Anxious before going to social group

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Joe90
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20 Aug 2012, 10:56 am

I've been going to a social group, about 3 or 4 times now, and it's aimed for people who have social difficulties like social anxiety, extreme shyness, depression, and other psychological conditions like that, and there could be some Aspies there, but I can't tell. They are quite a nice group of people, and they won't judge eachother for who they are, and there are even a couple of men there who have learning difficulties (you can tell by the way they talk that they have developmental issues). I know it's early days still, but I haven't had one conversation with anyone here, I've just sat there and got absorbed into the activity (which is arts and crafts), and kind of relaxed by listening to conversations around me. I must admit, there are a couple of other people there who don't really say 2 words, but I just feel rather awkward because I am so awkwardly shy and just don't know what to say to anyone. I've been told that no-one will judge me there, but that's not the point, it's just how I feel myself.

But each time I go, I suddenly feel all anxious, as though I can't really be bothered to go, but at the same time I know that I have to keep this up, and the person who signed me up is only trying to help, which is what I want, so at the same time I am willing to go along with it. But also I suddenly get all Agoraphobic too before I go, so I have to get on a bus to get there, even though it's only half a mile up the road. I don't know why, I just can't face passing people, having the obligation to make eye contact, and crossing busy roads. But I feel more confident with walking after I've been to the social group at this arts and crafts place, so I can manage to walk back.

Has anyone else been in a situation like this, where you feel anxious about going to any social groups, and struggling to engage in conversation or just presenting yourself?


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redrobin62
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20 Aug 2012, 11:39 am

I belong to a social group but never made it to any meetings. Not one. Too nervous.



PastFixations
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20 Aug 2012, 3:16 pm

Actually that's not hard to relate to at all.
I used to go to a club for people who have difficulties... I went a few times then stopped because I thought I didn't really... I guess the only way I could put it is that I went through mainstream and feel like too different to them...
It's kinda strange, like on the one hand I can't really mesh with the NTs because they can use... peer pressure and with group, I feel like the NT... it's proper wierd.


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20 Aug 2012, 5:45 pm

Sure.

It's worse for me if I have some sort of expectation, like "shoot, I hope these folks don't realize I'm an illiterate Japanese speaker" or "shoot, I hope I don't look too weird among this group of Irish speakers who actually have any tie to the history and culture."

It's easier for me not to have an expectation, not even "eh, maybe I'll try speaking Japanese to this lot here tonight," and just leave it as, "Well, it goes for about an hour or two. I'll sit back and try to listen in discreetly on conversations, or maybe I'll chat to someone and maybe I won't. I won't be here for me at the expense of others, but I'm definitely here for me."



Joe90
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21 Aug 2012, 12:29 pm

It's like, I want more friends, but at the same time I find socialising very awkward, and once people get used to the idea that I'm shy, I find it hard to come out of my shell.


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