lonely and selfish

Post Reply New Topic

My fiance went on a holiday with his friends to LA and Vegas and I feel very lonely. I feel left out too, but I know that's not fair because it isn't his fault that he's my only friend and he should be able to have fun with his friends. But still I feel so alone and sad and I feel like I'm a bad person for feeling left out. I wouldn't dare tell him that I am lonely or disappointed that I didn't get to go because that wouldn't be fair to him. I'm afraid that when he comes back I won't want to hear about his trip or look at pictures and I won't be able to pretend that I'm happy he had so much fun without me. Why am I so selfish?
I just feel awful. It's like loneliness, disappointment, anger, sadness, shame, depression, and anxiety all mixed together into some terrible concoction. I don't think I'm fit to be in a relationship with anyone, I'm too needy and it's not fair to ask anyone to put up with me. I just can't seem to bring myself to break up with him because he would be upset, even though he'd be better off not having to look after me.

Let him know in a nice way and let him decide whether he wants to look after you. What you should be asking yourself is, do you love him enough to allow him to love you?

1. Buy him a photo album to put those pix in.
2. You need to find ways to occupy and distract yourself when he is not around.

- Exercise, the endorphins it releases will boost your mood.
- Read funny stories and watch funny shows. Laughter also releases endorphins.
- Get plenty of rest. Being tired makes us cranky, and depressed.
- Take up a hobby.
- Volunteer, there are people who are worse off than we are, and helping people will boost your self image.
- Join a club. It will provide another social outlet.
- Do chores you have been putting off. Besides keeping you busy, it will also make you feel good once they are done.
- Take courses, either in person, or online. Some of the online ones are free.
- Surf the web.
- Play computer games.

Remember, the key here is to keep occupied and distracted. It does help, as I use it myself to self treat my chronic lifelong depression. It will also make you less "needy" in your interactions with your fiance. Being "needy" is a real turn off, so this is important. Please do try giving some of my suggestions a try. I don't do all of them, but doing even one or two will help. They help me.

you are catastrophizing. just because you miss the guy doesn't make you selfish or mean you should break up. when he gets back, you will probably be so glad to see him that you'll be happy to enjoy his vacation stories along with anything else he says.