Could my life change?

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Hi all

After those years struggling get friendships and relationships hold together with people at college and university over past 4 years. Because of alcoholism, bad attitude and lack of acceptance of people seeing me. Hence they always see me as in wrong way. I only get along with one person per semester only recently from last year to now. Because the person is not judgemental of my conditions. Lot of people doesn't accept me socially. Getting me to miss out on things.

First of all, I don't drink alcohol, I am a virgin because I don't get with drunk girls to have fun with. I have morals. I don't like weak and selfish people. It always lot of people go have sex and skinny dipping these days when they are drinking. At some results, if they are together with same people it still likely to occur as well because they are comfortable each others. So, lot of people aren't comfortable with me at all, because I don't drink and I am suck at verbal communication. Sometimes I get jealous at the people I know they get sex and skinny dipping. Its sad for me. Most people say it not big deal. That sound so stupid to me, making everything in my life is not a big deal. This is BS!

I am finishing uni this November (finally), then planning to do working holiday program for 12months to Aspen Colorado and rest of US from December this year. Does this help my life to improve? Could be any better than like what I have been experienced for past years? Could lead to better opportunities for sex and skinny dipping?

Not sure if anyone going to answer that here. Thanks.

When I was 21, I allowed some "friends" to talk me into hiring a prostitute. And even though she seemed to be a decent person and seemed to try, it was not a positive experience.

I wish I had remained a virgin. That's what I'm trying to say.

If you're matter-of-fact about being a nondrinker, I think most people will respect that. In fact, it's kind of a test. If someone doesn't respect this, they're probably not a person you want to spend a lot of time associating with. The only social skill to add might be to invite someone to a date where drinking is not a major emphasis, or if it is, to give her a heads up. And it's probably okay for her to have one or two drinks even if you don't (hopefully only one). I tend to think people are less interesting when they drink.

Welcome to the States this December. Many people here like an Aussie accent. I read somewhere on the Internet where this guy (who may have been aspie before I knew about aspie!) recommended first making platonic female friends and a broader social circle, and then one or several of the platonic females friends might be happy to introduce you to a potential romantic partner, or hanging out with a group including females at a sporting event or lecture or art event makes you appear more attractive and appealing. In any case, that was his theory. And I like the idea, not as a single path, not as the "only way" to do things. But as one more path, sure, probably a good approach to add one's repertoire and a good opportunity to accept if it comes your way.

Surprisingly, I think some people who are drunk can fall into Aspie style communication! Which for me, if I'm not careful, consists of all sending--no receiving. If it's one of my big topics, I can keep going and going and going. Or, I'm trying to make a point and I use an analogy, and even if the person is interested in the analogy, I want to bring it back to the point. So I end up dismissing or ignoring the person's contribution.

I've had some success in drawing a distinction between what I write, where I can be more long-winded, versus face-to-face talking where it's usually better to be more loosey-goosey.

I have also had some success making a conscious decision to turn down my internal censor so that my default setting is that it's probably okay to go ahead and say it, unless it clearly jumps out at me as inappropriate.

Now, I wish you all the best with your working holiday. Straight up, some of these outfits are scams or quasi-scams. But here's the silver lining. If it turns out this way, you could be a low-key leader. Yes, we're going to be strategic and complain as a group, maybe even understate our complaint for strategic reasons, but then be ready to follow up a second, third, fourth time. And this adversary may give some shared solidarity and the beginning of friendship. No guarantee of course.

Wanting a specific experience can be a trap. It's like someone going on a religious pilgrimmage wanting and expecting a particular type of religious experience. That probably isn't going to happen. But a different kind of magical experience may happen if the person is open to this. Please be open to America in all its wonderful, unpredictable everything! But please don't expect something overly specific. (I myself am happily agnostic. I am using the example of religion as an analogy.)

I'd like to share two examples about dating.

I met a woman at a chess club, which is just plain good luck because there's hardly any female members! But we kind of hit it off, and I'm glad I got to meet her. She was four years older than me.

When I was in my late 30s, I met a woman at the Sierra Club. I felt the club didn't really do enough activities. So, pre-meeting, I was sitting at a table with a clip board asking if people were interested in early morning Saturday hikes in Houston (we have parks and bayous). I think it's appealing when I take an active role even a leadership role. And these skills are so much easier than the vague skills of just standing around. Someone is either interested in a hike or they're not and either way is perfectly okay and we might get talking about something else. I did hit it off with one of the very first female members I talked with. We dated a little while and I'm glad I got to know her. Now, at a future meeting, a former leader told me that if I wanted to do something like organize hikes, I'd have to go through a committee, get it approved, because we have insurance, etc, etc. That's the downside. If you do something unique or original, you might run into opposition. But, I like the idea that my skills are patchy, that just because they may not be so good in some areas, they still may be excellent in others. And low-key leadership is one more open field available to me.

Good read there mate. I have no idea how much my life has changed during my college/uni years since I started in 2009. Since last semester of 2011, I found someone who is non judgemental and she was pretty much only person I hang out and studied together a lot. As she is US student exchanger, she gone back to Hawaii/Colorado afterwards. We had road trips, island trips, study sesh, beaching and all of that for entire time. I learnt so much about social skills from her.

Eventually, at beginning of this semester of my final year, I met someone else again. She is also from the US as well. Going through same process now. We both heading off to the island this Friday, and going to on road trip to different place as before next week for Easter holidays. We both already hang out to beach, rock pool and that kind of stuff. Yet my social skills seem a bit same, learnt a little more about her. So not sure it much change compared to finish my uni degree and heading off to US for 12months visa program.