Failure.

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Okay so I just need to get this out. 

I'm in the Netherlands visiting family at the moment. Went to Amsterdam yesterday which was nice but I got very tired and overloaded quickly. By the end of the day I had a massive headache and all I wanted to do was rocking back and forth and be left alone. But when we went back to the home of one family member, a friend of his was there. He was a complete stranger to me which made me very uncomfortable and anxious. I was very quiet the rest of the night. Sometimes I feel like I almost go mute when strangers or too many people are around. The friend even said out loud that I was very quiet which made me so annoyed and angry with myself I went to the bathroom and hit my head a few times. I also apologised for being so quiet and boring (because I assumed they thought I was boring).

I'm so incredibly tired of having to apologise to people because of my behaviour. Because of who I am. I feel like I'm the worst person in the world. I feel like a complete failure.

I don't really know what I want to get out of writing this. I guess I just want someone to understand.

i used to show up late for meetings so i wouldn't be expected to make small talk. now i show up on time and if someone doesn't like that i'm quiet, i let it be their problem. as you get older and wiser, you'll accept yourself and not let these things get to you.

Sounds familiar..

I too go silent when around people I don't know personally. It's even hard for me to talk to others about things I feel might not interest them- often they don't reply right away and this sets my alarms off..

The result is I get labeled as a quiet one.

Sometimes people in a group notice im just watching them and this freaks them out so they all look at me after one notices.. :S


Don't let it bother you! Just say you aren't feeling talkative or you are tired- let them deal with it. You don't have to talk or pretend to be social just to make them happy!

Embrace the quiet guy label.. It makes it easier on you because they know why you are acting that way- (or at least have a label for it.. maybe not a full understanding)

You don't have to apologize for being you.
It's not your responsibility to entertain other people.
Stop thinking you should be any different than you are.
Stop punishing yourself for not being who you think you should be.

Sweet Pea hugs

Being quiet isn't the worst thing in the world, I would be much angrier with myself if I turned out to be that egotistical person dominating all the conversations talking about how wonderful they are and how perfect all their ideas and activities were. That person is no fun! Being quiet gives you a chance to be a good listener, and everyone can have a turn to talk in your presence. They don't have to hold their breath and wait for a pause in constant chatter to say what they want to say! That is a good thing

Thanks for all the answers. I know I shouldn't feel bad about being quiet. But I just feel like being quiet and not smiling much (which is usual for me) makes people think I'm boring and weird. Do you know what I mean? I also think I got even more worried because of the fact that one of the people who I've really opened up to about myself and my possible ASD barely talked to me. And now that I've apologised I feel even worse. Bad day.