A Complex Friendship Situation and Asperger's don't Mix

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I have a little situation I don't know how to deal with at all, and it's really stressing me out, so I was wondering if anybody here could help?

Okay, so there's this really annoying girl who always hangs out with me and my friends, and she's constantly getting on our nerves. We've tried tolerating her, hinting that we don't like her, explaining to her what she's doing that's annoying and listening to her side of the story, but none of these things has worked, so we decided to straight out tell her that we didn't like her. However, she's hung out with us for a long time so she knows some stuff about one of my friend that she wants kept VERY private, and she's threatened to send a letter to her dad telling her all about it. I don't know what to do, 'cause my friend's dad CAN'T find out about this stuff (I know the sort of man he is - he won't take it well/ (And my friend doesn't deserve the punishments he'll give her, she regrets what she's done immensely), but if I just pretend to be her friend to stop her sending the letter it'll be even worse in the long run.

I know it's a really complicated situation, but if anyone has any ideas of what to do it'd be GREATLY appreciated.

Last edited by Leech on 07 Sep 2012, 12:08 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Collecting your secrets, you say? Nice, I'll have to keep that in mind for the next time I get unceremoniously ejected from a social circle.

Forgive my blunt response, but you and your friends painted yourself into a corner with this one. You should probably just clear the air as soon as possible, because you've already admitted you won't be able to tolerate this person for long and will just kick her out again. Also this girl could very well be bluffing and won't do what she says she will, I know I've tried that before, albeit with little success.

Now before anyone calls me out for being a jerk here, have you even considered what this girl is gonna be going through when you all kick her to the curb? I've been through it before, it's not exactly a pleasant experience. It's also not something that gets easier the more you go through it. I understand you guys are in a tough position, but really if you're gonna be dealing in sensitive information that is hidden from authority figures, perhaps you should be more careful with who you share your secrets with in the future.

Anyway, you're in a catch-22. Damned if you do, damned if you don't. Like I said earlier, if you're not willing to have this girl around, then you might as well just accept that she'll probably spill the beans.

No need to apologize for being blunt, I don't like when people are afraid to say what they really think.

I admit it, this situation is mostly our fault. I hope she's bluffing, but she can be quite petty so I don't think she is.

I do feel sorry for her, but we've tried talking to her, asking her to try and get along with us more, trying to avoid the stuff that annoys us about her, and it just isn't possible. She's talked about moving school, and I honestly think that'd be better for her. She's made the wrong impression at our school, and, for all the second chances, she doesn't seem to be able to change it. Maybe the best thing really is just to try and move on from this as soon as possible.

If your friend would bring it up to her father first, it might have a better outcome than from this vindictive girl. I didn't say an excellent outcome, but being honest with ones parents does carry a little bit of merit, versus say an aquaintence tattle tailing to the parent.

I think it would be important to set whatever boundaries you need with the annoying girl, not being cruel to her about it, but not being mysterious or evasive about the issue. Maybe she could seek counseling or advice from a teacher about how to make friends, how to be a friend, and how to build a positive reputation based on healthy character traits.

If you feel you have already been clear enough about your boundaries and what is appropriate for her to join in on with you, you might have to consider encouraging her to take up the issue of moving to a new school with her parents. There have got to be some positives to her trying a new environment and being able to start with a fresh group of people, and you could be friendly by helping her look at those positives.

It's likely that she'll just repeat the process at a new school.

Either way it sounds like she's going to be the one coming up with the short stick. Either she gets barely tolerated by "friends" who can't stand her, or she gets to be the one to lose her "friends". Meanwhile you guys will have each other to get through the repercussions of the secret being let loose.

It's gonna be worse for her either way, but if you can't muster the compassion to tolerate her than you should cut her loose. Also, it's easier to make a threat than to go through with it. What goes around comes around though.

I admire that, especially from a female. On this site, blunt honesty seems to be shunned.

That said, I empathize with the blackmailer most. Although what she's doing is underhanded, based on the story, I'm surprised she's not on this site wondering what's wrong with her socially. She sounds possibly AS to me. On the other hand, you seem to have a social circle, seem to like dropping hints, and then finally flat out ejected the person you didn't like. Are you sure you're not NT?, because this sounds like classic NT behavior.