My sister came over AGAIN unexpectedly today

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.........and she said she’s going to call and she may or may not come again tomorrow....

AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

That's something I've struggled with a lot. People want to just drop in, be spontaneous. I wish I could do it, but I feel overwhelmed and stressed out whenever it happens..
I think it would be healthy to tell the people close to you that they can't do that with you. It might seem weird or impractical to them, but in my opinion, your well-being should come first.

I wish I could tell her not to come but it isn't my house.....I still live at home with my mom. My (younger) sister has moved out of the house but she comes over every couple of weeks or every week or whenever she feels like it with her boyfriend sometimes and they stay the whole day and move the little purple table that I sit at - my sister doesn't like how it makes the house look- and interfere with my routines and make a lot of noise talking to each other and my mom (they - my sister and her boyfriend- are very loud , chatty people). Having them over is like an awkward social occasion because when I come out of my room to eat meals I have to sit with them while their having conversations and either get involved or get left out and afterwards I have this agitated, anxious feeling, which I have right now, due to a kind of social exhaustion (like when you're over-tired and you can't sleep and are agitated) and I never sleep properly the night after she comes over. Her coming over expectantly makes me much more anxious, but she is a very spontaneous person and likes to make these f---ing tentative plans all the time....and now she might come over tomorrow.....hence the (virtual and real life) meltdown.............

and I forget to take my medicine tonight .....an SSRI which has a soporific on me..........so I'm definitely not sleeping tonight.....FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK

Last edited by daydreamer84 on 06 Jul 2012, 11:31 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Just tell people who have a tendency to drop in on you unannounced, that you really can't handle surprise visits, as the disruption they cause in your day causes you a lot of stress, so from now on you won't open the door to unexpected guests. Also, put a note on your door: "I don't open the door for unexpected visitors, so please call ahead."

If they try to pull the guilt trip nonsense on you that you are being rude, just point out to them that it is far ruder to drop in on someone unexpectedly. And stand fast to your rules on this.

I hope she at least knocks/rings... my old in-laws used to just barge in without so much as a knock or accouncement, catching me in my underwear or less.

Well you can ask them and explain how it affects you, but as it isn't your house, and they're visiting other family members that live there that's about all you can do.

Is your sister also on the spectrum?


I used to do the drop in thing when I was younger, because I might be passing or I figured if I actually planned ahead, I'd be too anxious to stick to a time or date; and think as I'd set a time and date to be there, I'd have to act "prepared" ; or that I wouldn't actually feel like socialising at the given time and date. It wasn't really apreciated, but it was my attempt at socialising.

I don't do it much anymore , and now people complain they never see me. Go figure.

No...my sister's not on the spectrum. Both of my parents have AS traits (my dad- who doesn't live with us- is probably on the spectrum) but my sister is oddly socially adroit! She's one of those people who makes a new little circle of friends wherever she goes .....so she has her work friends, college friends, old friends (from elementary school) etc, and she's the kind of person who can pretty much chat with anyone.

Last edited by daydreamer84 on 07 Jul 2012, 12:14 am, edited 1 time in total.

She doesn't knock.......she has a key ..................she used to live in this house up until about a year ago. I don't actually think she's being rude by coming over unexpectedly...........it's just that because of my AS pathology I find it inordinately stressful............

I can't stand it when people drop in without warning. Or if I am expecting them but they are early. I think it is incredibly rude.

.....and she DID come again today.......

Unfortunately most of the manners books I've read actually say it's discourteous to not call upon a friend when you are in the area.