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talking to parents--whether ASD or not

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Frieslander
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09 Mar 2012, 8:40 am

When talking to my dad and telling him of my efforts to find a job, he often says, "We appreciate your doing that" when I would rather he say "It's good that your do that". Am I splitting hairs? Why don't I want to hear him say what he DOES say?



goodwitchy
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09 Mar 2012, 9:40 am

Just my opinion:

The first implies expectation (i.e.; that's normal and expected). It could be a slightly Narcissistic response. As if he is saying, "I've been the bread-winner and your extra income would be appreciated" - it centers the conversation around him.

The second would imply that he is proud of you, and you are taking steps to advance yourself and become financially independent.

Edit to add: my mom is Narcissistic. Impossible to please.


Edit to add 2: I'm sorry if I inadvertently killed your thread. It happens quite a bit :?


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AspieAshley
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11 Mar 2012, 11:12 am

"We appreciate that" might be encouraging you to look for the benefit of your parents rather than because it's the right thing to do in general. It's weird the subtle messages people can send with their choice of words, not just the "main" message.

By the way, I'm quite familar with idoms but I've never heard the "splitting hairs" one before. What do you mean by it?


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Frieslander
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13 Mar 2012, 10:55 am

AspieAshley wrote:
"We appreciate that" might be encouraging you to look for the benefit of your parents rather than because it's the right thing to do in general. It's weird the subtle messages people can send with their choice of words, not just the "main" message.

By the way, I'm quite familar with idoms but I've never heard the "splitting hairs" one before. What do you mean by it?


To me, "splitting hairs" is doing something unnecessary and overly parsing words.

Thanks for the reply.