Mind Numbing Anxiety

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I feel like I'm stuck right now, like my mind is on a continuous loop.

The focus of my anxiety is ALWAYS illogical, and never an issue, but that doesn't mean I don't spend days dreaming up scenarios, catastrophizing, obssesing, and panicking about some minute or non-existent issue going on in my life.

It can range from freaking out about a bump on my tongue (can anyone say, "fear of mouth cancer") to blaming myself for stuff that I absolutely did not do.

It can incorporate me checking on my horse over and over because I'm afraid I left the stall door unlocked, to thinking my horse is going to die because I didn't put salt in her stall and I'll be gone for a month, and she needs electrolytes, and I'm a bad owner, and on and on and on.

I know how it ends up, though. It ends up either with me having a meltdown, or with me pacing and stimming for hours, or re-doing things, or double checking things, for days.
My poor Mother doesn't know how to help me, and so she ends up taking this tone with me that feels like she's angry. I know she's not and she says she's not, but her voice sounds so frustrated, so I feel guilty for the anxiety, but I keep perseverating anyway.

I just want to curl up and die right now, figuratively speaking. I can't stop the loop!! !!

You need to find ways to occupy and distract yourself.

- Exercise. It generates mood boosting endorphins.

- Read funny stories and watch funny shows. Humor also generates endorphins.

- Eat healthy, and enough of it. A healthier diet will boost your immune system and is also good for your mind. Skimping on amount of food leads to depression, crankiness, and being more prone to get sick.

- Get enough rest. Being tired leads to depression, crankiness, and being more prone to get sick, too.

- Listen to and/or play music. This is mood boosting.

- Take courses, either in person, or online. Some of the online ones are free. The in person ones are a good way to meet people.

- Volunteer. There are people worse off than we are, who would really appreciate the help. It's also a good way to meet people, and boost your self image and mood.

- Take up a hobby or join a club. These are good ways to meet people who share your interests.

- Get involved in community activities. Attend town meetings, events at local libraries and other local organizations. Attend local sporting events, fairs, and art shows. Attend and/or participate in local theater groups. These are all great ways to meet people and boost your self image and mood.

- Employment/or self employment. Great way to meet people, boost self image, put money in your wallet, gain experience. Since you have been having trouble finding work as an employee, perhaps you should consider self employment. There are many types to choose from.

Now go and do something!

I agree about the exercise part. I try to exercise every day as it definitely helps.
Also, it may sound trite, but exercise helps you to look better and if you know that you at least look attractive then at least it is one less thing to feel down about.

Does someone look after your horse when you are away? If so, you could always call them and ask them to check the salt.

I know that loop feeling though, I get that sometimes. Again, exercise helps. If you can afford to, do a yoga class or something. Yoga can be quite good for lifting out of that loop feeling, or at least making it less intense.

You are wonderfully lucky to have a horse. I would imagine that spending time with him or her would help lift your mood.

I relate to this a lot...I'm going through the same thing now. I have irrational fears about my health as well......lumps, bumps, marks freak me out and since I just finished my degree in psych and focused more on the biological side of the discipline I know a lot about symptoms of brain tumors and neurological problems some of which I know can also be symptoms of the common cold but I always freak out at the slightest possible indication of something like this....even though I know how illogical it is. I also have a lot of social anxiety.

I'm very close to my mom and she also gets annoyed with me for obsessing. She actually broke out into hives and got no sleep worrying about me recently.......after I had a meltdown one day. However even when I just seem really anxious it annoys/upsets her (also my skin picking drives my mom crazy...she HATES IT) and then I get agitated and feel guilty about that......but I also can't break the maddening loop. Anyways I can't give much advice I can just relate.

I exercise (swim) everyday which does help but I still have this very bad anxiety. Sleep and a regular schedule would definitely help but it's hard to sleep with so much anxiety. I take medication for it as well. I'm looking into getting cognitive behavioral therapy.....the data shows this to be the best approach overall for treating most type of anxiety.

I can relate to that too. From time to time I go through phases where I will obsess over health and spiritual matters and ask questions that I really can't answer. I'll then obsess over the most negative possibility and think it describes a problem I have or something I have done wrong. The problem for me is that I spend a lot of time alone. While I seem to mind being alone less and less as life goes on, the problem is that I need other people around me to keep me from obsessing over one thing too much. I usually prefer to be around people with problems because I can then focus my mental energies on their issues instead of mine and do some good in the process. Normal people without issues scare me because they are too difficult to read and I usually find I have nothing to talk to them about. People with problems though, are easy to talk to because they will go on and on about them since they just want to vent. Because of this, you don't really need to do much except for sit back, analyze the issue and try to come up with a constructive suggestion at the end. It's a whole lot easier than trying to discuss pop culture and other non-essential drivel with normal, happy people.

@ questor - very good suggestions. Although, I try to do those things, but I have a hard time actually doing them because the anxiety gets so bad that I get "locked in" and pacing the house for a few hours. It's hard to do much else when I can't get out of that state without help, and usually, there's no one around to help me get out. When I do that it's almost like I'm in a trance.

I guess those are things I could use to try to "snap myself"out of the trance... Oh, and I do have a job...I'm just on vacation right now.

@alessi - i haven't thought of exercise...usually riding my horse is the best therapy for me. That's what sucks about vacation and I'm out of town. Yeah, people are taking care of her, but could you imagine how upset they would be if I called them each time I started obsessing?

@daydreamer -
Yeah, I used to worry about a brain tumor until I had a freak emergency ride to the hospital (blood sugar crash) and they insisted on a CAT scan because I had headaches (I guess they don't realize headaches come with low blood sugar). Anyway, the CAT scan showed no tumors, so I don't have that reason to worry, Ha!

I find it interesting that your mom started worrying about your worrying...oh dear.
And yes, CBT is supposed to help. But, one can only afford one therapy at a time. That has to wait for me.

@outofplace - do you ever find that people come to you for advice because you can objectively solve their problems? Its like, they can't, so they need you to, but when you have a problem....where are they?

I also had an MRI done for migraines and no tumors were found which made me feel a lot better.......for awhile........now I worry about that again sometimes.

CBT is very expensive and time-consuming.....I put it off until I was finished my undergrad degree (just this year). Now I'm not taking any courses until September when I start taking random uni courses at the undergrad level bcs t I need to get some extra linguistics credits in order to apply to do a masters of speech pathology) and I'm trying to stave off an impending bout of depression now so it seems like the right time to do it for me.

I hope you feel better soon.......whatever you end up trying <virtual hug>

Hey, thanks. I hope things go well for you too. Good luck with your degree!
Things are about to get really busy for me, so I am going to have no time to have a "continuous loop." We'll see how this goes...