and look at me, they are not laughing at me they are just laughing amongst themselves and they turn to look at me instinctively as I walk by (I'm 6" 4' so it's only natural that my height makes heads turn). I know this because I do the same when I'm with a group of my friends, it's got to the point now where if I am laughing in a group and someone does walk past, if I don't know them then I won't look at them whilst I'm laughing because I don't want them to feel the same way I used to.
Also at work when I go out back and the guys hush up, I know there's no malice there because I know they are my friends, it's just that there are a few private conversations going round at work at the moment because people are being moved and the less other people know about it the less it will be gossiped. Again I know this to be the case because I have been privy to a few of these 'hush hush' conversations myself. So when I hear the guys at work laughing whilst I'm over the other side of the room I know the two incidents aren't related, I just created that link in my head as it seemed like the most rational explanation to someone like me who tends to think negatively like that.

I've come to realise that the only way I will stop these, frankly irrational, thoughts is to think more of myself (so I think 'why would someone make fun of me when I walk by them, they wouldn't') and not to think negatively about other people (so I think 'it's good to see other people having a laugh' and even in the unlikely event that they are laughing at me then at least I've brightened up their day, it takes nothing away from me if I don't let it). It may sound obvious but the power of positive thought can have a profound effect on the way you see the world. Instead of everyone being against you and everything being negative, everyone seems just as lost in this world as we are when you look at things positively. I hope some of this helps you out, if all else fails then just remember this next time someone bad seems to happen: some people are just asshats and they may never change so don't let their asshattery bring you down

Joe90, when you feel young people are definetely laughing at you, looking at them like they're stupid, then carry on acting neutral and go about your business. They'll soon wonder why theyre laughing.

And you shouldnt put yourself down. I think I know what the problem is though - you have probably heard too much about the autism spectrum and the traits, and its got you thinking 'omg I must be really odd everywhere I go and theres nothing I can do about it', then the thoughts turn into 'omg I am a bad person to other people then, I chase people away, people wont want to know me soon....'' That is not true, because you must remember these points:

--You're not ugly or deformed or unusual - you look normal like everybody else
--You're just another human, with the same rights as the next person
--People who know you are interested. People who don't know you just see you as a stranger, as much as you see them as a stranger
--Nobody is perfect
--Everybody has good bits and bad bits about them

In order to be able to let those points make you feel better about yourself, here's a few small tips to practice and trust me, they do work, whether you're aspie or no aspie.

--Sit up straight
--Stand up straight, shoulders back
--Walk tall, lift your chin up
--Stay neat and clean
--Make eye contact with others as much as you can
--Smile

As the saying goes: Smile and the world smiles with you, frown and you suffer alone.

And remember, it's OK to be shy. If you look a bit shy, people wont judge you against that. Im neurotypical myself, and I dont judge against people who look shy, and niether does anyone else I know. A few of my friends are shy themselves, and one suffers from chronic depression, but they dont get judged in public.

And stop putting yourself down!