Talk. Don't Talk. Wait! Don't!

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What do NT's want from me? Really? If i talk in the middle of a conversation I am interrupting, if I wait for my turn to talk I am not listening. If I get exited and forget my "conversation manners" I am being intentionally rude and if I apologize I do not mean it.

What Do they want from me? Do I talk and become "responsive" in a verbal exchange? How do I not wait my turn without interrupting? Why are there so many damn rules to just talking for crying out loud? I wish I did not have to talk at all. Sometimes I wish I was non-verbal. Maybe then people would leave me the hell alone.

Being female and in the spectrum is a chore. I feel people expect way to friking much from me socially.

Agree, completely agree. AND I'm getting tired of 90% of the AS/autism info being about males.

I'm facing a situation right now that is similar... I'm trying to get the info I need to know what to expect & I'm being told I'm controlling & telling people what to do. For the life of me I can't figure out how asking if there's tamari or soy sauce being used is either.

And I really can't help you... I haven't really figured it out myself. I've just found a couple of friends that don't seem to have a problem w/my conversational style. So now I don't have to think about it so much.

I just impatiently wait till they are done and then...if they still really want to hear what i had to say then I might say I forgot what I was saying which is usually true. But it gets to people because it's like they are thinking 'well now that she's forgotten I want to know.' so they kind of figure out if they want to hear what I had to say they shouldn't interrupt otherwise I'll either forget or get bored and go do something else.

Though sometimes I lie about forgetting, but then they forget not to interrupt so meh. I suppose I can see that its sometimes confusing if I am done or not because I might take a pause to gather my thoughts and people think I'm done or something.

My friend works with people on the spectrum. There def is a differential in women's resources.

[quote]What do NT's want from me? Really? If i talk in the middle of a conversation I am interrupting, if I wait for my turn to talk I am not listening. If I get exited and forget my "conversation manners" I am being intentionally rude and if I apologize I do not mean it.

What Do they want from me? Do I talk and become "responsive" in a verbal exchange? How do I not wait my turn without interrupting? Why are there so many damn rules to just talking for crying out loud? I wish I did not have to talk at all. Sometimes I wish I was non-verbal. Maybe then people would leave me the hell alone.

Talking in the middle of someone else is rude unless it's really important.

I'm curious by the "if your waiting your not listening" aspect. Do you zone out when they talk?

You should talk during a verbal exchange.

Just sit and listen to the person talk. When they stop; if they pause for more than 2-3 seconds; it's probably ok to talk.

Communication is about rules. Spelling, Grammer, order is needed to make sense. Imagine if you were trying to have a conversation and everyone was yelling or talking over each other; your brain probably couldn't make sense of everything.

I understand the rules, so to speak. If she talks about something I formulate an opinion, wait for her to finish her sentence count to 5 then talk. She says that I do not listen to her, just wait for her to finish to "put in my two cents" and that that is rude. How is that rude? Sometimes I count as far as like 15 and last time she was so angry. She was yelling at me at how I do not care about her because I do not listen to her. That just because she is done with her sentence she is not done with her thought. I was like: "But I was trying to have an interactive conversation. You say something, I say something." she said that is not how it works.

When I am quiet she assumes I am brooding and says "I wish you didn't act so upset" I will say "Im not upset just tired" she thinks I have an attitude.

What is worse Ive talked to her about AS before she is disgusted by my "wishing to piggy back other people's problems". So I stopped voicing my concerns, including my sensory overload and my inability to follow conversations without looking at lips (facial expressions distract me).

Maybe for those of you who are getting the "You don't listen to me" line, you should look into cultivating some reflective or active listening skills. There are ways of signaling that you are listening. It's something that I'm working on; it soothes people, helps them feel like they've been heard & allows them to receive what you say.

It's a rare practice, very few NTs actually do a very good job of it, but I know when I've talked to someone who has these skills, I really do much better in the conversation.

I don't have too much trouble understanding the social rules correctly. It's the fashion and trends rules that throw me.