CBT and depression: what's the point?

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I just don't see the point anymore in going to CBT for my depression.
I've been going now for a few months, and seem to feel so much worse when I've finished: I feel more insecure, more bizarre and more emotionally destroyed than when I started. I've even taken an overdose twice after 2 of the sessions as I felt so bad. It's as if she's trying to make me into and NT, and all that she does with the therapy is trying to convert my thinking into that of an NT. But I'm not, and I don't want to be. After my last session, I just about got home and then had a massive meltdown.

I don't want to push myself into socialising, for example: I feel awful and insecure, my anxiety soars and I just feel like an alien. I've failed so many times that I just don't want to anymore. I don't see the point. I have to do things on my own terms and in my own time. It takes me a long time, and I don't like being pushed.
I don't really want to change my thinking or my behaviour. All I want to do is to change the way I cope with and react to situations instead of taking them into my heart and ending up in an emotional wreck. Yes, it would be nice not to be so anxious all of the time, and not to get upset over simple changes. But I don't want to change my personality.

The thing is, I'm also getting counselling for my AS too, with someone who actually understands: and then I don't feel so useless and pathetic- I feel like I can take on the world, and I'm starting to accept the way I am.

How do I deal with this? Do I continue with the CBT and the medication or do I give up and see what happens?
If it is making my feel so bad, is it worth continuing with? Nothing seems to work. I just don't know what to do anymore.
I don't want to feel like this, I don't want to feel so bad, but I feel like the therapy is just making things worse.

The other problem is that my GP seems to think I have the beginnings of bipolar: if I sort the depression now with CBT and medication, will that stop the bipolar from developing? If I give up on the treatment, will that make the bipolar more likely?

I just don't know what to do.

Uhm, screw the CBT. In my experience, 99% of the time with CBT, you're much better off just going and picking any motivational self help book off the shelf at Walmart, I'm dead serious, that's all it comes down to. CBT basically is like "pull yourself up by the bootstraps" sorta therapy. I've been to like, innumerable counselors, all meant for "NTs" and basically, I've only had semi-decent results from people with a real understanding about NVLD/Aspergers. Now currently, I'm going to a young adult mental health group that does about the same thing you're describing, I come home basically pissed off everytime I go. The lady there keeps telling me like "You'll grow out of your Aspergers" or "But you're so smart, so you can do _____ and ______ and you just don't put your mind to it" kinda stuff. It's gotten to the point that the one counselor I see individually basically told me to keep my mouth shut in that group.

So if the Aspergers counselor makes you feel good, see him/her, and unless you're being mandated for the CBT, stop that.

Remember the Therapists who are NT cannot understand us and being AS any better than we can understand what being NT feels like...

I would take a break from the CBT if it's not helping and see if that makes things any better...it could be they aren't using the right approach for you.

That is what CBT is supposed to be good at. It should help you analyze why these situations affect you so strongly and how to deal with them.

The style of CBT you are getting is obviously not working for you. It is supposed to help your anxiety, not make it worse. My suggestion would be to sit down and make a list of the areas you think you need help with. Maybe start by listing past situations that have caused you problems. From that list, pick out the worst problem areas. Show these to your CBT counsellor and see what she says. It could be that she is having trouble reading you. If, like many aspies, you don't have much facial much expression she may not realize she is pushing you in a direction you don't want to go. If she still keeps trying to push you in directions you don't want to go, walk away and try someone else. Different practitioners have different styles. If her style does not work for you then you are not going to get anywhere. Possibly try a male counsellor instead. In general men tend to be more practical and rules oriented while women tend to me more emotionally oriented. You are looking for practical solutions to specific problems.

I personally would suggest trying to keep away from medication if at all possible. Do you think the medication has helped any? If not I would suggest trying to get off it. Talk to your GP first. Suddenly stopping some medications can cause major problems. Note that I am very biased against medication so discuss this with others before doing anything.

That is exactly how therapy should make you feel. Stick with your AS counsellor. It sounds like you have found someone who can really help there.

Thanks guys- this helps!
Think I'll try some of these suggestions: I'm going to sit and think very carefully about what I want to get from CBT and talk to therapist, see if that helps.

Interestingly, my AS counsellor is male, and has AS himself.
With medication, I'm coming off sertraline (Zoloft) as not working, with the aim of starting fluoxetine (Prozac). Not sure whether to start 2nd one though...

I can't see why CBT would be of use to you at all. Especially if what you are dealing with is depression. I would stick with trying new medication, but drop the CBT therapist. I went through it (for social anxiety) and it was humiliating. It's like they are trying to change who you are, with no thought to what might be good about it. Just so you can pass yourself off as NT.

It's great that your Asperger's therapist is a help! That's lucky that you found one.