Is my boyfriend's texting fit an aspergers meltdown?

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So The story goes like this. I am in the park (this fb status triggered his negative mood: "I am going to the park alone... text me if you feel like joining") and John starts to send me texts asking me if I was happy alone the park. I tell him that I am having a good day. He also makes a few comments of me dancing dirty on the beach with guys and that joke/comment offended quite a bit but I keep my cool. John tells me that he is going fourwheeling alone and so I ask to join him and he says no (because he thinks I dont really wanna go but I do) I ask him 4 times and he says no. I decide to keep my responses brief (eg: okay, alright, yeah, mmhmm) so I don’t explode on him. I tell him to “chill out” and “calm down” when he continues to send me false assumptions and gibberish messages. Then he makes a comment on how negative I am so I lose it and say “then break up with me!”



John: You keep bringing it up maybe your wish will come true keep it up Mallory

John:‎  You had a great day without me so carry on 

Me: And i have a great day with you.

John:  No you don't you're happy right now so you don't see me for days now so we will see how your happiness holds up 

John:‎‎  Maybe your wish will come true, keep pushing it

John:‎‎ ‎  Keep ignoring me..atta girl! 

Me: I dunno what to say

John:‎‎   Keep ignoring me then you obviously have a great day without me and are happy as you can be right now

Me: Not true. Dont know what else to say.

John:‎‎ Maybe your wish will come true

John:‎‎ Yes you are happy as you can be, so yes very true.

John:‎‎   Ignore me all you want, just puts you even closer to your wish
Me: I dunno what to say
Me:  What am i supposed to say?
John:‎‎ Ignore me once more I dare ya
John:‎‎  Yes you are happy as you can be, so yes very true.
John:‎‎ ‎  Are you not as happy as you can be right now? You love it all
John:‎‎  You love everything as it is right now and couldn't be happier
Me: I dunno what to say hun
John:‎‎  I dare you to ignore me one more time.
Me: Not true
John:‎‎  I dare you
Me:‎  I am lost as to what to say
Me:  Im lost for words
John:‎‎   What's not true
John:‎‎  What's not true Mrs happy?
Me:  Im happy with you. Okay. I am.
John:‎‎  You're completely happy today everything is prefect then good for you
John:‎‎ Oh mhhmm
John:‎‎   What's not true Mrs happy?
John:‎‎   What's not true
John:‎‎ What's not true Mrs happy?
Me: Its not true that im happier without you. Not true at all
John:‎‎ Well you're happier than ever and had a great day today so it sounds pretty true to me
Me: Its not true. Why are you thinking this way?
John:‎‎  It is look at the status you posted (my status was something like: “I had a great day today. I am looking forward to class tomorrow”)
John: You are happy
John:‎‎ Plus It's without me, BONUS!! !
Me: If you wanna talk call me.
John:‎‎ You're just fine
Me: Im crying right now.
John:‎‎ Why r u crying
Me: All these things you are saying make me really sad.
John:‎‎ Why are you crying?
John:‎‎  But they're all true
John:‎‎  Give examples
Me: You are claiming and assuming all these negative things about me. Im crying just stop this its hurting so much
Me:  I am not in the mood to argue John please stop saying all these things to me, "making your wish come true" and "im happier without you" stop being this way its making me super depressed.
John:‎‎  Yeah sure
John:‎‎ What negative things? Do I like arguing....NO! Now cut it out
Me: Just please.
Me: Stop with the sarcasm. Please
John: Whatever
John:‎‎  What negative things! You are happy so get over it
Me: Chicken noodle soup
John:‎‎ What NEGATIVE THINGS???! !! !!
Me: Shortbread.
John:‎‎ Say one more word and avoid my question one time and see what happens!! !
John:‎‎  Answer my question
John:‎‎ You're really starting to piss me off
Me: Ill answer your question if you call me
John:‎‎ Send me a response like that one more time I dare ay
Me: Ill answer your question if you call me
John:‎‎ You are beyond irritating me
Me: Ok, bacon
Me: Fish
Me: Pancake
Me: Corn chowder

This is where he calls me and yells at me.

Is this an Aspergers meltdown or something anyone will do?

A little info about John is that he is very focused and obsessed with cars and moving to texas and he struggles to take interest in some of the topics I bring up. he repeats a lot of random facts and asks a lot of questions. He also walks around in an awkward way. But he seems to fit in quite well with my friends and his friends and is clean cut.

No offense, but he sounds really annoying. I would just tell him to deal with it, your having a good time by yourself and everybody needs their space. If he can't put up with that, then fine. Not much advice I suppose, but I wouldn't put up with that.

He sounds like an insecure asshat.

I can't say for anyone else, but when I have a melt down, I'm not in a physical state to be texting. It seems like something any insecure asshat would do, I can't say whether or not he's an insecure asshat with Aspergers, or not.

This is emotional abuse

That's not typical, even of somebody diagnosed with AS. That's more along the lines of borderline personality disorder type crap.

Honestly, if he's manipulating you like that, then you don't need him.

This back and forth reinforces why I avoid relationships. I'm NO GOOD with inconsequential unimportant banter. It just irks me. Of course, if I met someone who wasn't petty and our back and forth was deep, then that's different.

In a real, grown up relationship, there is no room for someone flipping out over a FB status update. Honestly. It sounds like he is being mean to you, daring you to "ignore" him. To me it sounds like a very unstable, highly insecure person. You aren't ever going to be able to satisfy his needs to constantly surveil you and his mistrust of your ability to survive without him.

ie- in a healthy relationship your partner would extend the trust to you that you would extend to anyone you truly care about. Trust such as, going to the park alone is your time, and you have the dignity and right to go there without being accused, even jokingly, of being unfaithful. etc.

my two cents

Since you seem to wonder what this was, I'm guessing this isn't normal for him. If so, it could be something set him off. And although in my most "complete" meltdowns I'm not sure I could have managed texting (never tried it), I've had other, atypical ones where I was able to type, write, whatever, at a rapid-fire pace. I'm hyperlexic, with a drive to write in any case, so I'm not sure how my experience would apply to him.

And I'm not sure how to read the conversation. If this is normal for him, I'd say he is an insecure jerk, as the other commenters have suggested. If this was out of the blue, and not normal, then it isn't that different from a few times something has pushed me over the edge and I've felt driven to communicate while in the process of melting down. These were not so much physical meltdowns, but mental ones, awful death spirals in the mind, spinning into self-destructive chaos. They're no more fun than the regular kind, and sometimes worse, in their own way, because it is possible to do so much more harm in that state. And if that was the state he was in, I can pretty much guess what was going through his mind - that he'd as good as lost you anyway, and the uncertainty was tearing him up, so he might as well light the match and burn the whole thing down and get it over with. It was the psychological equivalent of punching himself in the face. (I've done both, so I know whereof I speak.) That is, if this was unusual for him. If it's normal, he's just being a douchebag.

I'd agree with everything you've said - with one caveat. The OP seemed to be reacting as if this was not normal behaviour for him. In that case, I'd be inclined to think one or more other things were smouldering beneath the surface, and the FB status update was just the last straw.

Now, again, if this is the way he usually acts, you're entirely right. But if this is not his usual behaviour, then I think it might really have been a meltdown of sorts. I've endured my own version of these. And every one of them was provoked by a number of things going wrong, all at once, but most of them were finally triggered by some tiny thing that just pushed it over the edge.

Uh.. having been in a relationship for many years now I can tell you this.

Don't ever say "then break up with me" unless you want to break up, even out of anger. If he's right and you bring it up a lot, its being pretty passive aggressive and slightly manipulative of the situation whether intentional or not.

Also probably reading into it more than I should but if you have a great day with him and a great day without him, does that mean that it doesn't matter if he's there or not?

From the way it sounds like he's very insecure.. and it does sound like he's emotionally abusive or was being so in that dialogue you posted.

But it also sounds like you guys have a really tough time communicating with each other without insults, patronization, sarcasm or flat out disrespect. I know that these types of conversations happen in a relationship, but without one person stepping up and being mature the situation gets worse before it gets better.

I couldn't say if his emotional state had to do with aspergers or not--he seems very childish and immature. If he's a teen, he could just be hormonal and might grow out of it.. if he's an adult (18+) i'd personally say to be wary of his abusive temperment.

He is feeling something, I think jealousy or insecurity about the relationship, but is having trouble expressing it. Either he has to become better at understanding that emotion or you need to become better at reading it, because the back-and-forth escalating to you crying is not going to work out.

Wow thank you all for the in depth responses. It is hard for me to hear some of this especially when it is said that he is abusive. I have been through an emotionally abusive relationship from july 2011-jan 2012 and this other guy was horrible, he called me names like "idiot" "b***h" and scream at me over little things and made fun of my dying grandmother, it started to get physical in the end. He never took interest in anything I liked to do, just sat around and watched TV/played video games. I have been in quite a string of lousy relationships, even the other ones were awful in their own way, such as the first one being controlling (the silent treatment, getting yelled at for drinking) and getting used sexually in my second one. I had most of my hopes in John, he is the first guy I truly fell in love with and its disappointing me to see him act this way when he is angry. He has had another meltdown like this yesterday but I was properly able to diffuse it by changing the subject and saying positive things. I talked to John's brother and he said that john has always been like this. Supposedly john may have a lot of immaturity issues he cannot keep a convo going on other peoples topics and has a tendency to bring up sensitive/hurtful topics that put me in a bad mood. I can feel myself starting to dislike being around John at times and I am not sure how to get him to be more mature... You just can't change someone.

Well I would not say he is abusive, rude maybe. Maybe he himself had a really freakish moment. Does AS excuse him being a little prck at that moment? No. People do argue and hurt each other's feelings sometimes. Unless he does this everyday, I do not think it is abuse, maybe he just had a crappy moment in his head.

edit: Okay re-read your last post, I missed the immaturity issue.

Maybe he just needs to grow up. I will tell you a little secret that is no secret. Sometimes it is a good thing to go through bad relationships because then when you truly get a good one, you know how much to appreciate and love them.

Maybe he is not supposed to be your ever after. I have not have any luck myself, so I can't advice you on what to do other than tell him how feel, think about the whole thing and do not settle just because he is not as bad as the others, seen that, too.

make a 'The Good List" and "The Bad list"

If the bad outweighs the good, then don't hold on to him, but if the good outweighs the bad do what you can to make things better.

+1

He's provoking you on purpose. I read that some aspies do see how their partner reacts, kind of like a weird experiment. But it is definitely unhealthy, and you don't deserve that treatment. Tell him not to provoke you again on purpose.

this guy is awful. I'd send him back to a hole if you were my sister.

but, if you really like him, make it very clear you're not to be treated this way, it's very rude and childish.