Acceptiong Things

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Sometimes I have a really hard time accepting the ideas of others. Real hard. I think the hardest is accepting the fact that a lot of people, a few important people in my life included, will always refuse to accept that I fall under the autism spectrum. I used to have a PDD-NOS diagnosis, but when I changed doctors, she changed it and that sort of declined until the doctor after that, said I probably only had mild depression issues.

This has led people in my life to believe that I don’t have problems, but rather, create them. To the point that I have been told I made myself up into a person with problems.

It is hard for me to accept that they cannot accept the idea of autism. My best friend claims that if I was in the spectrum it would affect everything I do. That I would not be able to concentrate just fine in a video game and get lost at the grocery store. That my social mishaps and my aloofness is not intentional, they are never gonna buy that. And I find it hard to accept that they won’t.
To avoid household conflicts I no longer try to explain myself when I do something they think is off or wrong or “makes no sense”. I just apologize and move on. It has worked alright. But I find myself having less and less to talk about and wishing to do less things, other than play EQ2 with my shadowknight, sketch and do homework.

How do you explain to someone that not ALL loud noises affect your sensory issues, that you can have no problem being immersed in a special interest, yet not be able to focus at all on other things, or that you forget stuff that are are every day detais?
They call me selectively lazy at times, others, that I just don’t put effort enough on things I do not care about.
And I was even told they were disgusted by me using this forum and coming to “people with real problems” to “pretend to be like them”. Like a person that didn’t drink going to AA meetings.

That my research in autism has only made it so that I could pretend to be it.

I haven’t changed. I still do the same things, read the same genres, like the same stuff and look track or get distracted by the scenery on a conversation. I am not always on the same page and that is never going to change.

And they are never going to do anything but expect me to change. I hate being fake, but that may be just what it takes.

Not being accepted, being told I want to have something wrong with me, withdrawing; boy that all sounds very familiar. When something thinks "I could just do this or that, why can't this other person? I am not bothered by this or that, so it shouldn't bother them either," it's the worst kind of apathy. An apathy I get from people that are supposed to love me and support me. That is hard to deal with.

I feel your pain. Just remember you are not alone, and knowing yourself is the first step to coping with your issues; it doesn't necessarily make the people around you supportive. Rather, it tends to go the other way around in my experience. Dont expect them to relate or understand. You're just setting yourself up for disappointment. On the other hand, aren't people really understanding here? You all are my support group. I don't have anybody else that does what you all do. I hope I do the same.

Good luck.

Ouch.
But you're definitely not alone.

Independance is not to be underestimated.

Thanks. I guess sometimes it is hard to have faith in myself when I dont see others having faith in me

It is.
And family isn't always the place to find support, despite the expectations we all seem to be born with..

I've learned to choose my people very carefully.