I'm new to this forum and I wanted to discuss quite a few different things but I'd like to start with whats going on in my life right now. A year and a half ago I joined the army, obviously for an aspie this is not exactly a very wise decision. It leads to the majority of the problems I am having today.
Your probably wondering why an aspie joined the army? Actually I did it because I was running away from something, or someone. my childhood, although I'd rather not discuss it right now was very unhappy. I loathed my father for a lot of things he did back then... He never physically hurt me but the emotional abuse was unbearable. I thought that I'd kill two birds with one stone by joining the army, I'd get away from him and meet some people that I would become good friends with. I figured if people are going to have to trust each other with their lives then they would become friends regardless of social inadequacies.
Shortly after I left my parents broke up, they are finally getting divorced sometime within the next few months. I'll spare you the details but the short story... I have 12 brothers and sisters, all of which need an older male figure very badly. I'll admit my social skills are horrible, but I'm not that bad with kids as I have so many younger brothers and sisters.
My family needs me, I've been on my way out of the army for phsych reasons for months now. But even though its supposed to be fast my command is very slow. It could be a very long time. My phsychologist assures me this won't make finding a job outside of the army any harder as the chapter I'm getting is a rather good one. But its still so far away...
I don't have much for friends here. The ideas I had about the army were wrong. Actually, I'm told they were write I just ended up in a really backwards part of it. My only friends consist of the few people who can sort of "identify" with me. In this case that would be two bipolar people I work with and another guy thats getting out of the army who has a very bad case of PTSD. The PTSD guy, we'll call him "Rob" is actually who I identify with most. I'll say this about my unit, were out-dated. Our job has been replaced by newer technological innovations. Were just about useless, we really shouldn't exist. We've somehow seeped through the cracks.
Anyways, so I'll stop with the back story. Fast forward to yesterday morning. I had, had it. I was done. I was not having a very good day. Everytime I call my mom all I get is a bunch of extremely sad stories and "I hope you come back soon...". Along with a lot of other things I was set off. Mainly a Sergeant of mine who insists that there is nothing wrong with me. That is, for the most part I'm extremely well behaved. However I do things socially that amuse many of them. Sometimes on purpose but most of the time out of sheer lack of understanding of whats going on. If ever I want help, to talk to a phsychologist on a day I don't have an appointment, or get any kind of medical help on a day that something is going on he insists that I only do it to get out of work.
Like I said, I was done. I went to the newest NCO in my company, and I did something I rarely do. I showed my emotions, I went to him, and then I said I needed to talk to someone. I cried for awhile while explaining what exactly was going on as best I could, I was done and I had no intention of going anywhere besides to see some kind of phsychologist. Realizing that I wasn't getting anywhere I may have said somethings about being "unsafe". Not that I meant any of them as I'm not a violent person but thats what it took, next thing I know they are trying to have me admitted (they go from doing nothing at all to trying to get me admitted, I get the feeling they just want to get me off their hands). Fortunately my phsychologist happened to be working that day and she said she wanted to see me when she heard I was in the ER.
My phsychologist, we'll call her Gale. I told her the truth about how I was feeling which was very different from what I'd told everyone else up to this point (the ends justify the means, I just wanted to talk to someone that I felt I could trust, and thats the only way it was going to happen). She talked to me for awhile and recommended that I go to some sort of classes (it was some long acronym that I cannot remember). The point is she kept me from actually being admitted, which well... It was nice. I could really have gone either way.
I feel like so much is going on and I don't really know how to deal with it. I feel like I've made a few bad decisions in the process of getting where I am. I probably shouldn't have joined the army, it fixed several problems I used to have, but added others. I no longer exhibit a few symptoms of aspergers, but to anyone who meets me it is still very obvious that I am different from everyone else. So what was the point to this whole story? I'm not really sure, just wanted to talk a little about it.
29 Nov 2006, 1:46 am
