What to do when your friends lecture/criticise you?

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I have a good friend, I see her about once or twice a week, and we get on great and she does act like a descent friend to me, but lately she's been getting on to me a bit about my appearance. I don't wear much make-up, only lipstick, and I don't go out of my way to dress like I'm going to the ritz, I'm just more into casual clothes that just make me blend into the background (jeans, hoodies, T-shirts, trainers or boots, things you can't go wrong with), and I also bite my nails. But my friend has been getting on to me lately to grow my nails, put nail varnish on, put more jewelry on, wear different jumpers because apparently the jumpers I wear ''don't do no justice for me'', and she's even been getting on to me how I should have my hair, that I have got styled recently. It's shorter at the front and I just have it like the other girls have it, but my friend think it doesn't look that good and that I should have it to the side so it's coming over, but I must have it a certain side and I must have the parting in a precise place, otherwise it ''looks funny'' - according to my friend. She's been bringing this up the last few times I've seen her, and although she's only trying to help and she means well, but I'm quite happy the way I am, and other people say I'm trendy and I know I don't stand out, and I'm happy with having exceptionally short nails because I'm used to having short nails and it's easier to draw pictures, write stories and play the piano with, and also I like cooking so I like to keep my nails short and clean, and I only paint my nails on special occasions. Otherwise, I'm happy the way I am, but now that my friend has took to criticising, it's made me feel a bit miserable because I can't take criticism and lectures very well. And what makes it worse is that she doesn't know what she is saying because she's a lot older than me and I know a lot more about fashion and trends for my age group than she does, so I'm not sure why she's trying to overpower me by thinking that I'm going to believe and go by everything she says. I find it hard to just say ''don't criticise, it makes me feel bad about myself'' because I know she is probably just trying to help, but it's not really working, just making me feel more on edge when I am with her in case she starts again.

What would you do if you have a close friend who has took to getting on to you about your appearance when you know there is nothing about you that needs to be improved? i'm quite independant-minded, I rather make my own decisions, I don't like other people doing it for me, unless it's close family like my mum, because she also knows what suits me best. But even other NTs say it's best to go by how you feel you look, not what other people feel you look.

Maybe simply point it out to her, that she's been remarking on your appearance a lot, and since you don't have a problem with how you look, why does she feel a need to repeatedly remark on it? She might not be aware she does it so much, or it may not even be about you, maybe she's unhappy with something to do with herself.

Tell Henrietta Higgins in a nice way, that you are fine with the way you look and dress, so let's agree to disagree, now let's talk about something else. If she doesn't drop the subject, start telling her how to to look and dress to suit your tastes. Bet that'll go down well--NOT!

There is something you should consider. She obviously doesn't share your tastes, and may not like being seen in public with someone who's tastes don't meet her standards. Don't let it get to you, though. I don't think there's anything wrong with your regular attire. I'm sure you would dress differently for a special event, like a wedding or funeral. The rest of the time wear what you like. Maybe we should have a "Dress Like a Klingon" day or some other odd look, like a "Dress Like a Viking" day.

lol

She doesn't want me to dress how she dresses either, or have the same hair. She's even commented on these winter hats that honestly are the fashion in young people around my age (and now people in their 30s and 40s are all wearing them too), but my friend still doesn't approve of them and acts like nobody wears them and so I will stand out and look babyish if I do wear mine. But I know I won't because in the winter I see a lot of people wearing them, and even on the course I was on last winter I had NT girls there who asked me where I got my hat from because they wanted one, and they got one the following week-end. They also loved my coat and asked where I got that from, and I actually felt socially accepted (for the first time with my peers) because of my clothes. One of them even gave me her phone number and we sometimes text and she wants to meet up for lunch one day. So I know I look nice and well-presented, but I don't see the point in going over the top because not everybody does that so it doesn't really matter. But my friend still gets on to me and I know she doesn't know jack about the trends for my age group but still thinks she does. She's often commented on a lot of things that I hear most others say looks really nice. Maybe she's just got a different way of seeing things (which proves to us that not all NTs think exactly the same way).
I like my friend, she takes me out places, she makes me lunch, and does all the other things normal friends should do together, and she is much better than other friends I've had in the past who have bullied me or used me, but now I'm a bit afraid of seeing her because of the lecturing she has suddenly got into the habit of, and I find it hard telling her to not criticise. What she wears doesn't worry me, as long as she's comfortable. If she wasn't comfortable and was asking for honest feedback, I would say if I had a problem with her, but I don't even if she wanted me to, so I wish she wouldn't get on to me. I mean I don't dress like a trollop, and I know some people who do, but if they're happy with the way they dress that who am I to criticise. I even have a friend who got chucked out of her volunteer job because of the unusual way she dressed, but because she is happy in herself and the way she dresses then I didn't say anything. If she was asking me to help her improve herself and wanted me to take her shopping to get some more reasonable clothes then I would put on my lecturing cap, but even then I wouldn't make her feel uncomfortable, and I wouldn't force her into anything, I would still leave it upto her but just give gentle tips on how to do so.

Sweet Pea hugs

Well, for one thing it seems she still has your trust, that you don't feel she's trying to put you down via your appearance. That's probably the important bit, without which all the rest doesn't work anymore.

You might try asking her directly but politely what's prompting the advice on dress and appearance lately. I know you mentioned that it's difficult to remain neutral when someone critiques your appearance. I don't have any particular spot advice other than to hold onto that trust I mentioned above, for as long as you're sure that your friend isn't trying to hurt you by saying these things.

One possibility is that she's unsure of just what to talk to you about other than this. You haven't mentioned what the two of you have in common but you did mention an age difference.

Another possibility is that she umm... has it in her to ... (jeez, I don't have a genteel way to say this, so here goes) play dress-up with her friends and acquaintances because that's just how she is.

For fun, maybe try this: go out shopping with her, try out her suggestions. Just see what you end up looking like if you follow some set of her suggestions, and see what happens. Bonus points if she fronts some of the money and/or sticks with you to return all the clothes later!