Setting a timetable for the inevitabilities...

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I have reached the final river (spring break) before I graduate from college. It has not been an easy semester for me. At the very beginning, my youngest sister and dad fought over my dad spanking her son, and she was either gone or tried to make me watch her son for the week before I went back to school. Although they have been fighting for more then 5 years now, since this last fight, my dad has been increasingly depressive and talking about wanting to go to sleep and not wake up again. He told me and my other sister tonight that he feels like he wants to give up and die. He said he never felt his age before, but now the sense of aging is palpable and he is not feeling young anymore (he is currently 71, 72 next month). He feels like nobody is helping him (I am watching my youngest sister's son because she wants to be lazy and not deal with the difficulties of her child to give my dad some free time away from watching him, and I do the laundry and wash dishes as well). He is single and twice divorced. But he says he feels like he has lost a lot of joy because of dealing with my youngest sister and the lack of freedom from watching her kid for her. I'm worried about losing him in the near future (read: maybe within the next couple of months). Other than an old shoulder injury, he is apparently physically healthy. But I'm worried I will wake up one morning and he will be dead. I also worry how I would carry on my education for a few more weeks if he died suddenly. I don't know, maybe I'm paranoid

She is unemployed, but in college. I don't really know what her grades are like, but they apparently got her a financial aid warning last semester, and my dad is predicting she will get a financial aid suspension at the end of this semester. He found out today she's been hiding beer and my dad is worried about her drinking and driving his vehicle (since it is the only one he has). She has 20 month old son, but she only acts like his mother when she wants to play with him (for 5 minutes at a time, then she slinks back to her room and naps or plays The Sims on her computer, or if she thinks someone is mad. My dad says she uses contact/lack thereof with her son as a weapon. She recently made a rule of "no cussing" around her child, but she swears copiously around her son and she hasn't said anything about my other sister swearing.

All of the fights between my dad and youngest sister over the past several years have led to various nervous breakdowns and prolonged periods of extreme anxiety for me. The only place I can escape from the torment is when I sleep and have dreams. I increasingly fantasize about a life as a fanboy after I graduate and move out. I feel like I am losing touch with reality, but reality seems like it is becoming ever crueler. I have noticed myself becoming less polite and more irritable around other people in the last several months. In addition to fears about my dad dying before I graduate in May, I am fearful that the temporary "ceasefire" between my dad and sister will break down and she will bring him in to me all the time.

1. Your dad needs to take his car keys back.

2. He needs to set up some house rules, including no boozing up, and no free child care, as he is not up to it, and you have your own studies to keep up with. He also needs to tell Sis if she doesn't keep to the rules, and keeps dumping her kid on the two of you, she will have to move out.

3. If she looses her financial aid, and has to leave school, Dad needs to tell Sis to either get a job, and pay him rent, or she can't stay. He has a right to age in peace. If she makes a fuss about the kid being homeless with her, he needs to tell her that the kid can stay, but she has to go, as he won't have her driving him up the wall, and disobeying house rules any more.

4. If Sis breaks the rules, but refuses to leave, then Dad needs to pack her stuff, put it outside, and change the locks.

5. Keep a log of the problems and arguments your sister causes your father. If your dad can't muster the strength of will to take on your sister, then contact the state agency that deals with the aged in your area, to report elder abuse by your sister. The log will come in handy then, as evidence.