Feel bad for being left out

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I think my NT and aspie traits is hurting a lot of people here at uni. For the lecture recess (mid term holidays), my friends whose used to be at same uni as me are coming up for their graduation and catching up with everyone here. They told me they going to meet me and hang out during that week. Unfortunately, the down side what makes me feel bad, that I thought this girl (who is friends with all of my friends and myself) going to invite me to her 21st party on the island. She didn't invited me, leaving me out and invite whole entire group of my friends. Beforehand, I invited same girl to my 21st earlier in year and she didn't come. Now does this believe something is she not a friend? It sounds cruel to me. I told my friends about this and they were so surprised about it.

So what made me to believe that, there are still few people are so racist and discriminative to people like myself and other aspies/or disabilities etc. I hate this thing, I didn't even done one slight thing to cause this issue of not inviting me. So the bright side, other friends told me they will take me places and won't leave me behind. So what made you think this sounds bad? Leaving people out is dangerous. Some people are sensitive, this can cause harm their selves. Well, I didn't do anything to myself which is good, but I got angry at her because I was positive and though I had potential for going.

So I have experienced this similar issue before this as well. I believe so many people are not comfortable with me for some reason. But, I am comfortable for being myself. I think people are so f****d UP in their head. It like in some cases they think like not inviting me because of spontaneous things could happen. Why I eager to miss out on the fun intentionally? This is massive excuse in my life. It pushes me away from things that I get opportunities. Pushing people away is making you to disrespect. This is very bad thing.

So do you think I can tell a counsellor about this? Make them to get an appointment so counsellor can tell them what they did is wrong? I thought of this because it could be best way for them to improve before hurting more people.

One thing, I never hurt people. But people hurt me......so don't know what is going on in my life. Fucken hurry up uni! November hurry up I wanna complete my degree and let me get outside of smallest world so I go travel and meet better people. BETTER THAN YOU DUMBWITS!

Sorry for ranting, I'm well managed about this. I just showing some emotions thats all. I'm sure you guys have similar scenarios as well. Thanks for listening.

I'm sorry you are feeling bad about what happened. I've been left out of so many things when I was younger, and I do understand how you feel. I also want to make some points that I hope you will consider and that can help you.

There will always be some people who don't like you, for whatever reason. Nobody is liked by everybody, and nobody is included by everybody. She didn't come to your party, so that's probably an indication that she may not like you or may not like socializing with you. If she had come to yours and then didn't invite you to hers, that would have been very rude. As it is, I don't think there is much that you can do about this.

People dislike others for different reasons. People don't always hit it off and many times, personalities clash. That's ok, because everybody doesn't have to like everyone else.

If you want to talk to the counselor about this, I think that's a very good idea. I do not think it's a good idea to have the girl forced to go to the counselor about it. She is not obligated to invite you to her party, or to like you, or to socialize with you. Nobody is obligated to do those things with anyone. We are all free to choose who we socialize with. No one should be told that they have to hang out with or invite, someone that they don't want to invite. Her party is about her, not about making anyone else feel good. The point of a party that anyone throws is to invite people they enjoy and to do the things they enjoy with those people. Some people do throw parties for others enjoyment and that's cool too; what they get out of it is making others feel better.

My point is, you will never have everybody in the world like you. You will never like everybody else in the world. You would not want to be forced to have someone at your party that you didn't like, and she shouldn't be either. Socializing is a choice. We can choose to socialize or not, and who to socialize with. Choosing to socialize or choosing to socialize with someone doesn't guarantee that others will want to socialize with you. It's like that for everybody. It's not fair to invite everyone except for one person and it's pretty rude to do that, especially if everyone is in pretty much the same group.

Discrimination in social affairs is something that everyone has a right to do, whether it's because of race or religion or nationality or handicap or personality, it's still something that people have a right to do. It's not like housing, employment, education, etc. It's easy to forget that it's not and to take more offense than the situation warrents when it happens.

I am sorry that you are going through this, but I want you to know that everyone goes through this many times in life. Please don't let her choice of who to invite bother you. She's not your friend, and your friends sound like they wouldn't do that.

Thank you for clear that up. So I deleted them on FB. So what I observed that if I post something (not oftenly) on their wall or invite them to something and they don't response to me compared to other people < that mean they aren't my friends. So true, I guess I don't have enough friends to give me opportunity to get socialize and that. I'm always have one person to hang out each time every week. Don't know why.

I feel so bad for myself getting into this position in the world. I may feel that my life is most of 'bad luck' or 'curse' to bad things. I guess there wouldn't need me at all. That just such waste of opportunity for me. Don't know if its me where I am, I'm at uni for my final year in city of Townsville (northern Australia). Does that kind of geographical perspective is limiting my chances? Could I should move to larger city or even larger country, like US etc? Or me live in city of Brisbane, the capital of Queensland?

Why it has to bring me something like this? I am nice person, never done anything stupid, even lost a point in driving licence, doesn't drink alcohol or smoke because its stupid, dangerous and bad for your health, I haven't raped someone, haven't even excuse things that cause harm to anyone......................why people out there see me as a threat or social awkwardness like this? People doesn't like nice people like me any more? How trued!

I know how you feel, and it hurts. I've been excluded from a lot of things like parties, etc. too, unless I was DJ'ing there. Not that I'm so young anymore, either... I'm 48... and my in-laws exclude me from 99% of the stuff they do. They're ashamed of my AS, and ashamed of my wife's cerebral palsy. Unfortunately, there are some people who discriminate against anyone with a disability, and / or for other reasons. All anyone can do is try to stay away from people like that, and try to find others who are more accepting to hang out with. It's not easy, I know. Hang in there, and hopefully you'll find others who are more accepting soon.

I hate when people judge on disabilities. It like they don't say anything, but they act like it. Being pretenders, I think those NT are really have their own disabilities in terms of racism, discrimination and violence.

I hate it so much, wonder why my family and some friends say my life will get better after uni. Pftt as if, they told me same thing from high school!! ! Oh come on, whats the truth!?

I seem to run into exclusion just about everywhere.......and usually its blamed on me, because I should just be more normal and not provoke people to hate me. But I've kind of started just accepting it as part of my life and trying not to feel too bad about it. But then of course I could get crap for not trying to conform and people trying to make me feel guilty for accepting that I don't fit in.

But yeah I certainly can relate to being excluded, and being upset about it.

I don't know anything at all about Australia, I live in Alabama in the US, so I couldn't tell you anything about how the geography is effecting things.

You said you have friends and people to hang out with, so one person not wanting to be your friend really isn't a big deal. It's actually normal. If everyone were nice to you and wanted to be your friend or hang out with you it would be suspicious, like how they do with celebrities because they want something from them.

You are never going to have everyone like you. It just doesn't happen. You could eventually be in a position where you have enough power or prestige where everyone will act like they like you so as to not make you angry and do something to them, or to make you happy so that you will do something nice for them, but there is no one on the face of the earth who everyone likes and there never will be.

Personalities are all different. Everybody has their own preferences for what they want in a friend. Sometimes even if someone meets those preference criteria, there is just something about their personality that rubs the other person the wrong way, without even being able to put their finger on it. It probably isn't that anyone sees you as a threat, and since you already have friends your social awkwardness probably has nothing to do with this either. There may just be something about you that rubs the other girl the wrong way. It's not a big deal. I'm sure there are people who rub you the wrong way, but those people have other friends who they don't rub the wrong way. Everybody has preferences. Yes, people like nice people, but again, being nice doesn't ever guarantee that everyone will like you. Niceness has nothing to do with it. People do not have to like you because you are nice. It's probably not your AS that causes her to not want something to do with you. It's not always the fault of the AS when someone doesn't like one of us. Because you have other friends, you obviously are somewhat socially capable. This is probably just a case of your personality not being the kind that goes well with hers.

Here is a metaphor. You have heard the phrase "You can't fit a square peg in a round hole". In this analogy, the peg is the personality of the person who is the potential friend, and the hole is the personality of the person who is giving the party. Everyone hole is a different size and shape. This girls hole is round. Any other shape will not fit into her hole, and will not work as a friend. The potential friends peg is round, but it's not the right size. It doesn't fit and it doesn't work right. So, just because you can fit a round peg into a round hole, doesn't mean it's a good fit.

One thing thats important about making friends is to be able to realize when it won't work. If someone who is a potential friend isn't all that fun for you to hang out with, then you shouldn't keep trying to be friends with them. You shouldn't force yourself to try to hang out with or be friends with somebody whose company you don't enjoy. You may be the type of person who enjoys many different people's company, but she may not. I'm the type of person who doesn't like to do a lot of socializing with most types of people. I'll go out somewhere with them every once in a while, or I'll invite them over or go hang out with them, but most people just aren't enjoyable for me to hang out with. It's not fun and after a while it's uncomfortable, even if they are nice and even if we have things in common. I don't dislike them, I just don't want to do things with them. On the other hand there are a few people who I am very comfortable with and who I happily do things with whenever they want me to, and I'm never uncomfortable around them. I would invite those people to my party and not invite the other group that I liked but didn't enjoy doing things with. I completely understand that.

I'm sure there is nothing wrong with you, and I doubt the girl wanted to make you feel bad. She just picked the people who she wanted to hang out with and do things with at her party. It's no reflection on you, it's only a reflection on her personality and her tastes.

I want to address two other things that I didn't put in my last post. One of the things is something you said in your OP, and the other one is something that I seem to pick up as an overall tone among many of us with AS/ASD.

The first is that you said leaving people out is dangerous because they could get upset and hurt themselves. Yes and no. Yes, some people are very sensitive and when they are left out they could get upset and hurt themselves. No, leaving people out, in and of itself, is not dangerous. The danger can be caused by the people who leave them out knowing this about the person and leaving them out in a rude or mean way. It can also be caused by the sensitive person knowing how they react to things and not realizing when they are overreacting and failing to seek help at the moment by talking to someone or whatever they may do to relieve stress, etc. No one is responsible for another's feelings and reactions unless they purposefully try to cause those feelings or reactions. If we start putting responsibility on others for our own feelings then eventually no one will be able to do anything because someone somewhere may get upset.

The second thing is that I've noticed that many people on the spectrum say that it's not right to dislike someone with AS/ASD. No one is obligated to like or socialize with us because we have AS. We are no different from anyone else when it comes to what we are entitled to. Yes, it's a sad fact that some people dislike us because of our AS, but that is their right and they shouldn't be forced or guilted into liking us or including us simply because of the AS/ASD. I dislike hearing people speak who have had surgery to remove their voice box and have to use that electronic thing. If there were someone in my social circle with that, I would probably not include them in very many things I do. The sound of that thing creeps me out. I know that it isn't the persons fault that they have that, and that it's a disability, and that it could be seen by some as discrimination, but in my own private social life I am, and should be able to, choose who I hang out with based on anything that I want to. It's not mean or unfair or bullying to dislike us when we have or because we have AS/ASD. We all have our own personalities and we are not owed special consideration about friendships and socializing because of our neurology.

Double post. Deleted this one.

Ok I guess I have to leave the world alone then and be myself do nothing. Attracting to wrong world is bad. Nothing I can do, just plain english nothing.

No, there is no way you can change that. It's human nature. Be yourself and the people who like you will like you and those who wont, won't. What do you mean "attracting to wrong world is bad"? I'm guessing English isn't your first language, and that's cool. There's a lot of people here whose first language isn't English.

The thing is, just don't worry about it. Everybody is in the same boat you are about this one.