A happy post!

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I actually had a very long talk with my roommate today and was finally able to verbalize my issues, not just in terms of communication and social awkwardness, but even my sensory overloads, my issues with information processing and even my motor function issues. We are going to see a doctor next week and we are planning on getting me tested for Dyspraxia. Funny I have been stressing over trying to mimick everyone to blend in and I have not gotten on her nerves all day just being well . . myself and not acting like I have a script I have to test.

I mimic a lot, mostly because its how I have pretty much survived that way and I feel great that I was able to just talk about it. What has been stressful is that, I have done this for so long that I am not sure HOW to react to anything. SO, I have been very bland today and my tone has been sort of flat or the intonation is different it doesn't match the conversation sometimes, but at least my tone is not out of proportion. It is just hard to not have a copy script to use to talk. I am not sure how I will adjust trying to act Ok, but it has not been too hard. We talked for a long time and for the first time I think she has the big picture. At least this time the stress is not worry over loosing my family.

Well done (I think). I behave most normally around my family, who know all about AS traits, but still act around most people. It's better being yourself isn't it? And having someone to explain it to who will listen really helps.

If you can keep it up with this person (the talking and the behaving like you), then I think you'll be a happier person.

Well done! You should be proud of yourself

Thanks guys and I AM pretty proud. I still have issues in public but now instead of feeling I have to suck it up and end up snapping (which I think is a sort of melt down for me), I can turn around and tell her "D, I feel really bad too much is going on." And she will help me. Or if I do get too overloaded to be quiet about it, she asks me if I am ok or what I need. She has been my best friend for nine years and we have lived together this long. Way before I knew of autism at this degree, way before I understood all of this, she bared my horrible moods and my obsessions. I remember once I was having such a crappy day she went out of her way to get me a rainbow slinky (I am obsessed with curves and spirals).

Overall she is really really cool. I am going to the doctor sometime next week, and will see what happens. I am not sure I will get the diagnosis that I know for sure fits me (AS) but my friend that is going through therapy said that the doctor is very good, that he wont try to lead me or disregard me or even flat out ask me "whats wrong with you?"

Doing stuff without a script is hard but I am learning to sort of, not use them. I fall back into them, its whats safe, or I stay quiet, but I am trying. I stutter a lot when I do not have a pre-set for being around people, but today has gone a bit better.

Yay me! After over twenty years, I had a good night of sleep, I had a shoulder to cry on when I had a meltdown. I feel like I have my family back. Wow.