Overwhelmed, low energy, getting going again

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Somewhat rambling post to follow.

So about up until 2 years ago when I had a deadline or stuff that needed to be done I could drag up some motivation and do it.

This worked BUT frequently involved quite nasty self bullying (very negative self talk), vast anxiety spirals and running on pure panic - in short it kinda worked but was very unpleasant.

And then I effectively reaped the long term effects of this bad treatment of myself and very nearly had a full scale breakdown (I was also rather overwhelmed and worn out by handling a long term chronic incurable physical condition which frequenly causes mild pain).

So I effectively took 3 months out, with permission of my university, and I got going again.

I saw a very helpful clinical psychologist and learnt to ditch the self bullying, it's taken me about 2 years to do this and learn to begin to speak kindly to myself. I have no regrets I've done this.

Now here's the problem, since then I've really struggled with low energy levels. This is worse when I'm on anti-depressants, which I needed to go back on at the start of the year. Partly this is cos they can mess with my sleep, but I think I've got the dosage / type right now.

I'm having all kinds of problems motivating myself to do stuff unless I really want to do it, or I feel obligated to do it for someone else's sake (so I can get minimal housework, shopping etc done cos if I didn't do it that'd effect my SO too)

Now heres thing I really really want to finish the work I'm doing, but the thing I need to do (writing) isn't interesting me or stimulating me enough, so I keep on procrastinating, doing minimal work, and when it gets really bad I literally go back to bed and hide. As a result the work I'm supposed to be finishing gets more and more delayed.

I'm not prepared to go back to bullying myself (calling myself names, threatening myself etc) to get motivated any more cos that has quite literallly made me so ill in the past.

Coffee / caffeine isn't an option as it stops me sleeping.

Exercise is complicated because, apart from swimming, vigourous or prolonged exercise makes my physical condition worse so I'm cautious about it, and to swim I have to go to a public pool which I don't entirely enjoy, so I'm really struggling to motivate myself to do that as well!

I have always had a part of my emotional brain, that shouts and screams, 'I really don't want to do this' - due to e.g. sensory issues, not currently a special interest etc, but I always bullied myself to do it anyway, because either I felt obligated to another, or I could see potential long term benefits. Without the bullying part of myself, this voice is a lot more strident and forceful, and hard to ignore.

Help!! how do I get motivated again without bullying, and get my energy levels back. To get on in life sometimes I need to do things I don't entirely want to...

(I know at 40 I don't have the youthful vigour I used to :D but...this is no excuse)

Any suggestions?

What's worked for you?

This is my first post, so ''hi'' everyone. Please forgive my grammar mistakes, English is not my native.

Actually, I have the same problem. I can suggest thinking about the consequences of your ''inactivity''; i.e a dirty room with bugs, an empty refrigerator, expulsion from school, getting fired... However, this time you have to deal with high levels of anxiety. Catch 22.

Maybe there is another way without self bullying or anxiety, but it seems highly unlikely.

I find that when I get into those places in my life, like currently, I give myself praise for keeping the simple things done. Then, I would break down whatever I'm avoiding into as many small steps as I'm comfortable taking.

It's when emotions get into the picture that my procrastination is the worst. I never sent my Dad a card for Father's Day, just kept putting it off because it is not such a simple thing as Mother's Day for some reason, the cards suck and are harder to find "non-cutesy" ones, the postage and needing to mail it right after work, etc. >> these things seem like rationalizations but it is really executive dysfunction-- I've never really bought/sent cards to my Dad EVER and thought it would be nice (haha) and so built up this huge deal about it that I can't get myself to do the first step... Now it's a week late! Anyways, this kind of anxiety (is this what you're talking about?) is exactly the fuel for the motivation, but it's like a big mess that needs untangling in order to put that energy into a direction. Am I clear as mud so far? lol

Can you delegate the writing part to someone else? Or perhaps tackle that part in smaller steps you can do one at a time? It's certainly harder to motivate yourself positively rather than negatively, you in effect must "bribe" yourself! Mmmm... that nice, cold glass of Alagash White on draft at Nosh Kitchenbar (or wherever) would be so good after I finish writing these four pages (or whatever).

Hope that helps, not so lucid today.

I've started to give myself praise for the simple things but sometimes it feels a bit silly (I'm still practising this). Small steps is definitely helpful, I try to do this, I may need to make the steps even smaller



Yes I'd say it's the same for me - emotions make it worse - my default mode is to suppress them somewhat, particularly negative ones. I've been trying to do this less of late following advice from professionals to try and let them emotions out more, I got very good at suppressing them as a child...

Not sure if this is a good idea for me or not I'm trying to get the balance on this right. Too much emotional suppression definitely increases anxiety levels a lot for me, but if I just open myself up to my emotions fully it can be completely overwhelming - makes me wonder if I taught myself to suppress them in childhood as some kind of overload defence mechanism...

Someone else said in another post somewhere about ON/OFF switch emotions - I can really relate to that, my emotions tend to be either fairly fully on, or off. I can get genuinely very happy or excited or very sad. It's difficult to have levels in between sometimes, so instead I'll just suppress/ignore the emotion almost completely if it's not appropriate at the time; it's kind of like of I don't have time to deal with you now...I'll come back to you...problems really start if I do this a lot though. {It is a very useful skill in a crisis situation, but probably not healthy to do all the time}



Actually that's makes a whole lot of sense, when I get this at it's worst it really does feel like walking through some complicated thicket, or thick heavy mud or something



I wish! ....sadly no I must do this myself.



Even smaller steps could be very good. I've already broken the task into small steps, they may need to be smaller still.

I don't do well at organising myself rewards, I didn't really come from an environment where you were rewarded for doing what you were supposed to do (that said I was never particularly punished either - it was fairly neutral).

However bribes could well work - I just need to think of some good ones to promise myself - and how best to use this (and not just use them as another excuse to procrastinate).



Yes thank you, I understood what you meant I think

It's difficult at first to feel the full range of emotions. If I never meditated, I don't think I would've ever come out of the numb emotionless prison I was in. Meditation creates space (that was always there) to "contain" emotions... some of which, from a tortured past, can be very overwhelming. Even so, complex emotions are always overwhelming and that's where my work lies.

Once upon a time I did DBT (Dialectical Behavioral Therapy) and it helped tremendously (even though I later lost the Borderline personality disorder dx). If you can find a course in your area and can deal with going to a group therapy session I'd recommend it. Even the course materials alone are very helpful, I don't think I really needed the group part-- I really got a lot out of the mindfulness in daily life and being good and kind to yourself part of it though. Think of it this way, your best friend and only one in the whole world completely on your side, is you. Not saying go completely hedonistic ape-shit crazy or something, but it sounds like you deserve to reward yourself for how hard you work. It's all too easy to always be the critic and never the companion.

Unfortunately, bribing is not an option for me. IMHO, self bribery for motivation is illogical. If I can obtain my desires beforehand, what is the point in making things difficult? I can directly aim for pleasure, and leave the ''requirements'' behind. There should be a solid basis for being ''active''. Thus, undesired consequences motivates me. They're real: If you do not pay your bills, you can kiss your electricity (?!) goodbye.

Yes, anxiety is the force to take action. Nevertheless, it tortures my brain with endless ''what if'' scenarios. If the force is not enough to make me to do something before a deadline (which is usually decided by myself), my anxiety level increases. Of course, in this case anxiety brings his dear friend with him: Remorse (say ''hello'' to her). Since remorse and anxiety are too much together, I pull myself together and do the goddamn thing, even if it is too late.

I really hate this mechanism and unfortunately, self bribery does not work.