Tired

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I am exhausted. I graduated a year ago and still can't find a job. I have 15k in loans which I haven't paid a dime towards yet, and the only work I know I'm doing is a really short 5 week program which cannot lead to anything more.

At first I had all this hope. Now I have none. I rarely get interviews anymore, not even for retail jobs. I'm tired of hearing about the advantages of asperger's. When everyone you know is getting amazing job opportunities and you can't even get a minimum wage job, well it doesn't make you feel too good.

I have never felt so worthless and stupid and lost. I have always loved making plans, it calms me down, allows me to see a way out of negative situations. I see no way out. All the plans I had (grad school or finding a job) have fallen apart.

I'm tired of asperger's. I'm tired of always doing the socially wrong thing. I'm tired of not having anyone to talk to about this except for the internet. I'm tired of getting so irritated by my brother eating all the peanuts in a day that I can't even relax, I'm tired of it all.

And it isn't like I haven't tried making friends. I tried over and over again in college. I had some friends in high school, but I have not made one friend since. I don't even know what I'm doing wrong. I make up conversations with people in my head because it makes me feel a smidge less lonely.

And ok, I do have one person. This stupid boyfriend. Who apparently can't deal when my asperger's is more apparent. I'm not good at empathy, but I try. I don't know what to tell a sick person, and he constantly doesn't care that I try. Do you know what it is like for someone to tell you over and over again how you don't care about anyone else? Well I do, I just don't know how to express it in a normal way.

I see no hope for my future. I don't think I have a future at all. When I think about it, it is blank, dead. No amount of anti-depressants can fix my stupid life with its stupid problems.

The thing about being high-functioning is you look like everyone else, you may be able to temporarily trick everyone into thinking you are like them, but it always comes out someway, that you are not like them. That you will never belong. Even my weird high school friends seem to be adjusting to post-college life whereas I have no clue what I'm doing. I am jealous that they don't need me anymore, that they have cool jobs, that they've made new friends, that they never call me to hang out anymore.

/end rant

Oh my, I remember feeling that way. I left University with no job and no clue what to do. I didn't even know how to sign up on unemployment or housing benefits and for several months I was living on a credit card. I managed to arrange an overdraft with the bank and was shaking with relief that they said yes.

I was lucky enough to find a boyfriend with no prospects himself, just as my landlady decided she didn't want to rent any more and left me homeless. He knew how to work the system. He spun a story around my homosexuality and my Aspergers, as well as his own issues, and the two of us were considered high risk enough to be housed and put on benefits remarkably quickly.

That was exactly what I needed at the time, but it left me trapped. I was still unemployed and I had no support from the boyfriend in getting a job. It was clear he wasn't keen on it - if I succeeded, we'd have lost the benefits and had to pay for rent and such. I did get a minimal wage slave job which I hated. The boyfriend and I broke up but stayed living together, which was a little awkward. I met a new partner, and he convinced me to quit my crappy job before it broke me completely, and eventually I moved in with him.

He was a much better partner. For a start, he had a job. For a second thing, he helped me get my first decent job - assisted me with the application forms (which are evil anyway, and even worse for an aspie) and made sure I kept going. After you get the first job, it's much easier to get the second and the third. Experience is crucial.

This guy and I have now been together for ten years, and we have a mortgage and a cat. So I guess I'm saying - it will get better. It's bloody tough at first but don't give up. Eventually you WILL break through. But it's much easier with help - ditch this waste of space boyfriend, who clearly doesn't understand you, and find someone else who does. You need a friend who'll help you understand the bollocks that comes from job applications and, more importantly, will push you enough to make sure you do it (though not too hard).

Sorry, but you and your BF are obviously not a match.

As for work, sign up with all the local employment agencies. They have permanent placement, temp to perm, and temp work.

Also, register with your local branch of the state job/employment center. Once you have registered you can log on to their computer system from the library, or your own home, or go there in person to use their computers to look for work, and post your resume online. You can also use their computers to type up resumes and cover letters, and you can fax them to job offers using the job center fax machine.

And don't forget to try online job sites like Monster.com and HelpWanted.com, and local newspapers, both in print and at their online sites have job openings listed, and you can even place an add for Job Wanted.

Hope this helps.

Worth a try, but if you don't have ANY experience you'll be bloody lucky to get anything out of them. If you do have experience, you can often do better on your own.

Sign up with the local supermarket as a shelf stacker or cashier. It's crap money and you'll find it all very dull, but stick with that for six months and you'll have demonstrated you can actually hold a job, which makes you more appealing to hirers. An application with no experience is an unknown risk, but supermarkets will hire virtually anyone.

Yeah I've done every possible agency basically. By watching tv, you may think anyone can just get a job fhrough an employment agency or a temp agency and that may have been true a few years ago. But now? No. If you don't come in with a skillset, they will never do anything for you. I've been registered at all the major online sites too, and I've gotten a couple of interviews that way. The thing is, on some sites you can see how many applications and such were sent in. If a job is getting 100 or 200 applications (not unusual) there is a slim chance for an untested person to find work.

I have also been fired from retail (well technically let go as a seasonal worker) so it kind of is scary to go back to that, because it was the first time in my life I really understood how behind in social development I was. I can't do cashiering for sure, I am too slow and was moved away from that in my first job because they time you and I could never improve my speed.

My only experience is the summer program I do (for severely disabled kids). I have tried to spin that positively on my resume, but most of the jobs that my experience qualifies me for require you to drive the disabled around and I can't drive because I have really, really bad vision (though not blind at all).

Anyway, thanks Thom_Fuleri for your words. It is nice to know at least one person understands feeling stuck. I keep reading about how you need a college degree to survive, and mine isn't helping me at all. No one cares about my 3.8 gpa, not really. And of course the fact I did fine in school makes me ineligible for any disability services.

I live with my family which is fine I guess (no big complaints, just not ideal). But since I can't drive, I'm kind of stuck location wise. I can't just apply anywhere, I have to worry about having transportation there. My degree is one where you need a master's to work in the field (you need the accreditation) and as that didn't go well for me, I feel stuck.

Sweet Pea hugs

Long ago, degrees were only held by the elite - those with the money to pay for the education, and those who got there through sheer ability (scholarships, etc). These days everyone's supposed to get a degree, because rampant socialism thinks everyone should be entitled to one. We are not all equal.

So yes, a degree is meaningless in and of itself now, unless you're pursuing a particular career (such as law or medicine). I have a degree, and it's been quite useless. What my university days DID teach me, however, is a fair amount of social skills. I sucked a lot less by the end of the course than the start. And no-one cares about how well you did. All the pressure we're put under at school to do well and pass those exams - it's all nonsense. A lot of millionaires left school without degrees. They seem to survive rather well!

There are two things you need to get through an interview - charm and enthusiasm. If you get to interview stage, they're already interested in your qualifications - they want to know if you'll get on with everyone, work hard and be a good investment. Us aspies tend to struggle here. I used to be awful in interviews until I learnt how to play the game, and social skills are a big part of that I'm afraid. You need to learn how to fake being normal, which is not so bad when you realise that everyone has to do that, including the NTs.