I hate my job

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I am sick of my job and every moment I spend over here seems to stiffle my creativity. I seem to dread every waking moment that I have to spend here and each day makes me feel like I have become more of a walking corpse. I want to go kill myself....that's how bad it is.

Now it all started of splendidly in the beginning and I even thought of it as my dream job. After all this is the country's biggest, most powerful media organization and a position here as a journalist is considered to be a highly coveted one. I work for the print division, writing for polymers & packaging even though I don't happen to have a background in polymers.

That didn't stop me though and my employers were highly encouraging - So far I managed to write 3 cover stories within the short span of time that I have been here. However each article requires that I obtain two quotes from prominent industry leaders ci . This is where the problem starts - because I happen to be a misanthrope and I absolutely detest human beings in general. Now I managed to suppress my inner misanthropy for a while but each time I meet these corporates it irks me - since they are highly fickle and my success depends on the capricious nature of human beings. They also happen to be very judgmental and I realize bigotry is something that is inherent to the human persona. It makes me feel like a 2 dollar whore since each time I need a response from these morons, I have to f*****g bend over. Moreover we have very tight schedules and deadlines.....I wish I had a gun or a weapon of some sort and I would go on a goddam rampage because unless that happens I shall never ever be able to overcome the inherent stupidity of the people I come across. These businessmen don't seem to understand the simplest of things when it comes to the press .

Moreover the technical nature of the magazine also does not help.Since we have to write such gems like

1)automatic die changers for injection moulding machines
2)developing plastics for specialized pipes in construction.

I have little trouble writing these articles but the problem more specifically lies with getting quotes. I simply cannot interact with people on phone or in person effectively.And we aren't allowed to get quotes on email.....

Now I can't leave since if I do that then I would able to join any other segment of the organization unless I complete 2 years - it's a silly rule I know. This beat does not suit me. If I were to write for computers or medicine on the other hand then it would be much simpler.Also these magazines do not require any quotes or the need to interact with people extensively. I get very exhausted when I meet several people - I prefer remaining aloof and at a distance. I don't have aspergers - it is just how I am. I cannot converse in a lucid fashion and while I can read facial expressions I lack empathy or the ability to reciprocate on an emotional level - my colleague observes that this is why people do not trust me as much.

If I leave then it would serve be like a career hara-kiri and I don't think it is logical to do so. Neverthless I find that this is destroying literary cadence and I have tremendous difficulty coping up. For the record I already had my resignation turned down twice.....although they have given me an ultimatum this month that if I were to fail to meet my deadlines then I might just lose my job.

My boss states that I want everything handed to me on a platter. However no matter how ahrd I try I simply cannot get quotes and it doesn't matter if I contact 2 people or a hundred...nothing seems to work out.I think it is all very frustrating and no one seems to understand...we need quotes for everything right from the news to the articles - it's driving me bloody insane.I also hate the tube lights here - it only makes the montony worse.

You and this job are not a match. There is nothing wrong with that, it just means that you need to look for a job that is a better match for you. Your inability to get quotes and your obvious aggravation with your job will eventually get you fired, unless you resign first. I suggest you spend any free time first figuring out what sort of job you'd like to do that would be a better match, and then start looking for a position doing that, before you get fired. Getting fired won't look as good on a resume, as saying you left of your own accord to find a job that was a better match for you.

Good luck!