flat mate problems

Post Reply New Topic

Hey guys,

I recently moved into a flat with 2 friends from uni for a year until I finish uni. I don't usually like sharing my space with people (except for my family but even then only limited time) but I've known these guys for a long time and they're both quiet and nerdy so I thought it'd all be fine. I've ran into a few problems already and I'm just wondering if it's just me being me, and if so if anyone had any advice or help to offer, or if my flat mates are the problem and I should do something (or not do anything?)

The first problem is I'm at uni all day then come home and want to draw/write/play music which are all solitary activities (my flat mates don't play any instruments) and they get annoyed with me and say I'm anti social so I have to go sit in the lounge room with them while they do things like play on their DSs (it's not like they're sitting around talking to me) or make me watch tv shows or movies I'm not interested in which is a waste of time where I could be doing other things. It's not that I don't like them or want to hang out, I just need space and time alone sometimes but I don't want to make them upset with me.

Second thing is the thing that annoys me most. I like cooking and eating home cooked stuff like meat and veg but they never cook, they only get takeaway, and they eat/get it at 8pm or later, whereas I like a routine and I like eating at around 6pm. This may not sound like a problem but they've come up with this communal cooking rule so I can't cook for myself when they get takeaway. They always opt to get pizza or kfc when it's their turn to make tea, and I cook actual food and it's a bit unfair. How can I ask them to change their rule so I can eat what I want without upsetting them or sounding like a food snob?

Anyone have any similar experiences or advice?

Cad

You are being a marshmallow. If you are paying your share of the rent and the chores, then they have no right to force you to do non-rent and non-chore stuff that doesn't concern you. You each have your own lives to lead, and they are bullying you into living the way that they want you to live.

Just inform your room mates nicely, but firmly, that some of the rules you guys have set up aren't working out, so you are making some changes.

1. From now on, if you don't feel like socializing when you know that they just want you to be in the same room with them, while they ignore you to do their own stuff, or make you watch TV shows you are not interested in, just nicely say no--that you are going to do X or Y during that time as you are not interested in the TV show, or in sitting there and being ignored. Also, tell them that this is not a snub of them--rather you are the kind of person who needs a lot of alone time to recharge your batteries.

2. As for food, inform them that from now on you are all responsible for your own meals, and the clean up afterwards. Tell them that from now on you will be cooking your own portions of your own meals when you want home cooked meals, and that you will only chip in with them on take out or home delivered foods when you plan to share it with them. Tell them that if they want home cooked meals they will have to cook their own, as they have shown no interest in helping you with this so far, so you will no longer be cooking for them, just for yourself.

If there are any other problems just handle those the same way, but be as nice as you can about it, and pray for the year to speed by quickly.

I don't think this is a matter of whether they are really your friends or not. It sounds more like you guys just don't mesh too good when you are living together. Many people who get along great without living together, have found after sharing lodgings, that they are not as compatible in a shared living arrangement. So try not to let these problems break up a friendship. Just don't prolong the shared lodgings period. Once you are done with school look for another place to live.

Thanks Questor. I wasn't sure if I was being an idiot or not but I think I'll follow your advice. I told my brother yesterday and he said the same thing. One of my friends asked me if I was planning on staying in the house next year a week or so ago, and I said no because I don't want to be there longer than I have to. Thanks again,
Cad

Your roommates have weird rules!

Usually with roommates, everyone just does their own thing, and there's no rule that you have to hang out together, or eat together. I know it's probably awkward to try to explain that to them, but honestly - you have the right to do what you like, and be in charge of your own meals and cooking! Good luck

I don't understand their rules Kyra71....I lived with them in a dorm for 2 years (among other friends) and they both used to go to dinner together (dinner was on at the same time for an hour every night) but if I went later because I got back from uni or something (or wanted to get there later cause there's less people and I'm not a huge fan of crowds) they'd get upset and say I was avoiding them etc.

I also lived with this girl last summer for work and she didn't give a rats what I did but we were still friends... I thought that's what housemates were meant to be like. All we did was say if we were going somewhere (e.g. to the pub or out for tea and wouldn't be home until late) and that was it.