Is being an old woman at sixteen that unreasonable?

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At sixteen years old, what I struggle with the most is social gatherings. Nearly everyone I am close with goes out and drinks alcohol and partys it up etc. But I just can't commit myself to these social catastrophes! They always end in fear!:( I loathe the thought of going out and getting drunk- i am so afraid of losing control in a social setting! But then there is the issue of being left out, whilst my friends go out I stay in drinking tea like an old woman, and then i am even worse off in conversation as I have not been present for the events in which people are gossiping about in the days following their parties!!:@ Should I just force myself to endure the torture that is a teenager's social life? Is it something I will just have to get used to?? I hate going out, it makes me physically ill...but I also hate being so isolated from people so different to me. I feel like I'm in a different planet to them!:S It makes the situation even more delicate that i have only told a select few people i have aspergers. I am still coming to terms with it myself. Is there a solution!???! !! !!

I'm afraid you might have to wait around until your friends grow up a little. Once they are a bit older they will (hopefully) want to do more than just go out and get drunk. You might be able to do one to one things like going for coffee, or taking part in activities that you both enjoy.

I'm 10 years older than you and I am a very old lady. I rarely go out, I don't drink, and my main hobby is knitting. I also like quiz shows. I'm sure you get the idea of how sad I am. But I do still have friends. We talk online, meet for coffee, go to museums and art galleries or for walks in the park, or even the cinema. I can cope with those things.

The drinking thing should wear off. In the meantime, perhaps you could look for people who share your interests, although I know that is scary and difficult. I'll admit that I give that advice but don't take it, but you may be braver than I am. If you can manage the odd occasion just so you don't feel left out then you should certainly try it, but not at the expense of making you ill. It won't be like this forever, it certainly gets easier.

I'm sure some younger people will come along and give you better advice

Hi sweetheart!

You sound like my teenage girl self when I was that age. Oh man, it was rough! And everyone old was telling me "This is the best time of your life! enjoy it" and I thought rather the opposite.

I also felt the struggle between wanting to have friends and socialize, but hating the social events. I wanted to stay home and read a book, to be honest. Or hang out with my friends one at a time, or with two people and myself, maximum!

My advice would be to be kind to yourself and listen to your feelings. Be a good friend to those people who are worth your time and energy, and suggest outings and activities that you can enjoy together away from the crowds

If you feel you must attend, find someone you can go with who will stay sober with you and find a quiet corner to people watch. Make sure someone can give you a sober, safe ride home, and make sure your friend won't abandon you (because that could be a potentially dangerous situation). If you can, set a time limit, and then have other plans, so that you can leave the party when you are maxed out and then do something you like, such as watch a dvd or listen to music. That way you made an appearance at the social event but will not be drained by it.

It is ok to say no, I know how hard it is not to drink when everyone is telling you to do it. IF you have to, bring your own drink to a party so you know it doesnt have anything alcoholic added to it.

if the truth is known, I bet you are not the ONLY person at a party who feels uncomfortable and shy. Maybe you can find someone else who understands how you feel and will appreciate not being the only one.

Good luck

I have similar feelings about this. A lot of people in my year/around my age seem to do nothing but drink and party in their free time. Ie been to a grand total of 1 party, which I left early due to feeling extremely ill (from the atmosphere there, I think) and that was even BEFORE they all started getting drunk. Most people don't know I have aspergers, but also don't send me "invites" to their anyone turn up parties because they know I'm not coming.

When you find out that even the people that seem ok, and you talk to a little sometimes from time to time still go out and get drunk every party, it makes you wonder if actually, there is something we're missing.

Then I remember, I'm the only sane one, so they're all crazy going to parties all the time etc. I hope eventually they will decide they would like to do something else one day.

Also I know exactly what you mean by feeling like an old woman. People have been telling me I act too old (and I think they also mean boring) for my age since I was 8.

I'm so grateful you guys replied! It is so strange to me to have people actually understand!!:')

I have to admit I am just as old lady like as you,SilkySifaka, in my activities! I spend my days in my pajamas watching T.V in the comfort of my own home- Happily! I used to knit but i don't think i really have the patience for it! See I do try to make plans with my friends for coffee and nice things like that,things I would enjoy, but in comparison to what they prefer to do, I worry that I am boring them. Plus, all they talk about is what happened when they went out, and I don't have any other topics to contribute so I just have to nodd along feeling left out:(

Usually when I try to talk about things I like, they just think I'm bonkers. They don't really enjoy me rambling off facts about sharks or telling them what my sims did today:L So I don't like to change the conversation when I know they will think I'm weird, they might stop being friends with me altogether!!

That is really good advice glasstoria, I think I will try to find a sober buddy! That might be a bit challenging thow:L I know, you see I want,to want, to go out! But it is just so horrible. I really need to get my friends to do other things with me. I just hope they will be understanding. None of them really know what aspergers is to be honest! They don't understand my routines and they try to spontaneously invite me out. Fortuately they are all really outgoing- this makes conversation easier but then not social events:/

I know iggy64, i feel lately people just don't invite me out. This is causing me to fret as I am starting to think that I am on the wrong planet! lol. They think I am just boring to be honest Yes I look forward to the day when drinking is no longer what society dictates as "cool"!

I never went out or drank as a teen & I never had any desire too & not having friends never bothered me because I never had any desire to fit in. I did drink some thou after I graduated high-school till I turned 21(I became straight-edge when I was 20) I mostly drank in social situations & I never been drunk. I never felt like I fit in when I was in those social occasions. I was still my awkward Aspie self & I was very much an outsider there even thou I had a beer in my hand & was drinking it. I'm 29 now & lots of the people I've met & known who are or used to be into partying; have problems with things in there life as a result of being drunk or doing drugs.

Go to a house party and stay sober while everyone else gets drunk. It's what I've been doing for years and it can be very entertaining . You can say whatever you want to people and they're really easy to make conversation with because they're drunk, but YOU are always in control because you're sober. It's a nice way to practice social interaction-- drunk people don't care whether the conversation is interesting.

I used to absolutely despise going out (aside from going to friends' house parties) but now I've discovered that there are parties without awful music, where people don't constantly grab your ass and where everyone comes together to listen to music they like, not to find someone to hook up with. If you want to try to enjoy going out, go to a party where they play only one type of music (techno, dubstep, hardcore, whatever you like, and avoid stupid club nights with "generic" music where everyone is out to have sex). I cannot guarantee you'll enjoy yourself, but after I found out you can actually go to a club and not be constantly hit on but just be surrounded by people enjoying music, I now quite like clubbing. I go out about once a month.

Lastly, I know what it's like to feel you're "missing out", but trust me-- you're not. You don't have to like going to clubs. You shouldn't have to like getting piss-drunk and making out with a random person and then puking in an alleyway afterwards. You don't have to like anything you don't like, and if your friends cannot accept that, they're bad friends. You're also not boring. People who use so many drugs they forget what they've done the night before are boring.
Lastly-lastly, sitting inside instead of going out is not a bad thing if it makes you happy. I used to feel obligated to have FUN outside the house, but I'm an in-house person. I love my computer, the internet and my books, why should I be ashamed of spending time with those things if they make me happy? Just two years ago when I was sixteen I was desperately waiting for the day I would like all the things my peers liked, but that day never came. Instead, I now know what I don't like and I don't do it-- I love that.

There's a saying for feeling confused & left out around others that goes something like "I feel like I"m at a party where everyone is drinking but me"

I never liked going to parties and getting drunk if I went out it was with family we would go to a nice restaruant and have a nice meal.

Nah, don't talk to any of them. They're dumb. Says the old man at 21.

I have done this many times and never felt "confused and left out".