Can't cope.

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I feel like I'm going crazy. Maybe I am already.

1.I'm a transsexual, and my gender dysphoria is geting worse.

2.My bones are starting to hurt because of low density due to having no sex hormones.

3.I'm trying to get diagnosed with aspergers, but was forced to do it through the school. So now my tutor knows I'm an aspie, and is having 'in depth' talks with me, making things worse since I hate talking.

4.A teacher reported to my tutor that there was a bullying incident in class. I'm terrified she's going to tell my dad, and he's going to talk to me, and worry about me, and make problem 9 more likely to occur.

5.Due to all my life s**t, I missed four consequetive homework assignments in maths, and my tutor is threatening to put me on report, and has told my dad. My dad is disappointed, my mum is disappointed, and I just overheard a phone call talking about how to motivate me to sort out my homework, and don't they know whats going on with me?????????? and why I can't bloody do it.

6.My tutor has started noticing that I don't socialise much, and spend most of the lunch break alone on my phone. She has told my dad. My dad is worried about me, thinking that I need to talk more (BAD) and need to make friends. She has also asked my dad for permission to "have a talk with the class, tell them I'm an aspie, and explain that I may seem hard to approach". Luckily I stopped him saying yes, but I overheard in the phone call with my mother that she wants him to say yes as well, and that in my own school, the headmistress "had a talk with the students" about something and I don't know what about or when or anything about that incident.

7.I am considering dropping out of school and going back in next year. I am a year ahead, so it won't matter, but everyone will be pissed off and disappointed in me. I'm really good at the work, but I just can't cope at the moment due to all of the above s**t. I also want to go to a college instead of a school, and one that doesn't know I'm trans.

8.I'm still upset about having to leave my cat in spain (see post I made a few days ago)

9.My distress at all of the above is showing and my dad (who leaves home a lot to drive my brother around the country because he lost his driving licence) is considering coming home every night, when the only reason I can cope his because he's away so much.

10. Just tell me what to do. I can't f*****g cope here.

Oh that sounds terrible, have you tried telling your parents you would prefer not to have it announced to the school that you have a mental condition. I mean it is a nice thought and they probably have good intentions, but in reality kids in high school are kinda jerks so chances are that would just give them more to bother you about. So maybe try talking to your parents about that.

When I was in highschool I knew there was something off about me, did not know what it was but if I did I certainly would not have wanted it announced to my whole school. So I can certainly understand why that would bother you. Also I did attempt to make friends at first but no one really liked me so I preferred keeping to myself at at school forcing me to socialize with some of those other girls would have been torture. So maybe try to explain that to them.

I think its up to you if you want to take a break but still complete highschool or drop out and get a GED, as far as I know community colleges accept people with GED's and can help you catch up on things and get some credit then you can transfer to a four year college. Or you could go to a four year to begin with if you take a break and still graduate but I highly recommend starting at a community college. It's really up to you and what your goals are, but that's just my recommendation. And don't listen to the people who give you crap about that...it is your choice what you want to do with your life, and it sounds like a pretty good idea.

Ah... we don't have GEDs here. College is the same as school here, kind of. The last two years of highschool, but different class style and stuff. And no lower school. Since I'm a year ahead, I would just go back next year instead of doing anything like a GED... So I don't think I have to worry about university, I just don't know how to deal with my parents. I'm 'brilliant' at maths and science, and they're convinced of my brilliance and infallibility.

Oh I see...lol I failed to look at your location it certainly does vary. Also I know kind of how that can be, but sometimes family members aren't very good at helping one get where they want in life. So I know it can be very difficult but try to remember it really is you're life and its up to you what you want to do with it. I kind of struggle with that too feeling like I can't live up to what family members expect but you can't live life trying to make everyone happy at least that is the impression I'm getting.

No worries. Still feel like crap, but I've stopped freaking out...