I knew it would not take long.

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So I started generally feeling a bit better about things in general....but not today, the depression and anxiety wont leave me alone. Hopefully I can manage to get through today and beat those feelings, otherwise it will start consuming and then it will be harder to escape. The last time I let it get out of hand....I had to drop out of college because it was too much to deal with. Now I need work and as is I can probably only handle part time/seasonal work that does not require too much experience....it's all quite frustrating. So yeah it certainly did not take long for that general better feeling to dissipate.

Can't someone create a pill that will just make me feel better.......maybe even good, that never runs out? cause that's what it is with everything that helps, works great.....unless you don't have it. So that is a little side issue that sometimes contributes. keeping that in mind might help me realize there no impending doom my symptoms just became more apparent, but that they are symptoms not proof of any impending doom.

I don't know, I guess I sort of needed to do some venting...


On the bright side though my friend (who actually is understanding and helpful about this sort of thing) is coming to pick me up and take me to his house, where i don't have to worry about my mom or anyone making it worse due to me not saying how anxious and depressed I feel today them saying something that gets taken wrong and causes them to get defensive in turn causing me to get defensive in which case all hell would probably break lose. And I don't want that.

hope your time with your friend helps bunches.

Sadly I can relate too well. It does help some to know that symptoms are symptoms and not necessarily a sign of impending doom or complete and utter hopelessness, but it would be even better if they would just go away. I'm glad you have some people in real life who try to be understanding and supportive.

Sometimes life just sucks. You have to get away from all the hypocrisy and selfishness. A nice bottle of red wine and some decent weed usually does the trick for me, but it does stick in my craw. I wish some of the people who are close to me were more decent and more honest. But you can't change other people.

Well still waiting on hearing about a job, and if I get the job I can always fail at it and get fired so yeah I am not exactly confident about that, as much as I might try to be. I end up always feeling lonely because either I can't find the words to express myself so I don't say what I'm thinking/feeling, I don't want to bring anyone else down by talking about whats on my mind or whatever.....or I have to flat out get away from people because I'm afraid if I don't I'll get set off and flip out on them....and then I can't even explain that to anyone. So yeah don't know what to do with myself, and I feel pretty useless

The only thing I am certain of is I don't like this society and I hate the system, those are great things to be certain of.....that the society I live in is sick so I wan't nothing to do with it, the systems corrupt and flawed so I wish it would collapse. But yeah I'm sure that's really going to get me a job legitimate professional career. I mean another thing a lot of people including mental health professionals don't get is their advice that seems to come from the position of expecting that getting a job and functioning in society will make me feel better. Can't blame them I guess, I mean what else are they supposed to suggest if not that I should you know go out there into society and start my life and thus be happy?........a lobotomy? I guess those are kinda looked down on now days but I am sure they'd be looking into it as an option if that was not the case because no I will not be 'happy' in this society.

I sometimes think that the world contains all the layers of hell. The trick is to try to stay out of the really bad ones. I guess some people actually enjoy their lives, but I have yet to experience this and I'm not sure I actually believe it.

I feel for you Sweetleaf - it just seems so pointless sometimes. I hope you reach an upswing soon.

Sweetleaf you should not be putting yourself so down in this time. Really loads people having the same problem. Just need to take deep breaths & channel the frustration in to something. Like males use a punching bag to release they energy, some go jogging, fencing, using martial arts training machine, Tai Chi 24-form.

Pills are the easy route, real way takes patients & practice & is far more powerful. Don't know why people avoid the other feelings so much. Just makes it harder to learn to help yourself & anxiety is a powerful force when you harness it & use it to quick charge or to slow the environment down or speed it up.

You do know your talking about adrenaline. Everything becomes magnified when we are anxious. When you try too hard to do anything, it seems to slip further from grasp. The more you try to push them away, the longer they linger and the stronger their impact. When you welcome and give room to unwanted thoughts, they lose their significance and quickly diminish. When you impose a false sense of importance upon a thought, it will often appear more serious than it deserves.

If your life is highly stressful then you are going to suffer from anxiety. Taking a pill does not solve the problem, it just hides it. While you push your body & don't listen to it. I don't even know what the long term effects are, of pills. Learn to listen & what sorts it out for you.

Your stressed at this point.

EDIT:-

Changed it a bit:- Funny how the first ones are ignored. Trigger - Tickling - Body Response. Then you get the other people demanding they way & insulting the other.

Wounding if Insult & Attention & all that should be also added, etc. As a starter.

Fear/Stress - Adreniline/Noradrenaline - anxiety - thoughts - depression. Don't know why people ignore stress so much.

New

Extrovert & Introvert are misused in this context. I would rather call it internal environment or external environment. IMO.

Since the Introverts & Extroverts body is physically in the external world.

Introvert & extrovert is different. This is talking about your energy source.

Alright well I will look more into that. I'm still pretty frustrated in general though, its quite hard not to be.

As for now I still haven't heard back from the job I was interviewed for, and I heard back from goodwill, they want supervisor positions filled....yeah don't think I have the experience or social skills for that.