.... i just dont know if anyone can help

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Hello Wrong Planet

ahhh i dont even know where to start there is so much in my head so much going on around me that it is just overwelming and I am sorry for my grammer but when I am stressed I can't think about s**t like that but i geuss i have to start at the biggining but first i want to say if anyone had ANY questions what so ever if you want to say anything say it if you think im trash tell me i just need true human input please.....

Well hello you can call me Temlei i am a 21 almost 22 year old male and i live in Victioria australia and to be blunt my life is the most complex insane routeen i have ever known and i do nothing but study people and things. I have not been fully dignosed with Aspergers as it costs close to $1000 and in truth i dont know where to go but my doctor has given me a certifict stating %100 that i have aspergers and i know %100 i have it i have never been mors shore of anything in my life. As a kid i had everything any normal kid could want but i was way to overactive and angry so i got told i had ADHD and thgrough out my whole school life that is what i got treated for and it would of been very effective if i had ADHD but it just destroyed every positive thought in my mind with aspoergers ive always grown up thinking you can change you can change but now i know i cant.... when i was younger i got very close to a girl though i was very wired some people loved me and always wanted to be around me it has been that way all my life so as i got to know this girl the most amazing thing happened i discovered the world of emotion now at this time i had no idea what Aspergers was let alone that i had it so i thought it was all normal so i kept going through it all through the love through the pain through her getting pregnant and through her duying in a car carsh... i just kept on going i always have but after i lost her i have found no joy no nothing it destroyed another relashonship i had and has f****d all of my friendships.... the fact is i am wired even for an aspie i look up information about Aspergers and i see things like cant show emotion cant function in a social enviroment likes to be alone can only study one or more things is orgonised and no the empathy and no emotion... I AM SO WORNG!! ! i feel everything %200 more than everyone else i may not be able to see what people are feeling straight away but if i love them and i work out they are in any pain i am instanlly in the same pain i am so disorgonised and messy and when i am in social situations i have the inability to calm down and not be happy even when i want to cry and scream i just smaile. i have 2 friends girls and i %100 love them i would die tommrrow if i knew it would simply make them smile every morning but i know they dont feel that way how can anyone it cant be normal i know they love me and not even they can understand why but its just not the same... my main bestfriend dose not even believe me that i have aspergers she says everything i say is a lie and makes no sence so why should she believe that but she still comes over to just chill she still comes to see me over her boyfriend she still says i love you.. and then there is the next big problem THE DRUGS ow my god thats all my life has ever been about since the day i got out of school there is no way out all my friends are stuck with me and the sad thing is i dont want to stop the thought of having no escape is so scary i almost go in to a panic attack thinking about it. I am clean now after another round of loosing my mind over what i thought was drugs but was just aspergers its always just been that why did i not find out sooner life would of been so much better. I dont even know where i am going with this i just need to talk and the fact is i have skipped over so much yet i feel like i have said way to much.

Is this normal to feel so much so strong?
Will the pain ever stop?
Dose anyone even give a f**k?
Why dont drugs stop the pain anymore?
Why can no one see how lonely i am?
is there any hope?
CAN ANYONE UNDERSTAND ME!! !! !! !!

its all i wanna know nsober life hurts to much and i know enless i find answers there is no other way i have to go back i dont want to end it all but if i cant get out if i cant escape or find a reason for all of this i will just shut down please anyone....

Hi Temlei

Is this normal to feel so much so strong?
Yes.

Will the pain ever stop?
It can stop, but that's up to you and it can be a long road.

Dose anyone even give a f**k?
Yes. Don't assume just because you can't see what someone feels that they don't feel anything.

Why dont drugs stop the pain anymore?
They never stopped the pain. They just hid it for a while so it built up and came back stronger.

Why can no one see how lonely i am?
No one can get inside your (or my) head.

is there any hope?
Yes, as long as you're alive.

CAN ANYONE UNDERSTAND ME!! !! !! !!
No one can understand another person 100%. It's harder for Aspies because we don't communicate so well.

Try and stay clean for a bit longer. With help from others it will get easier but you will have to learn to deal with who you are and accept yourself. If you stay clean, one day you'll feel good and it won't be the drugs. Whether you've got the patience to wait and work on it is up to you but there are people who will listen and try to help you.

I agree with you fully I need the people around me and they are there for me but not in the right ways there is not 1 person in my life that will discuss my aspergers they all avoid it or get mad socially I am crowded emotionally I am alone and it makes me very happy to know the emotion overload is normal I.trully thought I was the only one now I just need to find a girl on the same emotional wave but I know I'm very lucky to have 2 friends keeping me clean and it is the only thing keeping me clean

There are loads of people here who can discuss your Aspergers, so you're not so isolated as you feel.

Sometimes you will feel like everything is wrong. Sometimes you will feel like you are all wrong. You know those feelings will pass but when you feel sh*t it's hard to believe you won't always feel that way. You will always have good times and bad times. That is what being a human is about. Don't let the bad times win.

STAY CLEAN. Relapses can ruin your life and your relationships. They hurt the people who love you the most, and people do love you and care. I'm sure your two friends care, and I care too. If you need to talk about these things, pm me. No person can understand you 100%, but some people will try to and may be able to understand you up to 80-85% if they get to know you well enough. There is definitely hope for you, and some people can see and understand your pain, because many others have suffered the pain of loneliness, loss, and addiction and understand what you are going through, and many have gotten their pain to stop, and though it is difficult, you can too. You will be in my thoughts and prayers. Please don't give up on yourself. You can get through this.

Sweet Pea hugs