Losses

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Is losing a pet or a family member or friend worse for you? If you have lost any, how did you cope with their deaths? Did you attend their wake or funeral service? I don't deal with loss very well even if its not my own. For instance, a co worker's husband has been diagnosed with kidney cancer and he's only 52. He is due for surgery at Johns Hopkins in Baltimore MD over the 4th of July holiday. Plus this same co worker's Bichon Frise is very sick too. The only happy thing she mentioned is that her 19 year old son got his first job ever bagging groceries at a store near by the house. I never met my co worker's dog or her husband, yet I feel sad for her. I lost my grandpa nearly 4 years ago so his death is very hard for me. I also lost my first beloved West Highland White Terrier nearly a year ago. He was my best friend. When I hear about peoples pets dying I get so sad. Another co worker's dad died earlier this year of the same thing that took the life of my grandpa, and I cried over his dad's death. From what my therapist tells me about aspergers, is that people with it can have difficulty understand other peoples feelings or losses. She says that I'm very compassionate about other peoples losses. For instance, a co worker long ago lost his cousin at a young age. The young man was murdered. I immediately got a sympathy card and gave it to my co worker. When my dog passed away, my co workers all got a sympathy card and signed it. It was lovely idea. When my grandpa died, my co workers sent flowers to my grandma's house. I just know when someone just lost someone to at least send a card or flowers. I read on here how people with aspergers don't show any emotions at funerals, don't even cry or show any sadness. It could be that the person is hiding their feelings and do cry over a death but maybe in private. Those ASPCA commercials on TV make me sad I have to change the channel. I did try watching Whale Wars and had to turn to another channel. There is also a Hallmark commercial of a old man reading a book to his grandson and I too have to change the channel. Every time I see an old man that resembles my grandpa I get so sad. Another co worker is going through a difficult situation with his wife. They may be divorcing. He just is so sad because he has young children too. Another co worker had to undergo a biopsy of her neck. She's not sure what it could be. Then another co worker got involved in a car accident, but he's fine, his car isn't. Oh losses just isn't my thing. When I read on here of people losing a pet, or a person, I get so sad.

It would depend how close you are to the dead. I would feel more of a loss if my mother or siblings died compared to my pets. I would feel more loss if my pets died than my extended family or current set of friends.

I don't know much about losing people. Usually losing a person involves betrayal and backstabbing for me.

I lost my pug last year in a house fire, I'm still in mourning. I can't even look at a pug without breaking down and crying. My mother replaced her dead pets, not that she shouldn't. But mine wasn't replaced, not that I want to forget him... Just another thing people assume I should "man up" and "get over".

What a crock...

That's so sad about your pug I'm still sad over Timmy's death too. My parents and I did get another Westie, this time a female named Ruby. She does feel that void, but she will never replace Timmy. Timmy and I just had this bond that I never had with a person. The way he greeted me was wonderful. The bond we had was so great and strong. I can't believe he's gone. I have nights where I just bawl myself to sleep but very quiet tears so that my parents can't hear me. We got Ruby a month after Timmy passed. My aunt shows dogs so she in turn knows people who shows Westies. There was a breeder she knew that just happened to have a litter of puppies May 2011. Timmy started going downhill by June. The breeder kept the one puppy which we got. I do go to dog shows but when I see Westies being shown in the ring I just get so sad and start to cry. Even though I have Ruby that loss of Timmy isn't gone. She's sleeping in his crate. I sometimes have visions of Timmy being so sad when he sees Ruby playing and being happy.

This is the part where my lack of empathy kicks in. I'm older so there's been quite a few deaths around me. I don't take any of them to heart. People died, life goes on. I don't do funerals, either. They produce nothing. I've seen them on TV and film and they look irritating and superfluous.

I have the typical lack of empathy associated with AS because I don't feel sad when other people's loved ones die. I also don't feel happy when good things happen to them. I only get emotional over things that affect me. It makes me feel like a bad person.

As for losses in my own life, my grandmother (mom's mom) and my grandfather (dad's dad) both died about ten years ago. At my grandmother's funeral, I cried a lot and felt guilty about her death even though it was no one's fault. The mourning only lasted for a couple of days and then I was back to normal. With my grandfather, I don't think I cried much, if at all. I just felt out-of-place for a little while. I had only met him once in my life so I didn't know him personally or anything.

I was much more upset when my cats died. One summer when I was between the ages of about 7 - 10, two of my cats died within a week of each other - Snuggles, an orange and white cat, died of pneumonia, while his brother Dandelion, an orange tabby, died of antifreeze poisoning. Those were my first experiences with death.

I only cried openly on the days of their deaths, but I continued to cry in private for many months afterwards. When no one else was around, I would crawl underneath the covers of my bed and cry while singing songs that reminded me of my cats. I didn't tell anyone that I was still mourning Snuggles and Dandy because I was worried that other people would think it was stupid or childish to spend so much time crying over cats.

I think I finally came to terms with Snuggles' and Dandy's deaths after I was digging through a pile of books we had received from my school (leftovers from the book fair, which we got because my mom was an employee at the school) and I found a book called something like "Kitty Heaven", a picture book that showed what heaven was like for cats after they died.

When I finally told my mom many years later about how I mourned Snuggles and Dandy, she said that she wished that I would have come and talked to her about it so that she could have helped me cope, because she said that a child's first loss can be very hard on them.

When the first dog in my family died, I was very sad, but I do not still cry about her death now. I mainly cried on the day she was actually put down and I don't remember crying a huge amount afterwards. It seems I mainly get my crying over and done with on the day, as I know I need to just get on with life.

I guess it's different for some of you other people on here whose pets died in accidents. Reading those stories makes me feel very sad and I'm very sorry for your losses. It was different with our dog because she was very old, not coping well and she had had a happy life.

I have almost always felt empathy for people who have died or are just about to die, when one of my relatives or, in one case, a friend in my life died, I felt very very sad, especially because all of the deaths seemed unfair (with one exception, where she was very, very old). I also feel sad when characters I like die in books, films or other media that I am reading/watching/listening to.

antifreeze poisoning? Dandy licked some from the garage? I still remember 2 years ago when my aunt and uncle's 13 year old Norfolk Terrier had to be put down. I was upset and sad. She wasn't my dog but still it was a huge loss. I have known Emily a long time and would see her whenever I visited relatives. Emily's dad, Max died at 17 last fall. With Emily I had to drive my aunt and uncle to the ER vet. They were visiting my parents and I for dad's birthday. Emily had a heart problem. My aunt and uncle had to make hard decision to put Emily to sleep. To this day I can't go to the ER vet. The memory of that place reminds me of Emily and Timmy. They didn't watch her get put to sleep. My uncle just held her for a while then he used profanity and said let's get the out of here. I never saw a grown man cry like my uncle did. When Timmy was put to sleep, my dad held him and dad nearly had a heart attack. My aunt went with my parents when Timmy had to be put down. Good thing I didn't go. To this day I still cry over Timmy. This is just something I don't get about people with aspergers. How come when someone else is going through a loss over a parent or other loved ones or pet that aspergers people can't find any compassion? To me it's simple. Someone is sad over a loss which in turns makes me feel sad. When my co worker told me that his mom's cat died in his sleep I cried and cried. I never met Bingo but have seen pictures. When I watch any type of war related movies, I get sad. When I hear about another young military life lost on ABC News or other World news I get so sad. I may not be related to that military person, but still it effects me. I think because dad is a survivor of the Persian Gulf War. I just don't like to hear about a young man or young woman losing their life. A young girl at my church died of a terrible disease. She was only 6. That made me so sad for the family. The eulogy that her dad wrote was wonderful. It was posted on a website created in memory of the girl. When I hear about children getting murdered that makes me sad.