Hitting you when you are down.

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Sometimes I think the world is full of morons.That there is no possible way I could ever get a break . . . the more I deal with people the more I know I am a f*****g genious.

It goes as follows. I finally heard of a good doctor in the area at a price I could afford. He refused to take me unless I was participating/qualified for a bipolar/depression/schizophrenia clinical study (of meds). My roomate, whom was supportive three days ago, suddenly changed her tune

"Maybe this is a sign that you do not need to see a doctor. Everything happens for a reason"

Almost argued cause and effect but just shut my trap and have been quiet most of the day.

Had a meltdown when I got off the phone. I usually have quiet, withdrawal ones. Today I was hurling stationary across the room and yelling. They where outside so no one noticed, thank god. I do not think i could have bared another "tantrum" and "appropriate behavior" conversation today, I am just not in the f*****g mood.

Things where FINALLY looking up for me. I feel trapped and no one is willing to give me a freaking break. Apparently being quiet is having an attitude, responding with a strange tone is having an attitude, wanting to be alone is me being a b***h and brooding. WTF am I supposed to do? I am sick and tired of saying, diagnosis or not, I KNOW i am f*****g autistic, I may be autistic but I am not f*****g stupid and I know how to reaserch and I know how I feel and I know me. Christ.

I want a diagnosis so I can rub it in the face of people who call me perpetually selfish and childish. Petty, I know, but i am just being honest. I hate it that when I try my damnest to be ok, and I get told I did, they turn around and say "we havent argued because you are doing better, but because we did not want to bother ruining our day arguing with you".

I f*****g hate my life. I hate being female most of all. Apparently being an autistic female is just totally not possible in most circles. I bet you that no one would f*****g beleive me unless I was sitting in a corner somewhere stacking batteries and memorizing all of the countries that start with the letter M (wow I should look that up . . . s**t I digress got distracted).

You guys get the picture. It sucks to be different. It sucks to be bombarded all the time.

I f*****g hate the world.

It sounds like you might need to find a new niche in life to bring new and different people into your life that accept you as you are.
It's not just a Aspie female thing.. I too despise the 'Things aren't really ok I was just "holding my tongue" but was really fuming that you can't just be normal...' B.S.
Hang in there!

Thanks =)