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My husband is johnny77 he has been dealing with depression and health problems which are both uncommon for him. But today he was in a car accident. He is ok did some damage but nothing he would even go to a doctor for. Broken nose sprained thumbs tore stitches out and burns on his hands. The problem Im having is that the accident after he got home and got cleaned up he went out to the shed, normally he would go out and work out to de-stress. Tonight after an hour and a half I went out to check on him he was in the middle of the floor rocking back and forth crying. The type of crying was the the problem he cries but not more than weeping, he was deep sobbing rocking in the dark. I asked him what wrong, he said Id have killed em. It wasn't till after this that I got the call from my brother who brought him home about what happened. He was sitting at a red light when a woman with a stroller were crossing the baby dropped her bottle and the mother stopped to pic this up which mad her late crossing the street the light had turned green while he was waiting for her to finish crossing. A driver in another car rear ended him pushing his car over them. They end up being ok. When the guy got out of the car he had his phone still in his hand talking to some one and the guy said some dick stopped on a green. My husband grabbed his phone smashing on the ground grabbed his hair and dragged him to the front of the car. Now the Id have killed em makes sense. The baby started crying he let go of him to lift on the car to get them out burning his hand on the radiator support. There guy declined to press charges for assault. My husbands resting now I called his regular doctor explained ever thing that happened. He felt that lack of sleep was the issue so he gave me a script for strong sleeping pills. His vacation is starting a few sooner than scheduled.

But heres my question after the two day of sedation per the doctors recommendations. How do you comfort some one who doent like like to be hugged or held when upset. And boy I would be upset too.

P.s. he will be annoyed with me when he finds I posted this here but that will be at least two days from now.

I have the feeling this is one of those things only time will really take care of. Let him talk it out, if he wants to. I don't know, I'd be such a wreck I have no idea what I'd do in his shoes. Just thinking about this is tough.

Sonds like he was understandably upset and you should just give im some time.

Ask him what you can do to make things better, and follow his requests.

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I'm giving it another shot. We will see.
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It concerns me because he was all ways in control of his mood till he had his first brush with empathy. Ever sense them he has been having a hard time. The first time I have ever been aware of him showing it," and we have been together sense he was 16years old", was about two moths ago. After that he felt empathy for his first girlfriend family which left him depressed. Today I think he was thinking about the child when he went after him. I dont know how to explain to him on how deal with the emotions attached with it.

Sweet Pea hugs

I work with people who see death a lot, and if not death, real "sh!t is all f**ked up" kind of stuff. (Firefighters and EMTS). It's hard to see it, it's really hard to know you could have killed someone.

The best advice I can give you is to be there for him, but give him space.

I've said in other forums I don't want to be aspie anymore. Being a nurse is mostly a job detrimental to aspies because you're asked to be empathetic which I'm generally incapable of. I do see death and suffering a lot and these are relatively easy to take because my mind breaks down the situation logically - there's no emotion attached to it at all. This particular situation just serves to illustrate how we aspies are all different. Some cry, some don't. Some will be deeply disturbed by a violent situation, some won't. I wish you and your husband the best.

Personally I'm kinda' proud he did something that deserved to be done... it was done in rage, but he yanked a moron out of his comfy chair and SHOWED him the results of his actions (of very nearly killing a mom & baby!) He's got to deal with the blind rage that consumed him at the time, but he did the right thing! He didn't seriously hurt the moron and taught him a good lesson... I wish more people did the same!

Kudos to him!

The only advice I can give, though, it to NOT dwell on it! Don't replay the image over and over in his head... reliving that blind rage is to experience it over and over and it subjects the body to the toxins released from that much anger, making him feel extremely ill! Just know he did the right thing and train his mind to think of something else when the brain goes to that traumatic scene.

As others have said already, time might be the only suitable remedy. This sounds REALLY traumatizing (for anyone, let alone someone with AS). Definitely the type of thing I'd play over and over and over and over and over and over in my head, trying to second-guess myself to see if there was something I could've done.

I don't want to speak for your husband, but I personally get very afraid when I REALLY lose my temper. Like I'm out of control... it's very scary. Not sure if this is the case with your husband or not.

I'm sorry for all involved, except for the assh_le who rear-ended your husband, then tried to pass the buck. It sounds like he got what he deserved. I hope he's thinking about the situation 1/100th as much as your husband is (although I doubt it).

Sometimes people do need to be yanked out of their "comfy chair" to see how their actions impact others. I'm sorry your husband was put into the position of having to do the universe's job.

Regards and best wishes. I'll keep you and Johnny in my thoughts.

(And bless your heart for loving and appreciating someone with AS; you obviously see something worthwhile/valuable in at least one of 'em).

He was pushed over them, he couldn't control that. When the a-hole approached him to complain he reacted how I hope anyone with a pulse would. Pity that cell phone records can't be subpoenaed to support a case against the only guy there who should have been charged. Those life-and-death situations are frightening and stressful for anyone. The good thing is that everyone is still alive and Johnny should be instilled with that when the time is right, and had they indeed been mortally injured it would not have been by his hand, that blood would be on Mr. Cell Phone

A little bit of humor to lighten the mood. Hes sleep walking he got him self ready for work and went out to were his car normal sets stumbled around a bit, then walked back to the porch sat down thinking he lit his cigaret with his lighter up side down puffed on it like he was smoking crushed it out then walked to the couch and layed down. His dog was barking as soon as he reached the door trying to wake him up knowing some thing wasnt right. Time to hide the keys and lock down the doors. Im in for a long night. He likes his routines even when he sleeps I guess.

P.S. His dog is at his side and wont budge unless he moves. Got to get off hes heading for the fridge, got to keep him from eating any thing inedible.

I'd say his reaction at the time of the accident was acceptable and normal, no matter what neurological makeup a person has. It would have been more disturbing if he hadn't gotten upset at that moment.

Purely legally/logically speaking, slamming on your brakes or being at a full stop near a red light/crosswalk is ok. Following too close or not paying attention is not. He is not at fault to anything that happened to the people on the crosswalk, nor the collision. His only fault legally(but like others said, it wasn't the wrong action ethically) is the physical assult to the other guy, but he declined to press charges for assault.

So legally, and logically, he is not at fault, and he should be told this, because it is not sure he can see it from his perspective at this time.
He is left to deal with the emotional impact, which can be hard to overcome, but I think he should be reassured time, and time again, that he was not at fault for anything.

Talking about it while crying and getting an outpour of emotions is good therapy. Putting his own words on what happened, and telling the story many times, repeatadly to the same person if necessary, might help flatting the emotions he feels when he thinks about it. When it comes to this type of therapy called "debriefing", the evidence for its effectiveness is questionable, so I would be careful using this method. In some cases it actually makes things worse. The important thing is to not pressure him.

Best of luck to you, and you have my condolences for experiencing something like that.

The officer came by to day and wanted talk to him but he is still under the sedatives effects. Hear is the whole story as given by a bystander relayed to me by the officer. My husband was sitting at he light waiting for the green when the woman with the stroller started to cross at the cross walk after getting half way the bottle feel she stopped to get it in the mean while the light had turned green. My husband sat there waiting for them to cross before he moved. The other man talking on his phone didnt see the pedestrians or the fact the car that he was pulling up to wasnt moving. Immediately after the wreck my husband got out to try to check on the pedestrians When he was getting ready to look under the front of the car the other man grabbed his hand pulling on it to get him to face him. As he was walking up he was cursing and swearing and at him and saying into the phone I cant believe this s o b stomped on the breaks in front of me on a green light. Thats when he was grabbed by my husband.The witness said it took all her control not beat the man her self. I assumed wrong on the hair the man double my husbands size was being lifted by his throat being drug to the front of the car to see what he had done. At the point when my husband started squeezing the baby started crying dropping him my husband grabbed the front of his car lifting it up and tipping it on its side. Buning his hands shoving his fingers thrue the raiator to get a grip. I know people do amazing thing under extreme conditions but a 160 pound man lifting a car alone and laying it on its side ??? The officer was from my husbands home town and he said that my husband as a child had ptsd some kind of stress disorder. I asked him what had happened he said if your husband hasnt said Its not my place. He also said the other man wasnt shaken up about the wreck but is terrified of my husband even after the officer tried to explain that under normal conditions that he would hurt a fly. Now I really understand he would have choked the life out of him if that baby didnt start crying. This is why he was so upset he truly lost control of his emotions for just a moment but some one who controls his emotions with logic it has to be terrifying when you cant justify to you self what you did or would have did using logic.