I posted this on Facebook

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I find more and more of my friends say things on Facebook I don't think they would say in person. We don't get to see facial expressions, so we can't always tell the intent. Sometimes I am rather bothered by the tone of the posts, because I don't speak harshly to my keen and level headed friends. I hope they will afford me the same.

Tone is such an interesting and elusive creature, right?

And I find the opposite, on my FB feed. Lots of qualifiers before they get to the meet of their post.

And I'm also pleased to find not so much personal, gossipy stuff as I hear other people complaining about.

Recently a friend misunderstood something (political no doubt), and said some mean things. He later messaged me again, but never apologized. In person I think he would have. In person the misunderstanding would never have gone so far either.

I've seen that happen. I'm such an observer of human behavior (trying to understand it, failing always!) that I start to categorize things. I can tell how something will go, more or less, by certain variables of the people participating.

I'm sorry he didn't apologize to you, it may never have occurred to him (because it was online, and public).

Part of our challenge as individual ASD types is to determine which circles of bullsh** we cannot tolerate. We are more finely attuned, I believe, and less capable of having things roll off our back.

I tend to treat Facebook like a grand, neverending cocktail party. I don't talk about things there that I wouldn't talk about at a big cocktail party. Yes, I've been to cocktail parties where there are two guys arguing vociferously over something over in the corner, but just like on Facebook, they tend to just be selfish a**holes.

Last edited by mv on 09 Mar 2012, 1:38 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I am very surprised at how they have changed, these are friends I haven't heard from in two decades.

Everyone changes. Even you, if in imperceptible ways. Every moment brings new perspective and old "history".

Also, external forces can shape who we are. Here I'm talking about things like responsibilities and stresses and culture and "society". We make so many choices trying to satisfy all these things that sometimes we lose who we really are or want to be.

I find it's best to play it safe and not talk about politics on social forums, especially facebook. People tend to have strong views and may take offence even when none intended

Well, I've noticed fights in facebook escalate verbally to a much greater extent than they would if the parties were face to face. At least one of them began with a jokey comment that was taken literally, or by someone in a bad mood. That's the biggest reason Imtend to use emotes, they help establish the intent beindmthe message.

If someone takes something wrong I have on fb, I tell them they are free to unfriend me. Someone did the other day. I was sad because he's a vegan/libertarian aspie...so we had some in common...but he's 14, way too immature to deal with.