feeling the need to constantly punish myself

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For all the people I've hurt in my life, being rude over the internet, being rude in general, making poor decisions, and behaving in a way I'm ashamed of.

I just can't shake it.

I feel like I HAVE to punish myself for it.. and over and over again.

God I feel awful. Has anyone experienced this before? Needing to hurt yourself because of stuff you've said or done? I could really use your help.

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There are times that I'll feel a huge amount of remorse over things I've done years or decades ago. All the bad stuff I've done will keep playing through my mind and I'll feel nothing but guilt. I've never wanted to punish myself for it though. I've just wanted to lie in bed and wait for death. Although I guess that is a form of punishment.

I get that way when my depression gets bad and I know it's time to get back on my antidepressants. Have you ever tried antidepressants, and do they help?

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I'm giving it another shot. We will see.
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The guilt trips my mind sometimes plays on me are brutal. I can literally thing of things i've done over 18+ years ago (I was a kid) and beat myself up over it for hours. It doesn't happen all the time, but then I see other people just blaze through life carefree without giving a crap about anyone.

I don't think having a conscience is harmful in itself.

There are times when I have massive guilt trips over things that I have said or done. sometimes over things that have happened 18+ years ago.

I have been told not to worry and to move on, but the guilt still hangs around sometimes for hours at a time(which is annoying because it isn't helping anyone). Anyway it goes away when I find something else to do or think about.

I find others punish me more then enough.

Its normal to feel guilt, just dont get hung up on it. So long as you already tried your best to do it right, its enough. You cant always be prepared for any situation and make everyone happy. Time forgives and forgets.

I tend to get in thought loops about things from the past. I had no clue that I could change that until somebody told me. What I do now is, I think of something different and I actually say it out loud in my head about the different thing. It's hard at first to switch to a different train of thought but after doing that as often as you can when you notice it, after about a few weeks it works great.

_________________
I'm giving it another shot. We will see.
My forum is still there and everyone is welcome to come join as well. There is a private women only subforum there if anyone is interested. Also, there is no CAPTCHA.

The link to the forum is http://www.rightplanet.proboards.com

Yeah, I have felt that way/still do feel that way sometimes. The thing is, though, that punishing yourself really does nothing to help anyone you've hurt. They really don't benefit from you beating yourself up.

I think the only thing you can really do is apologize if the situation warrants it, move on and try to put out more positive energy in the future. If you're really caught it a vicious cycle of wanting to punish yourself and feel like you can't get out of it, sometimes volunteer work or doing some sort of a random act of kindness for someone else can help you re-frame your sense of self and start seeing yourself as a good person again.

Sweet Pea hugs

I definitely understand that feeling. I distinctly remember stupid selfish things I did as a child and will feel terrible about it whenever it comes across my mind now.