Feeling very anxious, Aspergers not helping one bit

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I know I keep ranting here but I really don't know where to turn and what to do. First I am worrying about getting a job, because I have a support worker who comes to interviews with me, but I worry that having him with me makes me look more ''disabled'' than what I really am. In my last interview (which was for a job at an airport) my support worker said that it's part of his job to make sure I have settled in once I've started, by visiting me the first few days and making sure I am happy and comfortable with the work, but the interviewer said that because it's an airport he might need extra documents and things like that to get through to the bit where I would be working. That worried me because it's the job that I want but what if they're thinking ''oh we won't take her on, it'd be too much hassle if she needs this support worker to visit her and everything, might aswell take on someone who is more capable.''? So that worries me, but at the same time I still need this support worker.

Also I've read countless times on here that all Aspies, no matter how self-aware or how adaptable, all give off a bad impression of ourselves in body language, causing other people to ridicule and take the wrong way, in no matter what we do or say. So now this has put me off going out in public or meeting new people because of this, what it seems to be, a fact what I cannot run away from, no matter how normal I act and how well I present myself. The people I do know seem to be nice to me and want to spend time with me and like me for who I am, and I even get men fancying me, but that still doesn't stop me worrying about how I appear. This ''fact'' might even make my Agoraphobia worse in a few years time, and make me become so anxious that I can't come out and show my face ever again, if I'm that ''different''. It makes me hate body language, it makes me hate having AS, and it makes me hate people.

I'm so anxious, and taking meds won't help because apparently they don't help Aspies (as I've also read here), so I am in a state and frightened of society. I can't go on like this. I've been through therapy, but it hasn't really helped. I don't know what will.

I'm sorry you're going through a rough time. From what I read you do have people to talk to which is very nice as far as your social health goes and if guys like you, you probably are at least ok in terms of dates.

I have heard of meds working in some instances, but they don't work for everything. Honestly when given the chance, I will be trying them. There's really nowhere to go but up for me. I think. If they don't work, after a couple of months i'll just stop taking them.

Therapy is in my opinion, where professionalism makes the difference greatly. Just like you can go to a restaurant or store (lets say mcdonalds) and have a very unpleasant experience with a cashier who is terrible at their job, you can get a great one or therapist who knows what they're doing, knows how to handle a variety of people and takes helping you as priority--if not a personal highlight of their job.

joe90 ~ you shouldn't believe everything you read. Most people here usually write from personal experiences but write it in a way to make it look like a universal fact. Nobody here knows you, you only know yourself, so just stick by what you know when you're out and note down what people are generally nice to you and what people are a'holes to you, and I think you will be pleasantly surprised. Just keep your chin up and just go about your business and just not worry about how you appear because the more you think about it the more paranoid you will become, and it's the anxiety and paranoia that people pick up on, not you as an individual, since nobody's perfect.

With the job interview, you said about that when you PM'd me and it will be a shame if you don't get it because you say its the ideal opportunity for you. But having a support worker there shouldn't jaepodise you from getting the job like you think it might. If disability support workers lessened chances for people with disabilities to get back into employment, then I don't think they would be running the scheme. The employers know the disability employment support scheme are to help disabled people (don't take that the wrong way) to get back into work so they should give the disabled person as much chance as the next person, so long as you appeared proffessional at your interview, you know like wearing smart clothes, looking willing for the job, all that sort of thing, then you should be all right. If you are unsure, perhaps ask your disability support worker if he can perhaps tell them that you only have a mild case of Aspergers Syndrome and that you are able to do the job you are going for (otherwise you wouldn't be going for it) and that you are willing to do any tasks they offer you but you also require support and extra training.

Good luck and hope you get the job!

I think you should be courteous and pleasant to others as a matter of personal pride, but that's my opinion. As far as how others see you in real life, remember that their perspective is distorted by what they believe, like anyone's. As monstermunch pointed out, here on the forums there is a lot of relating to things personally, because, well... that's how we relate! This is indeed the case right? I haven't met anyone that doesn't say "I" or talk about themselves when relating to others, so of course I'm biased. I'm just pointing this out sort of as an example of a certain thought process on the matter.

It is more than okay to develop your virtues and stick to them; the right people will admire your qualities and your truthfulness to yourself will set you apart in a positive way-- as someone with values, someone trustworthy. That's a good thing. Sometimes people mistake us for the weak ones, when in fact, we are the most strong. That's not just saying something for the sake of it either... I'm not sure I could do that. More to the point, yielding to one's adversaries is not losing in the sense that it's just letting that a'hole do their thing without you getting involved in an emotional reaction because of it. It's like saying, 'go ahead, be a jerk, I don't care,' Sorry if that sounds negative, but it's important to realize that there is a choice in the situation for you to make, one of being caught up in what's happening and one in being sort of distanced from it. I hear NT's say all the time about how so and so is "just like that" or "just being ......... " today. This is what helps people cope with impossible situations. Things you can't directly affect or improve even given the power to do so.

Best to you, sorry you are struggling right now. I understand how you feel and wish you peace in your life. Acceptance will come in time. Just hang in there! Sorry for all the cliche'd phrasing, kind of lame but I mean them for real so hopefully that will go over well.

I think the negatives are jumping out at you here more than the positives. That's normal when somebody is worried about something, to see the negative examples more than the positive ones.

As for giving off vibes, no we do not give off vibes because we have AS. We can give off vibes showing that we are nervous but so can NT's. We can give off vibes showing that we are hostile but so can NT's. To give off vibes showing that you are confident when you really aren't, just do all kinds of self talk like a confident person would, even if you don't believe it. Pretend that you are playing the part of a confident person and act that way. I usually give off whatever type of vibe I am trying to give off. I'm professionally diagnosed AS, so it's possible to do this.

As for meds, they do work for me. Antidepressants do and they help a lot with my state of mind, which helps with anxiety. It took a few tries to get the correct combination and dosage, but it's worth it to try different ones until you find the one that works for you.

I have AS and was so awkward and terrible at social things when I was younger that it wasn't funny. I was the kind that you could just look at and tell something was wrong with. The way I sat, stood, walked, the expression on my face, etc. I had a hell of a hard time learning to not project that too, but I did learn it and today if you were to meet me somewhere without knowing me from here, you wouldn't guess I have AS nor would you guess that i was very nervous or anything but one of the most relaxed and confident women you have met. Of course that may be me faking it, but that's what youll see and how I'll come across. When I've successfully come across that way, and I can tell by how I am accepted and how others talk to me, then I relax more and actually do have more confidence in the situation.

Fake it till you make it. The more you fake it, the easier it is to fake it and the more confidence you gain that you are coming across the way you want to.

Here is an example. If I meet someone for a job interview, I would be perfectly comfortable saying "My name is Frances, I'm here for the job of <whatever>" and then sitting down and the interviewer looking at the papers asks me questions, I answer and he says "I'll let you know" and I leave. Thats not what they want though. They want me to come in and look them in the eye, extend my hand and say "Hi! I'm Frances, how are you?" and give them a firm handshake. I should answer their "Fine, and yourself?" with "Doing good, thank you" still with the smile on my face. Then I should sit in a way that shows that I know I am being evaluated and showing that I am professional. Usually sitting with my feet to one side and crossed at the ankles. (Ladies do not cross their legs, we cross our ankles) with my hands in my lap and my eyes on the interviewer.

I need to answer the questions in a way that seems truthful and I also need to inject humor into the interview once and only once. Light humor, the kind you either smile or chuckle at, nothing that would make you pee on yourself laughing so hard. I have to remind myself to nod when I'm supposed to and to also do the little things that show I'm listening. Then at the end of the interview, when they say "We will be in touch by <sometime>" I say "Great!" and stick my hand out again for a shake and say "It was good meeting you and I look forward to hearing from you" and I walk out.

None of that is neccessary, I don't think. In my world I would do away with it all except for the questions and answers. That's not how they work though so you have to learn how they work and work your own stuff that way. You can bring up AS, something like "Well I do have good attention to detail, I have Asperger's" and when they say "Really? You don't seem like it" then you say something like "Oh, get me started talking about the early middle ages and you'll see that I am" and then a short chuckle after. Or whatever your special interest is instead of the middle ages. Making light of it helps them see that 1. you have it and know you do and 2. you know that you sometimes do things differently but it's ok to point it out to you because you are aware you do things like that.

I do wish there was something I could say to you to help you see more positives. There really are so many positives out there for you, but I do understand that when your state of mind is anxious or negative that the things that seem to carry the weight are the negatives. Please do try meds, because they do work with us. Without my meds, I'm a freaking basket case.

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I'm giving it another shot. We will see.
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Xanax is gooood for nervousness.

AS can def mean issues with body language; but these can be worked on. I often try to think about my body language, and what its saying about me. Perfect, by no means, but def helps.

If people are hitting on you; you obviously don't look bad and your body language is not turning them off.

As for the airport thing; anyone who works beyond the security checkpoint has to have an ID card. Don't stress to much about it. Airports, at least in America, are often managed by government agencies which are usually more pro-disabilities.

OliveOilMom - I like your advice. I do already do the ''fake it 'til you make it'' technique. I've been doing that since, well, I'm not sure really, but as I've gotten older I've tried to become more likeable and now I am more socially accepted than I ever was before, so there must be something I'm doing right.

With body language, I'm not sure how my body language is but I am good at recognising body language in other people. Well, ''good'' is so overrated, you could just say I am average and don't have an issue with reading body language (since all people are different and don't have the exact same levels of strenghs and weaknesses). I have a lot of videos filmed of times when I was a child and even then I didn't look that different to the other kids. There is one video that was filmed of my Christmas play when I was 8, and if you watched it yourself, you wouldn't know which one I was (as the only Aspie) unless I told you. So if my body language didn't stand out then as a child with less self-awareness, then I shouldn't think my body language would stand out now as an adult with more developed, and learned, self-awareness. Plus I have gained a lot more social skills, and I've also worked on my posture, so now I hold my shoulders back and relax at the same time and now it's become natural to me that I don't look, or feel, I walk any different to the norm. I must admit, I did used to walk really hunched, in a stiff, ''funny'' way when I was at High School, but even then I didn't attract bullies so I can't of stood out that much, and the school I went to did have a lot of bullies there, some kids even got took out of the school because of being so badly bullied, and also lots of people have said that the school had a bad reputation, bully-wise.

So I know I have improved an awful lot, and I know this, but people getting me to believe that I am Aspie and will always look different no matter how normal I try to be, really does worry me. And surely NTs know that not everybody is great. I've learnt that anyway.