Never had protection/comfort from what hurt most

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The story is too long, so I'll post bullet points (I hope that is okay) and you could ask questions.. Maybe they'll seem like normal aspects of daily life, but I ask myself, how can they be normal if they hurt?

• Long-term domestic violence situation that I left (thanks to my sister) without law enforcement or court help within the past month where I tried to fight back, but never succeeded even though I never gave up. It feels like people treat me like I'm not so innocent, yet the pain from this started before I even started middle school.
• I'm an adult male and the ASD resources are for children. Can't get DV help, HPV vaccine, etc. because I'm too old and the services are extremely targeted towards women.
• I was diagnosed with Asperger's, Tourette's, OCD, and ADD, not to mention after that I lived through more emotional/social hell that Risperdal caused me especially since my mother forced me on it. Unfortunately, it was nearly 10 years later when I had my own psychiatrist who called HER crazy.
• The fact that I'm better at writing down things than being verbal and so every time I tried to speak up about the pain, people always minimize it.
• I can't get a girlfriend so I worry about sex too much even though I'm a virgin.
• I've had constant thoughts of suicide and at other times, I want to give up on all my dreams and get a simple job where I can just go to work, do it, and come home and not be around anyone so I don't get hurt.
• I feel half innocent/naive because it feels like I've never grown up much as an "NT" seems to by age 24, yet I survived the pain and have a Bachelor's degree in a field that people consider too complex (which really isn't that complex) so everyone thinks I have everything made, ready to go, etc.. when I have no clue how to start, have no good experience in the field, and I've never had a mentor if I was supposed to even have or deserve one..

I wish I could be happy and have people here who love me and support me and I could actually believe it and not be afraid if it did happen. I don't know how to make friends.. In fact, I have no friends to hang out with and the last person who did want to come over to where I lived did it 7-8 years ago, but it was only because they wanted to play my video games. I wish people would do more than listen or ask how to help. I wish they already knew how to help, could console me, be there for me, and show me how to do things (that I have no clue how or what) until I'm brave and confident enough) and so I make this post hoping somebody can help me in the right, effective way, while not expecting they can and having expectations of getting criticized for asking for too much, speaking my mind, how I don't deserve something, etc. because I don't know what is supposed to happen. I feel so lost.. and it's easier to give up following a path I'm trying to create myself.. and I often think that's what's meant to happen after all.. and it all hurts.

First off, I like bullet points; it seems to make everything more crisp and easier to follow.
Second;
I haven't been hurt physically by family other than twisting my arms or smacking me a little, so I can't imagine how terrible it must have felt for you. Its a betrayal of the worst kind to have those who are meant to protect you either turn on you or simply turn away. I some ways, I imagine that all the hurtful words hurled at you hurt even worse, because they stay and haunt you forever.
I'm glad that you at least had your sister to help you out of the situation. I never knew that services and resources were targeted towards females; I was the last one in my family to be diagnosed, while my three younger brothers were diagnosed before me. They are still children though, so its definately easier to get help for them.
Risperdal is horrible. I was stuck on it too, for a while. I was also I several other medications before and I went insane. I actually had a breakdown because of the medication, not in spite of it. And good for that psychiatrist, telling your mother the truth to her face like that. If only others would be willing to look beyond the claims of the parent, and at the child instead.
I am better at writting my feelings down as well. I see nothing wrong with that. It must hurt to have your pain disregarded for lack of words... Perhaps, you should write down your feelings, your story, and give it to the people who you are trying to communicate with. The written word often haas more impact, and you could definately be able to show your feelings better that way. I have done it before, and it worked.
As for lack of sexual experience, I think that having someone who will undestand you, accept you and love you would be more meaningful than just physical affection. You should'nt think that not having a girlfried makes you less. It just means the right one has yet to come along.
Don't give into the depression. Suicide is not that way to go. You have your whole life ahead of you and no reason for it to end. The loss of you would only leave the world worse off. You do write well, and you have survived this long; to me, that seems to indicate you have a purpose, though what it might be I have no notion.
I don't know what your dreams are, but you should'nt give up on them. You can work and still have dreams, still pursue them. Just make sure that your job is at least somewhat fulfilling.
And seems as though you have innocence and a jaded weariness warring with each other at the same time. Thats not so uncommon. You may be immature in some areas, but in others you might surpass your peers. However it may be, you are simply yourself, and you will grow and flourish at your own pace.
I'm not what advice I can give regarding how you can find guidance, but you do deserve it. You have a Bachelors and you write very well, so you definately are not lacking in intelligence. You also must have a poserful drive to have gotten this far, so you have the capacity to go further. You DO deserve some guidance, and perhaps you could find some here. You'll have to find someone older, more intelligent and all around better than I am, though.
I hope you find someone to relieve your lonliness. Perhaps your sister is available? And someone who comes around in order to take advantage of your possesions does not deserve you.
I know I am unable to offer any good advice, but I hope you will accept my thoughts and what little comfort I am able to offer. I hope the pain will ease soon.

Do you have a therapist who can possibly give you some antidepressants? I know I suggest those a lot, but they really work for me. Also a professional to talk to this about who can help you figure out what you want and how to get it would be a good idea. A regular LBSW type counselor could help with that.

I don't think they give HPV vaccine to men. From what I've read, it's extremely rare for men to get any sort of complication from HPV other than warts, which can be removed. Condoms prevent HPV as well, I believe. Also, that vaccine is pretty new and they don't know what the repercussions of it 20 years down the road are. I'd stay away from it.

If you feel like the domestic violence aftermath is causing you problems, you might want to call a battered womens shelter. I know that most of the services are for women, but they are also familiar with battered men and can direct you to people who can help or resources that you might need.

If the DV situation is from living with your parents or family, then possibly someone with adult protective services could help you find the resources you need. They could probably do this even without you officially reporting the situation or getting involved.

I actually just saw <this link> on another forum and thought I'd come back and post it here for you. They offer nightly live support chats for survivors of child abuse and domestic violence. Sort of like counseling and life coaching combined. The site has a lot of resources, so you might want to check it out.

Good luck!

That link is a YouTube video...

Oh crap! I'll go find that site on the other forum and post it then. I had posted a video before, so I guess I didn't click it right to copy and paste.

I'll be waiting. Thank you.

So now the person drives hundreds of miles to harass me, tries to forcibly enter, and the cops got involved and all they could say is don't come back on this property again. My sister called a DV crisis center for me, but she couldn't get in touch with them because they keep putting her on hold which seems like the only place that shouldn't continually put people on hold. I'm waiting for the next thing again after I felt more peaceful from not seeing for weeks the person who hurt me.

<Link>

Here ya go.