Since the Dx...

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... I've been grieving my life, the life I thought I had. The friends, the aspirations, the possibility of find a circle of people where I was welcome, not just tolerated.

Sure, the Dx has explained a lot of things, but it has also pretty much destroyed my self confidence & positive outlook. Things are not going to get better.

The one person I thought was a very good friend, just turned out to be one of those 'nice' people that are being 'kind' & then their patience runs out & they slam you.

So, though ostensibly my life is good in a lot of ways, it's not satisfying. It's empty, gone, pointless. Kind of a big cosmic joke, a karmic dead end.

Hello DonkeyBuster,

What you say about you and your life is no so different from the way I feel about myself. I am fortunate (very fortunate) to have one very close friend she makes me happy but we lives 100's of miles apart so only get to meet on holidays.

I assume here that Dx is short for diagnosis? I've received an initial diagnosis and have asked for further tests because I want the reassurance that brings. In the United Kingdom we have legislation exclusively in place to ensure ASD people get the help they need and I shall use this to my best advantage.

I wish I could provide words of comfort or hope - perhaps I have a bit? I feel that WP is about the best place to get advice and support and hope someone else here can offer you further words of encouragement.

I had a similar experience upon my diagnosis, it was a letdown that I'll forever have to put in extra effort when talking to people and so on, but I was also happy to know myself better, so I can also work on my strengths.

When I was diagnosed last year it felt like a bunch of stormtroopers had invaded my life and taken me away to be put in a camp with the 'abnormal' people, and told me there was no way I could ever get back. Now it's like standing behind a pane of glass, watching everyone else living normal, interactive lives and knowing that I'll never be able to be part of it.

I'll never have kids or a partner, and I'm grieving over that - I always assumed it would happen eventually, but now I have to accept that it won't.

Although I've occasionally had friends, they always see me as someone to be fixed, or someone who would be normal if only I'd just try harder.

I am lucky in some ways; I have a job that pays the mortgage, a nice house and I don't have to worry about the bills, but the loneliness is utterly overwhaelming at times. I've done all the right things over my life - joined clubs, made the effort to be friendly and interested in other people, but Aspergers is like a bad smell - people recognise it, even if only subconsciously, and it drives them away.

My family are only interested in me on the most superficial level - there is a wall at my mother's house covered in about 50 'family photographs' and not one of them is of me. I think of it as the Wall of Truth. If I ry to talk to her about anything, she always twists the conversation to how I 'done her wrong' by not being grateful enough for being housed/fed/clothed.

Female Aspies are even more 'wrong', it seems, than male Aspies; lots of the Aspie guys I know found partners without any problem, but men just aren't willing to enter a relationship that requires them to make any effort over the average. Sometimes I feel almost hysterical with fear at the way my life is going to be - I don't want to be alone, but I have no choice. I suppose I could find someone if I was willing to sacrifice the need to have a partner who actually cares about me, but I know that would be stupid and far worse in the end.

Sorry - just reread that and realised that it does come across as one long whine...I do get very down at times.

My brother, whom I'm pretty sure is an undiagnosed Aspie, is getting married next year, which is wonderful. Although we live in different countries, I'm hoping to be allowed to be an auntie. I would like to talk to him about the Aspie stuff, but his fiancee comes from a very close, NT family, and she's desperate for kids - I'm not sure what her reaction would be if she realised that there was a possibility the Aspie thing was genetic. (I'm fairly sure my father was Aspie, also my half-brother and several cousins on the paternal side. Can't be certain, though, as my extended family cut me off when I was 16, so I'm going on childhood memories here.)

There still seems to be a bit of panic among NTs that exposure to someone autistic will somehow damage kids, and that we're not safe to be around. I think, on balance, that it's better not to say anything to him.

About the loneliness thing - it's my own fault, in many ways, as there is a guy at work (almost certainly Aspie) who I think would go out with me, but although we get on well and probably understand each other better than most of those around us, he seems to have this barely controlled fury that scares me. I grew up with one angry, violent parent who was replaced by an angry, emotionally abusive step-parent, and the thought of being around someone who gets angry on a regular basis makes me shake. He has many good qualities, too, and I don't think he would ever be violent or anything like that, but I just can't get past this fear.

Hi Tassie,

I wish I could say something positive to show I care and I'd like to help if I could.

I thought that the genetic link was still rather doubtful so it's not conductive to a proper understanding of AS if people remain so entrenched in their views. Surely, the more understanding people are, the easier we can all live happily together? I am not sure how near to a normal life you lead, but all I need is to be left alone. I'll go a long way to void the triggers that make me ill, but I can't hide or run forever.

I am not very good at guessing how men think of women (I find that I can't bond with men when it comes to their typical view of relationships). But for me, I just want to be with someone who I can trust and have some fun with. It's taken 46 years, but Ann (my girlfriend) was worth the wait.

I hope what I've said here has some relevance; I hope Ive understood your feelings correctly

OMG necrothread, sorry