Coming out as an Aspie

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I'm not Rain Man.
I'm not Benny and Joon
I'm not from the movie Mozart and the Whale
i'm not Napoleon Dynamite
i'm...just me.

I want to embrace myself...it's taken me a while to accept my diagnosis...and i want to be able to talk about it, because it is a part of who i am. but i'm scared to do so. i'm scared to do so because of what people think of.

i was told, "you might want to keep it to yourself, the world won't understand you and the world doesn't like things they don't understand." and i agree with that, in theory.

i've gotta figure these things out. life's frustrating for me right now (overeducated, unemployed) and this is only adding to the problem.

*sigh*

Personal medical and financial info should be dispensed on a need to know basis. In the case of medical info, people who don't understand the condition well, and may have faulty knowledge of it, can say and do inappropriate things, some of which can have a very negative effect on the person coming out. This can effect one's employability, and one's relationships with family and friends.

For your own sake please reconsider coming out. You can still embrace your Aspyness to yourself, and to fellow travelers on sites like WP, without risking potential harm to yourself.

My sister knows about me, but that's because she figured it out on her own, and I confirmed it when she told me she believed I have Asperger's. I did try to tell my elderly father once, but it upset him and he didn't want to hear about it, so I dropped it. I have not come out to anyone else, and don't plan to unless there is a need to know situation.

When I was first diagnosed, I really wanted to "come out" as well. I felt like, after all these years, I had a sense of identity. The problem is that a lot of people will see you in a negative light, mostly because they're uneducated about Asperger's or ASD in general. While it's not something to be ashamed of, it's not something you'd want to advertise to the world, either.

My advice (as a gay person) is that you only need to tell people where telling them matters, but doesn't matter. Like, where there is a good reason for you to tell them, and no major reasons you shouldn't.
This logic is imperfect, but 'coming out' isn't an all at once thing; it's a recurring process. You always have to be thoughtful and consider the circumstances each time.

Productive contexts to tell people:
- close relationships, where telling them will help them understand you better, eg. within romance, a close friend, a private music teacher
- when dealing with institutions, to seek out modifications, assistance, and understanding

Superfluous occasions where the circumstances should be weighed:
- random people you encounter, to make conversation
- people at your school (beware it becoming your identity . . . can you handle this?)
- teachers, where it isn't relevant (not everyone will get it)
- employers (stereotypes prevail in job selection processes and work dynamics)

My advice, if you want to explore your identity further, is to cover much of the impulse through reading some books, joining some groups etc. And finding a confidante can be very helpful. Telling someone you know less well but trust may bridge the necessary gap in understanding and lead to your relationship becoming closer, who knows.

But coming out is SRS BSNS. It's certainly possible, you could embrace it completely and become an Autism activist if you want, but it's really stressful and volatile, and can be restricting.


Definitely clarify your motivations, am I missing the mark? Is coming out (and in what capacity) especially important to you?