Big Panic

Post Reply New Topic

I am in a big panic. I don't know if I want advice, or just to vent. Any input is welcome really.

On Tuesday, my boyfriend's sister is getting married and I feel very anxious about it. I just don't do well with events like that, I hate them. I usually try and avoid all social events, but of course there is no way of getting out of this one. I have considered harming myself, but I have managed not to do that for years now and my family would be so upset and disappointed, and my boyfriend's family would probably not understand. I just want to run away or for it not to happen. I can't really think very clearly, and I haven't eaten very much in the last few days. My stimming is bad and I've chewed my fingers (that's not a typo, I actually gnaw at my fingers, not my fingernails) and I just generally feel awful. I don't have any medication I can take. My boyfriend can't understand and is running out of patience a little bit, because I can't even explain properly what worries me so much, it's just the whole thing: the people, the food, the dressing up, the conversations with people I don't know, the dancing, the loud music. It's my ultimate nightmare.

I'm worried that on the day itself I will panic and embarrass my boyfriend, and generally humiliate myself.

Dress the part, don't go early, pay your respects, use the bathroom often for alone time, and vanish without making a scene. There will be so many there, your briefness with not dampen the occasion.

Sensible advice... taking the big crowd in SMALL DOSES will be easier to tolerate... you're also dwelling on the fear and negatives too much, reinforcing the fear and making you mentally & physically ill! When you find your thoughts spinning out of control like that, you need to tell yourself "STOP! This isn't helping!" and force yourself to think about something else. Not so much "happy place" but just something neutral and break the pattern of fussing over and over without actually coming up with any solutions.

This is something that needs to be done... I wish you the best for doing as much as you can. (I suggest trying to get a seat at the church/ceremony on the outside edge... you'll feel less crowded and have easy access to leave if you need to.)

This is one of those times I'm glad our family's not that close. Four of my siblings had weddings I'd never been to, and I've only actually met one in-law. I was therefore spared the horror. I'd take the other posters' advice to take the event in small doses. I do believe, however, that your boyfriend could be insuoted to the point he'd want to walk out of your relationship. Is there any way for him to understand or get that you're aspie and social situations are anathema to you?

Expose yourself to as little as possible.

A wedding is rehearsed, so the actions that people take are also rehearsed. You can write down a list of responses before hand and have that as your guide on what to say during conversation.

If there's a bathroom or a place to stay away during the reception, go to it for looong periods of time, fake diarrahea or a stomach ache or whatever else.

.. Best thing tho--is to tell your boyfriend that you are glad his sister is getting married but you will be beyond miserable going to such an event and it is not something you can handle unless he wants you to risk having a breakdown during the services.

Thank you for all your replies, sorry for the lateness of mine.

I ended up having a big meltdown the day before but thankfully I was fine at the wedding. As usual, it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be, and we left early because the music was too loud for me so I didn't get too worn out. I did spend quite a lot of time either hiding in the bathroom or in the gardens and nobody noticed.