EstherJ wrote:
Hey all. This is gonna be a little long.
I just joined, and I joined to communicate with others here who understand what I'm going through, and to encourage others myself. I feel like I'm in a place where no one really gets it (i.e., college)
I wasn't diagnosed as a kid for two reasons: 1. My mother knew something was wrong, but didn't know what to do. 2. She doesn't believe in doctors/psychiatrists/psychologists. Yay me.
I have researched intensely. I fit the criteria. I made a list of what it was like for me as a child, and a teen, and now. I finally fit a mold. I finally belong. I want to get an official diagnosis so I can get therapy for the over-stimulation and social crap I go through daily.
I don't know where to start. I'm lost. I'm depressed. I feel misunderstood. My shutdowns are getting worse, which scares me because I'm around people who have no clue.. My OCD is getting worse. I'm afraid they might send me to a psychiatric ward by accident if they see me in a corner rocking because I got over-stimulated yet again, or they see me check my door three times each time I leave to make sure it's locked, yet again.
Well first off you're not going to get locked up in a psych ward for having OCD symptoms, the worst that might happen is someone might suggest you seek help for it. I myself have depression, and feel lost and misunderstood much of the time. I've also dealt with shutdowns and sometimes I worry about getting locked in a psych ward too but that's more to do with when my PTSD triggers because sometimes I cannot control myself at all when that happens. So anyways try not to worry about that so much....but I know that can be hard, it's very hard not to worry about things.
I had a meeting with a family therapist on campus today. I got there. He forgot. I got so pissed....it's like I have been searching for months for help, and each time, someone drops the ball. But I am REQUIRED to be responsible, and I better watch out if I do something wrong! I'm not allowed, see?
That happened to me once to, turns out when a therapist has ADHD they can forget things. But I can see why that would be frusterating, it probably seems like you've been putting a lot of effort into finding help only to have the therapist forget. But keep in mind everyone screws up, so even if you feel you have to always be responsible and are horrible for doing anything wrong that's not true. But it can be hard not to beat yourself up over things when people seem so critical....I have not figured out how to overcome that. Other then just trying to be more accepting of myself, so thats all I know of to suggest right now for that.
I feel so alone. I was suicidal for the past two months, but I'm not now. I understand more about myself. I am just tired of living like this in misery.
Does anyone know how I can get diagnosed and get help? I honestly don't know where to start. I just want to learn how to manage my shutdowns and my social issues so I can focus on my interests and my career as an academic. Oh, it's not that I don't focus. I'm obsessed with my subjects. It's just that I'm miserable trying to fulfill my desires and deal with all the other stuff at the same time.
Have you got online and checked all the mental health services in your area? sometimes there are mental health centers and such that offer sliding scale fees which means the fee is based on your income. So try and find what is available in your area...and see if any look good. Also does your school offer counseling or any mental health services? you mentioned acedemic so I thought I'd ask?
Just give me an old, quiet library, with NO social interaction, no other noise, just music, any book or artifact I would ever need, my studies. I swear I will spit out research like there's no tomorrow. I would be so happy. But no. I'm trapped in a tiny room with social, loud, obnoxious people who demand my perfect interaction. I have to navigate through campus with bimbos in clacking heels that make me want to scream, and friends that jump me just by shouting hello, and people that ask "what's wrong?" if I do something different from the "social norm," like analyze those fascinating patterns on that tree trunk on my way to class.
Someone has to help me or I think I WILL lose it. I'm sorry to post stuff like this....
I understand how you feel about just wanting to be alone with your music to study, instead of being bombarded by all that noise and crap. But yeah when I was in college I really didn't even talk to many people...though I liked the community college better because there was such a huge mixture of different ages and types of people i didn't really stick out as weird. Anyways I hope you can find some help and that things can work out for you.
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Tis the time to melt the Ice.
06 Apr 2012, 9:40 am
