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Upset NT situation

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abc123
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20 Mar 2012, 1:05 pm

Basically I've ended up in the situation where I asked someone with a baby to meet up as she was visiting near where I work. It didn't occur to me to buy her a present and got very upset when saw the others at my exercise class had and got a thank you card in front of me.

I thought I'd make up for it by making baby themed cupcakes as I like baking. I spent my only free time last night baking and decorating cakes. I put up with the fact she left me hanging all day as I had not arranged a specific time and she was not there to see me. She said she could pop over at the end. At the time I normally finish she then said the baby was grumpy and to do it some other time. I said I just wanted to drop off cakes, she said she could see me Friday. I don't want to go Friday and besides the cakes will be spoiled by then.

Now I feel really upset and don't want to tell anyone as feel really stupid. She doesn't even know I specially baked her cakes as you tend to surprise people with presents, and I don't know how to handle the situation now. I thought I was getting on great with people at the class who I met through her. Now I feel like the odd one out again and the illusion has cracked again. I have to face them Monday.

I don't want to tell my husband as he thought it didn't matter if I hadn't got her anything and now I look really stupid with 12 baby themed cupcakes. I have left them at work. I'm not sure whether to tell her or him as so stupid to be upset over cakes.
No-one ever seems to do anything for me, I don't know why I bother.



pastafarian
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20 Mar 2012, 4:46 pm

abc123 wrote:
Basically I've ended up in the situation where I asked someone with a baby to meet up as she was visiting near where I work. It didn't occur to me to buy her a present and got very upset when saw the others at my exercise class had and got a thank you card in front of me.

I thought I'd make up for it by making baby themed cupcakes as I like baking. I spent my only free time last night baking and decorating cakes. I put up with the fact she left me hanging all day as I had not arranged a specific time and she was not there to see me. She said she could pop over at the end. At the time I normally finish she then said the baby was grumpy and to do it some other time. I said I just wanted to drop off cakes, she said she could see me Friday. I don't want to go Friday and besides the cakes will be spoiled by then.

Now I feel really upset and don't want to tell anyone as feel really stupid. She doesn't even know I specially baked her cakes as you tend to surprise people with presents, and I don't know how to handle the situation now. I thought I was getting on great with people at the class who I met through her. Now I feel like the odd one out again and the illusion has cracked again. I have to face them Monday.

I don't want to tell my husband as he thought it didn't matter if I hadn't got her anything and now I look really stupid with 12 baby themed cupcakes. I have left them at work. I'm not sure whether to tell her or him as so stupid to be upset over cakes.
No-one ever seems to do anything for me, I don't know why I bother.


Doing things for others should be pure and independent of whether they do stuff for you. Do nice things cos it makes you like yourself.

You don't look stupid. You are overthinking. It didn't matter that you hadn't got her anything but its dead sweet you made her the cakes. Your friend isn't thinking about any of this and thats fine, she isn't putting you first at the moment cos she has a baby and is absolutely exhausted by that, thats why she left you hanging and you should forgive her instantly.

Text her and tell her the truth, tell her that you made baby cakes but didn't want to say cos they were a surpirse, you worry they might spoil so you could drop them off before?
Or should you put them in a sealed bag and then the two of you can stuff your faces on Friday?

that way she has a choice and if she says Friday again it will be because she has a baby and is totally knackered and overwhelmed.



Lene
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20 Mar 2012, 5:04 pm

Quote:
You don't look stupid. You are overthinking.


This! This! This! (I do exactly the same thing)

1. I don't think you needed to give a present
2. her baby will dictate everything from now on including last minute plan changes. Disappointing, but don't take it personally or a sign that she wants to blow you off.
3. dry cakes still taste nice :)
4. why should her cancelling because of a grouchy baby matter to the rest of the class? Nothing's changed with regards to them so you aren't 'facing' anything on Monday.
5. your husband's right (well, he will be once you tell him) :)
6. most people aren't thoughtful. I probably wouldn't have thought of buying/baking anything either. It shows you're a nice person that you went to all that effort. It's not expected.

also, bring the cakes on Friday. If she can't make it, share them round the class and at least the others will enjoy them.