Obsessed with music but it feels all too cruel

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I just want to be good at it... I'm not bad at music - I'm not a bad guitarist, I'm not a bad songwriter, but I don't know... I lost contact with potential friends of old, everyone seems to think I'm a freak or it feels as though people underestimate me and ignore me (perhaps it's simply because I'm not talking or trying to engage with them though, perhaps they see it from an innocent perspective that I simply am not actually their friend per se), and I don't know how I'm ever going to make progress.
I know nothing of advertising myself online, I don't know how the music profession really works, I have a problem with work rate even though I am trying these days to have that consistency.
It feels like the whole world more or less hates me and wishes I would just go away.

It's cruel that when I get into that state of feeling so upset that someone should just be there for me, seldom times anyone is.

It's all self motivated with me... I've no real life friends right now. I would have trouble enjoying anything if I can't be successful in some way at music... I feel worryingly low - if I can't even be accepted by musicians, what the heck can I be accepted in?

When I was 30 years old I saw I was stuck in nursing. I was a musician at the time, but I felt like I'd reached my end. So I tried to kill myself. You know what would've saved me? - I should've remembered I was a writer and just started writing. I'm not suicidal these days but I still write and do music occasionally. I said all this to say it's good to have more than one special interest. If the guitar playing doesn't work out maybe there's something else you can focus on? Just asking.

You can't hang your happiness on other people, it's something you need to develop inside yourself. You need to keep yourself occupied and distracted to get past your down moods.

- Exercise. It generates mood boosting endorphins.

- Read funny stories and watch funny shows. Humor also generates endorphins.

- Eat healthy, and enough of it. A healthier diet will boost your immune system and is also good for your mind. Skimping on amount of food leads to depression, crankiness, and being more prone to get sick.

- Get enough rest. Being tired leads to depression, crankiness, and being more prone to get sick, too.

- Take courses, either in person, or online. Some of the online ones are free. The in person ones are a good way to meet people.

- Volunteer. There are people worse off than we are, who would really appreciate the help. It's also a good way to meet people, and boost your self image and mood. How about playing your music at senior centers, nursing homes, hospitals, and charities?

- Take up a hobby or join a club. These are good ways to meet people who share your interests.

- Get involved in community activities. Attend town meetings, events at local libraries and other local organizations. Attend local sporting events, fairs, and art shows. Attend and/or participate in local theater groups. Attend events held at local houses of worship. These are all great ways to meet people and boost your self image and mood.

- How about playing your music at these community activities, or local theater groups? Put ads in local papers and on local bulletin boards. Leave biz cards at local businesses that let other locals put up biz cards at their places.

As for other ways of getting your music out in public, there are sites on the web that can help with that. I know of one called Lulu.com, but you can do a search for others. I believe Lulu helps with publishing and advertising books, audio, video, music, and art. Also, go to the library. They have books on how to get yourself published and advertised. The best part is that you don't have to pay for the books, just borrow them. You can even renew the borrow period multiple times until you are done with it, or until someone else has asked the library to let them know when it comes back into circulation, so they can borrow it. Take notes or copy pages of especially helpful info in the books, and if you find any of the books especially helpful, you can buy a copy of your own from a book store or online.

Libraries are a great resource, and are free!

Good luck with your guitar playing and music writing!

From many posts I've written about when I feel negative, there's an intense sense of confusion. I think perhaps if I change my core beliefs/add some too, I might find things a whole lot easier and more balanced.