trying to trust life.

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it just seems like everything will have to always be hard, but maybe that's life. And I'm trying to be grateful for what I have. I know that I have a couple of people who love me and are trying to understand me, in whatever way they can. But it's still always such a struggle to understand and make the newer the pieces fit. I gotta focus on the good things.
I've tried very hard to make things right for myself. To try to understand what is happening and to make sense of what I've been through. I need to come to terms with the things that have happened to me and to have some sort of closure with the way I think they're going to be.
I have no idea what's going to happen. I can only assume it's going to be a lot of the same confusion and misunderstanding. Not only can I not do anything about the way other people are, but so much about life is out of my control and now I realize that. Even my brain can't fully be trusted all the time. Judging by my reactions to so many things lately, even when I'm trying really hard to do the next right thing, I still fail to do so much of what needs to be done. I really want to be able to understand what I need. I feel like I need peace in my heart-to make peace with myself.
I wish I had some security. It doesn't exist, and it's when I feel the coziest that the truth of my vulnerability pierces my awareness. I don't wanna be pessimistic. Even if I leave everything exactly the way it is for the rest of my life, life will come and slowly, or perhaps even quickly, take it all away. I anxiously sense every new occasion to adapt to ever-changing circumstances, it's always changing. I just wanna find a way to be okay with that. It's not always bad. At least I have two feet to walk on right now.

Yes, life is hard, and more so when people have disabilities, but sometimes, even NTs have problems, and they have to just muddle through, too.

In my case, I managed to qualify for assistance several years ago, which provides me with the funds necessary to pay my bills, and reduced a lot of the financial stress. I now live alone, which has greatly reduced my psychological stress. I have learned a number of copying methods in over 5 decades of life, which are more effective now that I have reduced the stress from the other two areas. Too much stress definitely interfered with the effectiveness of my coping methods, because it overloaded my psych system. I still have problems. Because of my other health problems, including IBS I have been having trouble keeping up with chores, but I plan on getting a tablet PC soon, which I can take in the bathroom to catch up on my email and other sites some while I am tied up in there. That way I won't have to spend as much time using my desktop PC, so I will have more time to do the chores. I am looking forward to that. Just thinking about the help this will be has helped reduce some of my stress over the chores not getting done.

It's really a matter of "If life hands you lemons, make lemonade." It does help, although my lemonade is somewhat on the tart side.