Why is everything a big deal?

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This did not happen very recently, but stuff like this happens to me all the time with the folks I live with. My roommates are my family; the only people I know and trust etc. My father died about 3 years ago, and my mother is the living proof of "the devouring mother". I was never close to my other relatives (been pretty abused by them) and my two sisters A. live far and B. we do not get along. My middle sister is real busy and my big sister called my Best friend a dirty n****r (mind you we are Hispanic) so we do not talk, least to say.

But I have come to the realization that most of my arguments at home have little to do with me doing something horrid, even though it feels that way, regardless of my intellectual grasp on this concept.

Here is an example: We are talking and I do not realize she has not finished her thoughts, even though she had a long pause in her speech. Now I do not listen to her and cut her off. My bad, I apologize, explain I did not realize. I am told I am not stupid and must have done it on purpose.

My other roommate called me a creature, because I "copy" people. I can't explain this in terms of AS because they think its BS. Unless I needed some serious special aid, most people would never belief my difficulties.

I like to draw, its soothing. If i do it a lot, I am "escaping" and treating it like I have issues that I would need to escape and that that is dramatic.

Okay. I draw less.

Posting stuff on deviant art, i should not do that. my work is eye appeasing, but not impressive.

Ok, I stopped doing that regularly.

I write a poem, they think it does not mean what I tell them it means.

Okay, i stop sharing them.

I do homework, cook, clean, feed the dogs, clean the bathroom, take out the trash.

I forget to turn off a light. BAD WRONG!

Okay, I apologize.

I get angry if they re-arrange the furniture (something they do often and I HATE) i am exaggerating.

Ok I swallow my discomfort.

See the pattern here?

And they wonder why I have no peace.

If they've ever seen you have a MD in front of them, you can offer them a choice of drawing to escape or having the mother of all MDs. People are going to disparage others' abilities when they fall short at the same thing.
The furniture issue is a BIG disruption to non-NTs; I know I have to depend on a certain layout in the house, otherwise it's like riding a bike and having a big gust of wind knock you oever.

So they agree that you are fundamentally different than the rest of the family and they believe the source of that is BS? Maybe if it was me I wouldn't be apologizing for things I was doing that weren't illegal, immoral, irrational and not bothering anyone, so much anymore

My theory is that people need something or someone to lash out on. It is beyond human comprehension to people that others could have difficulties or even disabilities without a person being a complete invalid.

Then throw in the fact that 1 in 6 have a mental illness/disorder and I think almost anyone i've run into has had some sort of problem.

With my mom, I could do all the chores, keep the house looking decent and then get chewed out for forgetting to check the mail after a 12 hour workshift standing all day (when she could've checked it, she just refused to go outside to the mailbox).

Yeah the layout of the house is very important to me and they are always changing it to make the area looks spacious, which gives me a sense of agoraphobia anyways. What is worse I used to have a PDD NOS diagnosis but when I moved states the next doctor I saw changed it and my best friend said she felt lied to and cheated by me because of this. So autism def does not get mentioned here, for my sake. Further more yesterday I was drawing (one of my big hobbies) and she picked up my charcoal tin, it made me mad she touched my supplies at that moment because I was involved in the activity. I don't think I have to explain why this is irritating. I yelled NO don't touch it! She said next time she would throw it at my face and out the door, to give me a reason to scream like a ret*d.

Mind you it is not always horrible, but its the little things, you know?

And yes they have seen me have meltdowns, but they don't buy them. For example they acknowledge i have sensory issues. once at the store one of them was dragging camping equipment with wheels, the sound drove me to a fit of crying. To this day they avoid dragging stuff like that, but say that my reactions where voluntary and avoidable.

I would have to interpret the act of her picking up the charcoal tin as her having incredibly poor self control or derived from malice. What business does she have with them? Maybe she was trying to get your attention in an ill-advised way. From my own experience NTs love to exploit our inability to process interactions in real-time once they realize they have the unfair advantage. If you were somehow able to overcome the agoraphobia it would serve to lessen your constant contact with people who just don't get it

Its not like living with them is always some sort of horrible ordeal. I know that personally I am not the most idyllic human to get along with. I just wish I could . . . you know talk to them about how I feel about certain things without them claiming I am being dramatic. It can be frustrating. I can’t even use this site when they are around, because of how they react.

Just a thought, if your room mate is always putting you down, why do you still live with them?

Well, there are good moments or I would not be here, plus, where else is there for me to go? My father died, I got no close relatives without an abusive streak, I got no job, no cash, my mother would really really mess me up . . .

Our relationship as friends and roommates is very . . . complex. Just as they got their bad sides, I got them too and they got good sides too. But most of our problems stem from miscommunication and the lack of understanding of my neurodiversity . . . sometimes I just cant handle things well. Things do accrue, unfortunately.