I feel like a failure.

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I was a failure as an employee, so I lost my job two weeks ago. I suck at losing weight, cleaning, cooking, and any skill that a woman is required to have to be successful in life. I just wonder when I'll be worth anything. The only thing I've managed to not screw up yet is my relationship with my boyfriend but I'm sure I'll manage to ruin too in time. I just want to be a successful and independent adult. I'll be filing for unemployment on Thursday, something I never wanted to do. Now I feel like a leech on the working taxpayers. That's how I feel in general. I'm just a worthless pest leeching off of everyone else. It's not because I want to live that way, it's just that I suck too much to be truly independent.

Well I don't see why it would be necessarily to lose weight in order to be a successful women. The other stuff helps but I am not big on gender roles so I don't see why guys shouldn't have those skills as well. But not everyone is great at those things.....are there any things you feel you are good at? Maybe you could focus on those things instead of the things you aren't so good at.

Also you're not a leech for needing financial help due to losing a job everyone needs to live and the most efficient way to do that is having money which the unemployment gives you.

Other then that I do kinda know how you feel, I mean I said what I said but even I have a hard time following my own advice and not getting too down on myself about things.

Isn't it obvious? Fat women aren't accepted in society. We're seen as ugly monsters that need to be changed. I have at least 50 pounds of ugly that I have to get rid of. The other things are things my mom holds over me. She keeps saying I need "wife training" and that's her excuse to get me to do the dishes. The things I am good at aren't worth anything, videogames and writing. Writing jobs are hard to come by, well at least the good ones. :/

I guess I just don't typically judge people so harshly for things like that and I have even seen larger females who I would not describe as ugly at all. but yes society has it's flaws one of them being holding people to ridiculous standards....I could type pages about what I think is wrong with it but I won't do that in your thread, point is its not worth getting down on yourself because of what 'society' thinks. Also you're mom seems like she is being emotionally abusive and manipulative towards you based on that.......she is the one with the problem so I would suggest trying not to take it to heart, but I know that can be much easier said then done.

And writing is good, but yeah as far as I know it can be hard to come by those jobs.......honestly it seems kinda hard to come by jobs in general. Video games are certainly fun, but other then trying to find some place that will pay you to test video games or something it probably would not create much income. Other then that I kinda feel I am in a somewhat similar situation and am trying to figure out how to make income myself and I've never even worked long enough to qualify for unemployment so at least you've got that going for now.

Okay, but you KNOW that this is horses**t, right? You're in a bad place right now, both emotionally and logistically. If only there were a way for you to get out of your mother's house - she has been a bad piece of news for you, forever, and it's time for you to find a way to establish boundaries with her. You will feel much better. Nobody needs "wife training", that's just emotionally-manipulative BS, and you know it. There's no one kind of wife, and no set of roles that each wife has to fulfill.

By the way, where's your mother's college degree? Where is her highly-successful life and svelte body (like that matters)?

Have you talked to your boyfriend at all about anything? Can he provide you with some emotional support?

She has an associate's degree in accounting and is making 3x the amount I was making at my last job. She doesn't have a svelte body and she beats herself up about it all the time. I guess she takes it out on me to make her feel better about herself and that she hasn't had a man since the divorce 20 years ago.

I talk to him and he doesn't understand my mother at all. I haven't told him about the "wife training" thing yet. He actually hasn't answered my texts today so he either is really busy or left his phone at home by mistake. He does provide emotional support...when I can get a hold of him. Which is very inconsistent. I know he has a life too and I don't want to depend on him for anything.

The first part isn't necessarily true. It's not difficult for a fat woman to hook up for sex. It does affect job prospects though.

Also, learning to clean is part of being an adult. It's a skill you use whether you are married or single. That doesn't mean you need to like it.

You wanted advice, here it is: stop caring about what "society" wants. "Society" wants us all to be NT, and you simply can't be that no matter how hard you try because your brain is wired differently than an NT's. So you'll never be Harriet Housewife, sorry but it's not in the cards for most AS women, and even for many NT women it's a bad stereotype that should be viewed as offensive and demeaning. Your mom is horrible for wanting you to be "a good wife". Just because she was doesn't mean you should be too.

I have seen pix of you, and it's obvious to me that you don't have the body structure to be a supermodel. You simply aren't built to be slim and "sexy". So stop trying to worry about "society's" non-acceptance of "fat women" (hey you're not 500 lbs like some women I've seen, now THAT is fat, you are not fat!) before you end up with an eating disorder. Do you want to be like Solvejg on the adult forum, struggling to eat and keep a healthy weight even though your conscious brain knows it's good to be healthy, but the subconscious is screaming "thin thin thin!". You don't want an eating disorder. Now THAT is hell.

Also, you live in a really bad area to find a job, Pennsylvania was hit really hard by the depression. I hate to say this, but it's likely you will never find a job in writing, at least not in the middle of nowhere farm country where you are now. You need to start putting in applications all over the country, my cousin has an engineering degree and had to put in applications all over the country, and wound up moving from California to Texas.

People with liberal arts degrees are really getting the shaft in this economy, what's needed are technical people, and if you aren't a geek you are screwed. A lot of young people are having trouble finding a job, you're not alone. As long as your mom insists you be the perfect woman you'll never be happy because you're not being Erisad but somebody else. As long as you want to be a model, you'll be unhappy, and trust me it can get a hell of a lot worse, because you're not being yourself. You might find a job if you think outside the box.

I can clean, it's just not to my mother and grandmother's standards, like everything else I do.

Why would I move out of state? I would have nowhere to go. I can't drive so unless I became familiar with a whole new state and public transportation system, I wouldn't know where to begin. I'm not really counting on writing jobs anymore. Just admin assistant positions, data entry, receptionists, clerks, pretty much anything. I'm avoiding customer service since that's just what I was canned from, but I don't think I'll be able to. And retail? Uuuugh. I'm scared to go back to that field but I might have to.

I don't want to be a model. I'll never be a model. I just want to be just 50 pounds lighter, I'll feel so much better. I've spent the past two months losing and gaining the same 4 pounds and it's frustrating. >.<

You need to move out. You will NEVER be good enough for them, and it's not your fault, it's theirs. First on the list: a job. Put in applications to writing jobs no matter where they are. If you have to move cross country, great, then the harpy (your mom) can't get to you.

I don't want to move out yet or go across the country. My boyfriend is in this state and I want to be with him, I just don't think we're at that point in our relationship where we can live together yet. I don't have a car or any job so how can I move yet? I would have nowhere to stay during the interview process and I'll blow a lot of money on hotel rooms.

You don't suck, you're just putting unrealistic expectations on yourself, everyone struggles when they first start trying to maintain a home or try learning skills such as cooking. It just takes a little perseverance and determination, don't let one failure define you.

I really suck at driving too. This is why I'm 22 years old and don't have a license yet. I wanted to get a car so I can teach myself but that's not going to happen now. I'm just struggling with everything I attempt and it's frustrating.

When you get a job, enroll in a driver's training class. They usually provide cars.

I did take driving lessons last summer. The lady was really mean, they were also $45/hr and only operated during the regular work day so I would be in work whenever they offer lessons. Besides, I doubt they would let me keep the car. :/