There is no true escape

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I play video games a lot, read lots of books, am addicted to the internet, watch anime and television a lot, listen to a lot of music, and I think it is mainly an escape for me, but at the same time it has the complete opposite effect I need it to. My life is asocial and weird, no one really pays attention to me, and I accept the fact that I am not very good looking. But anime, and television, and video-games keep making me believe that no one will ever want to be with me because I am not a short, 110 lb, borderline underweight, extremely happy and submissive, socially stereotypical female. And even on shows where the person who is weird gets the guy/girl, he/she happens to be very attractive, but was hiding it under hair, or a certain personality.

The Hunchback of Notre Dame had talent, but never got the girl due to his looks. Beast got the girl, but then he turned into some mediocre prince. The girl who thought she was not pretty enough on Howls Moving Castle was fairly good looking. Hermione Granger is a bookworm, and is not portrayed as gorgeous, but she also gets a guy, and in the movie she is fairly good looking as well. While being social or getting attention does not interest me, I would like it if I was not told that I have to be a certain way or else I am ugly. There really is no true escape for me. Media and real life tries to force all this stereotypical stuff that you HAVE to follow, or else you are a "black sheep," but than I escape to video-games and anime and they have all this stereotypical stuff that you should follow or else you are ugly, weird, etc.

Is there ever really an escape? Or do your issues follow you everywhere? I cannot read, play, or watch much of anything without my issues and insecurities being shoved in my face. And I know everyone says "it gets better," but I don't understand how. None of my issues are ever going to just, go away. I may become more accepting of them, but that's about it. I mean, you can face your issues, but I don't thinking facing them makes sense. I mean, all you can do is try to accept yourself as you are, but I don't think that makes anything easier, or better.

Anyways, I am done with my spew of thoughts. -__-

It sucks that there's so much pressure to conform, but at the same time I think things change when someone exerts confidence for being different from the crowd, and that's both respectable and attractive in it's own right. The thing about media though, it's always portrayed in the glass-half-full type of way, where all hopes and dreams can come true and there's a happy ending. How many video games or movies can you think of where there isn't a positive ending of some sort?

Since this is all fiction, I wouldn't look at this stuff as the norm at all. Something to hope or dream for perhaps, but not reflective of how life usually is for people. I guess for me personally, even in my unhappiest days, video games and such were an escape from reality where I could enter a alternate, more positive world and get away from the real one.

Why doesn't facing your issues make sense? What would be your definition of facing your issues, maybe give a few examples?

If I were you, I would focus on one thing at a time. Assuming you're well groomed, I wouldn't worry about your looks. No one's really telling you to do or be anything, you're just listening. I'm not sure how I got to this point myself, but it's more healthy to just embrace being different and focus on the things you can change.

The media isn't an accurate reflection of reality. It's a reflection of ideals. I've seen plenty of less than attractive people that are (or seem) happy. Why? They don't focus on their looks and do other more fulfilling things.

And if the media you're watching/reading is shoving unwanted messages in your face, take a break. Maybe focus on a non-media related hobby, so you can get away from media messages and feel better about yourself?

In short, you can escape if you choose to.

It is easier for a woman to get a guy than the other way around. Sorry to be VERY crass here, but guys want the hole between your legs and are willing to compromise to get at it (at least that is what one girl I knew told me about guys. I'm a guy, BTW.) Dress cleanly and don't look like a mess and you can get someone. Now, this doesn't mean you can easily get quality, that takes more effort. However, I have known several less than attractive females and they do not have much trouble getting a date if they want it.

As for Hollywood, they present the fairy tale that we all wish we could live but almost none of us ever will. The reality is that most Americans are obese and not porn star material. However, most also do not have aspie social issues and thus they can usually get with someone. Fortunately for you, you are a girl and girls have it easier than guys since girls usually do not need to initiate, just respond. As long as you can act friendly enough when spoken to, it should be fairly easy to get someone interested. So, dress somewhat nicely and put yourself somewhere with people and see what happens. Probably the best place would be an anime or comic book convention as there are a lot of lonely guys at those places and females are exceedingly rare. Thus, you stack the odds in your favor and may just find someone with a similar set of interests. Trust me. It's easier for you than it is for me as single women rarely ever frequent the junkyards, swap meets and drag strips I go to for my special interest.

If this posting was too insulting or crass, please delete it or tell me off. I may have been too blunt.

OP, you sound much like me, except I'm male, have a gut instead of borderline skinny, and replace anime with sci-fi shows like Star Trek or Quantum Leap.

Yes, the issues are YOU, you will probably never escape them.

The goal is to find a way to reconcile them with life and learn to make it work somehow. I'm still working on that one.

That's absolutely correct, nothing crass about it. Simple, logical truth. You're right.

I think the reason why it gets easier as you get older is that, some of the things that seemed important become less so. Hormones are reduced and the rutting desire tapers off in middle age. With age, sometimes comes the understanding that you will not achieve the high ideals of your youth and that there are lesser ideals that might still be worth achieving. With age, you realize that lowering your standards is a viable path to happiness.

Actually accepting yourself as you are IS what makes things easier. Instead of continuing to believe I should have become a world famous film maker and hating myself because I never attained that goal, I accept that I can still make small, entertaining films that appeal to my particular sensibilities. I can also do other things like build furniture or take photographs. Sure maybe few people will see or care about anything I do, but the work gives me satisfaction and really that's all I want out of life... to do something that makes me feel like I haven't wasted my time.

You mention that you feel you are "not very good looking." Maybe this is true. Maybe not. To be honest, it's kind of irrelevant to the issue you are worrying about. You may feel you lack a certain level of attractiveness to adequately attract someone. Maybe you are not the kind of person that people immediately are drawn to. That doesn't mean you cannot attract someone.

I have always felt that I was quite unattractive. I have always been a bit over weight. Without the goatee I have worn since my twenties, I used to be mistaken for a particularly unappealing celebrity. I am often awkward and bumbling in how I interact with people. Even when I dress up, clothes still fit me badly and make me look heavier than I really am.

Throughout my twenties and thirties, I felt that every woman I was attracted to was repulsed by me. Ironically as I hit my mid-forties and I now have less of an interest in intimate relationships, I have also found evidence that a number of women from my past were considerablly more interested in me than I realized.

It was like not being able to see the forest for the trees. I regarded any expression of interest from a woman as some veiled attempt to set me up for a humiliating joke. I tended to react badly to even expressions of affection because I distrusted the motives. As I have grown older and I am not so self conscious about my own appearance, I have relaxed a bit and now can look at some of the events of my life with less of the knee-jerk self criticism that I used to indulge in. There were times that I can look back on and, if I were not the person involved, I would say that the girl was interested.

I can also look back on some of the crushes I have had. Although physical beauty played a part, it was never the most important aspect as to why I found a particular woman appealing. There were a few woman that I still regret not dating that would never be held up as a figure of conventional beauty.

This reminds me of Shakespeare's Sonnet (130)

It's a hilarious yet very touching view of love. Shakespeare points out how his misteress' features are nothing to praise and yet he loves her more than anyone with more conventionally beautiful features. I think this is probably one of the most honest and real expressions of how people REALLY love as opposed to the Hollywood representations.

Is there an escape? So long as you believe you are trapped, no, I don't think so. If you believe that the media that keeps telling you that you have to be thin, pretty and happy is correct, then you are trapped with no escape. But if you are able to set asside the assumption that you are supposed to be one way or another and simply come to accept yourself without all the baggage then all the messages from all the media you enjoy will have far less affect on you. If you can look at who you are and what you honestly want out of life and you can focus on that without regard for what society tells you you must be, then there isn't even a cage to trap you.

I won't say that my life is perfect or that I no longer have issues that follow me (and may do so for the rest of my life). Also I don't know that it is possible to come to these realizations without reaching middle age. I live a philosophically far more tranquil life than I did even 5 years ago and I suspect a lot of this change in perspective comes from just getting older.

But I think you can help yourself by trying to be as honest with yourself as you can. And by that, I don't mean being self-critical. I used to believe that criticizing myself was being honest. It was no more honest than telling myself I was superior to others. To be honest with yourself, you must accept that you have both flaws and virtues and to not give either one more importance than it deserves. This kind of honesty takes work, but the results are worth it.

Question what society tells you is supposed to be important. Identify what is REALLY important to you. Try to see things in perspective. Things may seem important because various media repeat them loudly. But are they really as important to you as the media claim? It's your life. Live it your way, not the way society tells you to.

There are guys for all kinds of body types. That's one thing that drives me crazy. I see guys who like skinny girls, and guys who love Big Beautiful Women, and guys who say "The more the merrier."

I often hear girls say that guys force this image you describe, but I don't think so. I have met very few guys who only look to this idealized image, and usually those are guys who put a ton of work into their own image.

I know there are a lot of guys who like the things you like so I think there is hope.

What do you look like? Daily bathing, shave, you don't have to do a ton of makeup and stuff, maybe get some clothes that highlight your body (you can get tasteful clothes that are still very sexy)