Social Awkwardness making me blue

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Had an especially awkward face-to-face social encounter tonight. I could tell that everyone was on their best behavior and being as patient as possible, but I could also tell they didn't really want me there. I don't blame them, for once, because I could figure out, quicly after-the-fact, why what I was saying and doing was wrong.

I'm ready to withdraw again because I don't want to subject anyone to me. Last time I did that was in college and people decided I was doing it because I felt "too good" for them and that I was deliberately being mean when I was, which couldn't have been further from the truth. I think these people are too grown up to act like that.

While it's hard to do, it's possible to learn social skills and after a long enough time of using them, it becomes second nature. I did. I was horribly awkward.

I met some girls in my early teens who accepted me and liked me and they actually would explain social stuff in excruciating detail to me because I just didn't get it. They were very patient and they liked me when I was finally able to relax around them and they wanted others to like me and for me to enjoy myself more.

It was very difficult, but eventually I "got it". Took a lot of practice and them pointing out what I did wrong when I did it or shortly after the fact and telling me what I should have done. They didn't do that in a mean way either. It sometimes frustrated or hurt me, but I got over it because they weren't trying to hurt me at all. Just the opposite actually.

I'm 48 now and have good social skills. I learned a little more all the time. I'm still learning to this day. I'm unsure how a class or group for actual social skills would help. I think it would help teach somebody the basics of manners and interaction, but not the subtlties or the kind of thing you are likely to run into in day to day life. I don't know if they take into account the different social expectations and norms of different groups either.

I'd find a trusted person who would be willing to help you out and go from there.

Good luck.

_________________
I'm giving it another shot. We will see.
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Thinking back over what happened, I got the idea that one of the women was telling me I was not their friend and they didn't really care about anything I was saying about myself. On retrospect they felt I was trying to take the spotlight away from the pregnant lady, who was not feeling well.


That wasn't my intention. I also talked about weight issues, which they told me to leave alone, after they told me to leave it alone, though, thinking that it didn't really matter that much since what I said would have been comforting to me but apparently isn't universally comforting. It's these general social rules I just don't internalize that easily. I realized after the fact--right afterward, that what I was saying was wrong and against the rule just given me, but it was too late then.

Problem is, most of the time I live inside my head and have a lot of problems with social cues. Sometimes I see things people aren't really intending to convey, too, which upset me a little even though I knew I was supposed to ignore these things. For instance, earlier in the evening, someone told me they're glad something happened for me when I could see somehow that they didn't really care. Rudy Simone calls this dissonance, and it messes me up. On the one hand, if she hadn't cared, would she have asked at all, or was she put out because I originally asked her advice on the matter?

One of the women, the one who told me not to talk about weight, acted like she didn't really want to see me anymore, and so did the pregnant woman. That's when I knew I had bombed totally.