Ending the debate once and for all.

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We all have issues that push our buttons. If you're a follower of my posts, you know that for some reason, I have a thing against the A-word that is less controversial, but more acceptable than the other A-word, which is more in vogue to slam if you're a politician. That's right, I'm talking about adoption.

I have no idea why I was being such a huge, narrow-minded jerkass regarding the topic. I guess that me slamming adoption represents my feelings of being alien in my family because of my Aspieness, and possibly my zaniness as well. How could I make such a baseless and offensive judgment on an issue without having witnessed or experienced it myself? It's in our nature to stereotype others based on their lifestyle, background, or whatever criteria one desires. At one point, I suspected a prospective adopter of being a pedophile and considered doing housework for him to cover my investigation. Not that I've met him in person; I've only seen him once, and from what my dad says, I have reason to suspect the guy isn't the Keyser Soze I think he is.

In a way, the idea of adoption being a flawless, happily-ever-after-for-all affair is, in itself, a stereotype, perhaps designed to give people some hope. Cynical implementation? Oh, hell yeah. Watch Juno, or Superman, or any Lifetime movie about the subject. But people buy it, and more believe it, which may or may not be a good thing. The down side is that it coddles us from the flawed, somewhat darker reality and implications. However, in a society that is gradually going down into an ocean of pessimism and misanthropy, the idea of there being altruistic people out there willing and able to take up someone else's child when they can't support it brings a ray of light. At least the kid's dismembered, underdeveloped remains won't be put in a plastic bag and dropped in the dumpster of a hospital alley.

People need hope, right? Suppose I were to write a book about some a**hole adoptive couple beating/raping/manipulating/berating their kid. That would probably be my equivalent of a certain Rushdie book which I will not name on the grounds that there may be Muslims on this website. Adoption is a respected institution, and to blast it in fiction form nowadays would be both extremely dangerous and career suicide for a writer like me. There's a saying on the trope page for Darkness Induced Audience Apathy: "Meaningful conflict is the soul of drama." If it wrote of a Leave It to Beaver-esque adoptive family, it would [b]NOT[b] feel realistic. Likewise, throwing in abuse and excessive dysfunction would be mean-spirited, not to mention unpleasant.

I find writing to be a form of therapy for me. I've really wanted to write a novel involving adoption as part of the storyline for a very long time, but so far, nothing is coming to me. Will it be drama, science-fiction, horror, mystery, thriller? I cannot say.

Have you written novels before? How about something smaller like a short story?

Well I see your point but at the same time there are parents that mistreat their own kids.....and there are people who adopt with good intentions and do really care for the child so lets not sterotype them all as jerks wanting some kid to abuse. I would agree adopting a child you cannot afford to feed and otherwise provide for would be a stupid choice but again I don't think that is the case with all who adopt.

Well, indeed. There's no way in hell that you can get a kid for the wrong reasons nowadays. You have to go through a certain, necessary horror called the home study. If a snake were to slither past it, expect the suits to appear on the other side with pokers.

Well I don't know about that, I know of kids who are adopted for the wrong reasons nowdays, well ok maybe more like 6 years ago when I was still in highschool. Have things really changed so much since then? Anyways either way I do not condone mistreatment of kids and it typically pisses me off kind of like animal abuse......if I saw someone abusing an animal and or child I would have a hard time not attempting to beat the crap out of them(I admit I might lose but still).

Anyone who hurts a kid does not deserve to be a parent. End of story.

Pretty much, though to get technical what about accidentaly hurting the child like not understanding them and doing harm because of it, but not out of intention to cause any harm?

Does any parent NOT hurt their children?

I can look back on my childhood and see many instances of their actions which contributed to the making of the nutcase I am today. They didn't do it out of malice. They weren't perfect, none of us are.

My best friend growing up was adopted. His brother (also adopted) was autistic. His parents did pretty well with the both of them.

My best friend was adopted and he's happy to be alive. There's another A word that I'm cynical about. It's not autism or Asperger's.

I was adopted and happy to be. The life left behind was far worse than any mistakes made after.

Last edited by johnny77 on 16 Jun 2012, 11:26 pm, edited 1 time in total.

If you wrote it well that could be how you make your career. Entertainment comes in many forms - one of the oldest is tragedy. Especially tragedy that people can relate to. Now if you slandered adoption in principle and wrote a screed against adoption itself, then yes, it would meet with nothing but disapproval ... but simply a story about a potentially true situation is not the same thing.

I agree.. people like stories where the good guys win- lotrt, harry potter, avengers..

These movies may contain death, sadness and loss. But they still attract us?

Why? Because we like to follow the journey.


Look at the movie SuckerPunch. It's about an abused child that is given a lobotomy to transfer the estate to the evil uncle. Granted it has sex appeal a bit but it still isn't a topic we would say "hey make a movie out of a child getting lobotomized".

The point being, what is happening to the characters in your story matters less than how they handle it. Or what becomes of them in the end.


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Also, I agree adoption is portrayed as too cutesy wootsie by people who are too scared of god to just dispose of the half-grown.

I'm adopted, if that makes my view different somehow..

I agree with other people who have said that it would depend on how the book is written.

Although in regards to adoption, I've met people who've had positive experiences with it, for instance my partner and their sister, and people who've had really negative experiences with it.

I think a lot of people get too focused on the differences between being adopted and living with your biological family. I've known lots of people, myself included, who've had horrible experiences with their biological family. The difference in parenting quality is there no matter how the children came to be with the parents.

I've actually seen a fair few 'adoption is evil' movies, particularly life time movies. I remember one quite vividly in which two babies are switched at birth, and one of them is being given up for adoption, and the adopted child is beaten and abused by their mother. Eventually they find out they were switched and the birth mother takes both of the children, then she's a single mother to I think four or five children - at least two of which probably have emotional issues from being switched at birth and beaten etc. - which I bet wasn't a walk in the park either.

I think what is really a problem is the way people sanctify parents in general. Parents are often the people most likely to be hurting their child, biological or not.

As a personal aside, when dealing with unwanted pregnancies, I definitely champion abortion rather than adoption, less emotional unrest and trauma for all involved. But I'm not religious or anything so... *shrugs*.

Although I was never adopted, my parents never wanted me and did not wish to keep me.

As a result, I have had 6 guardians instead while growing up (there is one more lady who could also be counted, although it was never official so it's really 7). Only 1 of those were abusive.

I'm not saying that every adoption or every set of guardians a child has will work out well, of course not, but it doesn't necessarily have to turn out badly either. In my case and considering my parents attitudes, it was probably preferable to go the guardian / adoption route rather than keep me, for all involved.

Nothing is perfect.

As I recall, "Mommie Dearest" did pretty well. The book and the movie.