Almost Universally Disliked?

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It seems as if the world dislikes me...in general. Whenever I have a positive interaction in this world, should it live on in any form, it slowly unravels to reveal emptiness. I really am tired of not understanding the world around me as others do, not because I think I'm missing out on something, but because this life is so tiring. Some days I can't leave the house. Some days I can't talk. Some days I can't communicate at all. Some days I'm just sad, not because of anything in particular, but because of the collective of memories and being familiar with them all, so the knowledge of their existence is painful.

Life is so strange...

Anybody relate at all? Hello?

This feeling...in my chest...it grinds inside...and feels really heavy...it makes me feel miserable...

Yes, I call it despair, it comes and goes so you'd think its not despair at all but it feels strong and yet heavy like a silent shockwave through your body (not the best description I know). Reminds me of Sia: Breathe me or another one of her songs Don't breathe me, with all thier suffocating melancholy.

I also have a difficult time making or keeping friends, but also growing up even my own parents disliked me. It left me feeling quite alone...sometimes I felt like if it hadn't been for my pets, no one would have cared about me at all. Things have gotten a bit easier as I have gotten older, but I have also learned to have a preference for being alone.

It was like that for me at high school - I was the object of almost universal hatred (especially among pupils my own age). Once out of that environment it seemed to subside, or at least if I was hated it wasn't universally.