I don't know what to do

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I'm really frustrated. I'm never seated beside a beautiful woman, I'm never near the vicinity of one at all. They pass me on the street - never look at me. They sometimes go out of their way to avoid looking at me. I haven't had any action at all in four years, and I don't predict any anytime soon because I'll be upgrading my high school courses once more however they're 10 and 20 levels, and one thirty level - but that's much further into next year. I don't have any friends. I don't have any family. I carried a plethora of groceries home by myself, mainly consisting of oatmeal, eggs and bread because that's all I eat since I don't have anybody to share meals with so I find it pointless to cook anything - and I dropped them all and the bus driver didn't offer to help or even insist that I place my groceries down before I show him my pass, it just didn't occur to me as I was really stressed at the time. Instead he sat in his seat and stared at me struggling to open up my wallet at the same time trying to manage my groceries. So I dropped my phone and that broke and I publicly freaked out on him, calling him unhuman and saying "just hold up your end of the bargain dude!! ! You work for the f*****g public service industry!! !"

I feel like all of this makes me very crazy - as I haven't been on my medication as much as I once was, but it doesn't matter if I'm on my medication or not - I mean it might have I suppose, I might not have broken my phone - but even if I'm on my medication I still can't converse with people. Infact I'm worse at it since I'm not over analyzing everything and speaking spontaneously. I stay off my meds because it's the only time I'm able to converse with people and analyze physics and math in a way that I'm perceiving the information differently and at a faster speed.

I don't know what to do. I don't know why I have to keep doing this alone. I don't know how to meet women, I keep hearing all the time on this one radio show in the morning about what "Sonic Boys" or "Sonic Girls" like about each other and how they manage to bring one another home. And then I'm sitting there in my bed listening and crying at 5am a) because I have insomnia and b) because I'm lonely and haven't been laid in four years and have absolutely zero idea where to start - since you have to be friends first, and I can't seem to find any of those anywhere I go.

I keep looking up at the sky for spaceships and feeling ominous feelings and head rushes occasionally. I sometimes consider wearing a tin hat. I am not a catch at this point

I feel you, I do. I wish there was an easy way. I wish it didn't have to be so hard all the time. About the bus driver - at least here they are kind of known as being jerks sometimes, so when they are, I just try to remember it is not about me. It helps me to reframe the situation and not get so frustrated. I've never been medicated (in fact I've actively avoided it) but what is the medicine supposed to be treating? Is there something else you can try? I also have insomnia a lot and often feel 10x lonelier at night and considering I feel really lonely during the day it can be pretty intense.

How old are you? You wrote about high school classes but you also said you haven't been laid in 4 years so I must be missing something. I am pretty unfamiliar with the canadian education system.

I take Welbutrin, Respiridol, Nabilone and Quetiapine for sleep. But sometimes I take it Quetiapine during the day for sleep - since the loneliness does overwhelm me during the day as well. I was around peers for the first time last night, and it was very overwhelming. They were normal - which is very scary. It seems like I've somehow made a straight path for crazy town lately. I interact well with people who wear tin foil hats, seeing as how we're both equally as crazy - I'm just missing the hat.

It's supposed to treat anxiety. My anxiety is through the roof.

I hate being lonely, too. The stupid thing is I'm not doing anything about it. That means I can't complain, right? There are some times I think I should look for a mate, but sometimes I think either I'm too difficult to get along with or my anxiety level is too high to let anyone into my life. Either way, I drown my sorrows with beer and/or hard cider. No, that's not a good thing, but I'm just glad it's there.