Talk about moody! It's my middle name!

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Lately I have been so moody. For the past few days I have been biting evrybody's head off, overreacting to small, insignificant things, taking everything personally and being a negative a**hole. I even had a meltdown yesterday over bobby pins. I yelled, slammed doors, told the kids (older teenagers) how they don't respect me because they don't ask before they use my things (bobby pins!!) and went to bed and stayed there until this morning. I was a horses a** and it was uncalled for. I've apologized.

However, it was a true meltdown and I couldn't help it. It wasn't over bobby pins, per se, but that was the straw that broke the camels back and that's what I snapped about. I feel like I'm under so much stress, and there is honestly nobody to help me deal with it. The adults in my life are all sources of stress, and the kids aren't responsible for listening to me whine about it. So, I deal with it. Until I don't deal with it and just lose it. Over something stupid like bobby pins.

I'm stressed today too, and on the brink of losing it again over little tiny things. The dog pooped in the diningroom during the night and my' husband went to work without cleaning it up. Left it for me. Disrespectful. He didn't wake my younger daughter up before he left so she missed the school bus and had to ride with her brother and his friend. Irresponsible. They got out of school early and I was going to walk to the store and asked my younger daughter to walk with me and she didn't want to but wanted me to get her a candy bar. Lovely, she can't freaking walk with me but she wants me to get her something. I get back and my damn coke sprays everywhere when I open it, getting me sticky. Well, I have another one that I put in the fridge. My older daughter just gets cigarettes out of my pack without asking me, I'm smoking about ten cigarettes a day, yet I"m going through two packs a day. Her and her brother do that. That made me more angry because I've fussed about people not asking before they get anything of mine. I'll happlily share but they need to ask first.

Then I went out back to lay in the sun for a while. I put the chair out there, my towel, put on my bathing suit, got out there and opened my other coke and it exploded. I threw it out in the back yard and screamed "F*CK IT!! !! !! !! G*DD*MNED COKE!! !! !! !" and came in the house.

Well, now I've put my hair dye in to cover the grey. My daughters graduation is tomorrow night and I want it to look good. I hope it turns out ok.

Oh, and then I find out that the internet may be off again. For a week or two. F*cking lovely. Cable is off. I have no books, can't get a library card cause I can't pay for the books my daughter lost, so I will have nothing to do but sit here in this house and go crazy. In this town, there is NOWHERE to go, and NOTHING to do, and I can't use the library's computer, check out books, use someone else's computer, etc.

F*cking lovely, my life, huh?

I hope to God this is just PMS!

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I'm giving it another shot. We will see.
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Sorry you are going through a bad time. Just remember, tomorrow is another day, and a chance for something better.

Sorry to hear about your last couple of days, I hate wasting coke too. If it is PMS, how come I have days like that?

@OliveOilMom - when someone tells their story I try to picture everything. I was curious: are your meltdowns, or should I say behaviour, similar to Sigourney Weaver's in Snow Cake? Of course, I'm not trying to be insulting. It's just what I envision.

I never saw it, so I have no clue. I get extremely angry and frustrated and I yell, and slam doors and drawers and everything. Sometimes I throw things. They used to be much, much worse (I once ripped a door off the hinges and put my hand through a window) but now that I know what they are, I can somewhat in the back of my mind keep remembering that I'm blowing things out of proportion, and remind myself that I'll feel guilty anyway after so don't break anything or say anything hurtful or go too far overboard.

During my meltdowns I can't really put my feelings into words. Yesterday evening I tried writing down what all was wrong and what was upsetting me but I couldn't. I'm pretty good about being able to do that when I'm calm, but I couldn't do it to save my life yesterday.

However, I've had a headache for the past two days from the Welbutrin. That happens during the first few weeks. I had nothing to take and so I went to the ER and the doctor who thinks everybody is drug seeking gave me a shot of Toradol, which didn't help at all. My mother gave me one 5mg Lortab, which isn't enough to help anything either, but I did find five Tramadol in my bedside table drawer, so I took two of those and FINALLY I have a bit of relief. I hate that particular doctor. He got in trouble in Bham for giving out too many drugs, and had a drug problem himself, so now he thinks everybody who comes in, in pain, is drug seeking. Now I do admit that a whole bunch of these rednecks around here are, but I'm not. I live in a town whose industries have gone under, there is a lot of unemployment, and our economy is run on crystal meth and vicodan. But, that doesn't mean that everyone who is in pain is drug seeking.

Anyway, when I went to the bathroom at the hospital I found out that it is PMS that's causing all this. Thank God! Soon I know I'll feel better and won't be such a b*tch to everybody. Lots of other stuff happened to piss me off this afternoon after that too. My husband didn't get his paycheck today and they won't be giving them out until tomorrow and we are broke. I went to see if I could get some money from my mom for gas so he could get to work tomorrow and she wasn't home from the doctor yet, and wasn't until about 7:30, and I was worried about her but I have no minutes on my phone so I couldn't call her. One of my younger daughters friends came over and let my grey and white dog out and it was hard to get him back in. I'm afraid he will get run over or shot, but we finally got him. My mother finally got home and she gave me some money and I went to the store and got supper stuff and made crescent roll casserolle and it turned out great. I'm eating some as I type this.

My hair color turned out GREAT! So, maybe things will get better. They have to.

_________________
I'm giving it another shot. We will see.
My forum is still there and everyone is welcome to come join as well. There is a private women only subforum there if anyone is interested. Also, there is no CAPTCHA.

The link to the forum is http://www.rightplanet.proboards.com

Sweet Pea hugs