literally hopeless

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nobody loves me. nobody thinks about me. all anybody knows about me is 2nd or 3rdhand hearsay. i took an entire bottle of sleeping Pills last week and barely survived. nobody did anything hing but shun me more. fourth or fifth time ive attempted. to scared to do any more than just myself in a situation where theres a good chance i wont survive. Im am quickly becoming less afraid of just stabbing myself in theneck. I have put out so many cigarettes on myself that physical ppain might as wellbe just another emotion. I am struggling not to burn out my eyes so that mqybe sombody will hold my hand somtimes. Im 25 with aspergers diagnosed when i was 22 and my family wont change thier opinions they built over my childhood. I spent 80 days in jail for telling a faamily member that i would shove his car up his ass if he didnt stop ignoring my calls. In jail they put me in a safety cell which is a rubber room. They take your clothes and make you lift your balls and spread your butt cheeks. Im uncircumsized so i guess they think people would hide a weapon there. Humilating and i have nightmares. The safety cells in the male section were full so i had to be violated by female guards. Now women give me anxiety attcks and i imagine these other feelings are similar to being a molestation victim. Female inmates could look into my cell. If i ever go back to jail and they try to do i again, theyll regret it. I am positive now that i willnever have a wife which WAS my only hope at happiness. Taking all this into account, and being completely unbiased the only answer to my problems is death.BUT I WONT BE AROUND TO ENJOY IT!! Im so sick of everything. Maybe i should start doing drugs, it works for my dad...

I forgot that looking for help opens me up to more rejection

Being dead sucks..you know?

The first thing you should do is sue that jail.
People feel free to correct me but you can't do jail time for threatening someone.
Let alone threatening to shove a car up someones ass...its rather unlikely you would ever try and make good on that threat.
Furthermore female guards are not allowed to be anywhere near you during a strip search nor are they allowed to leave you there naked.
Again people correct me if I'm wrong. But it sounds like he has a very good case.

The next thing you should do is tell your family to f**k off and get restraining orders on them.

After that I don't have a clue but its a start and beats being dead.

nobody believes me about anything. ive been labeled. i have to cower down because he sais he will lie to the cops and im still on probation so i will spend a loooong time in an actual prison. im ruined and i cant get a redo. my family hates me because sitting still for hours to fish or hunt gave me a panic attack. i spent all my time reading and had a college reading level in 3rd grade and it broke my heart when nobody was prroud of me. my birthday was last week and nobody noticed. i went to xmas last year and just watched from veryone else givegifts and accept mine. did everyone need to get a ton of fudge? did my brother Really need 3 bags? couldnt i have one? i could die right now and, as long as it doesnt leave a mess, nothing will Change except that i wont suffer any more.

i want to cut myself so badly but i dont want to get in trouble. I EXIST!! ! SOMEBODY NOTICE!! !!

Please don't hurt yourself. Life is s**t sometimes (quite often actually), but hurting yourself doesn't help. I know it's difficult not to (I hit my head a lot) but please, don't do it. I wish I had answers and I wish I could help you. I'm afraid I can't but please know that we're here for you. Rant, vent, scream. Do it here. That's what this place is for.

i just want to matter to somebody.

we all know what its like to be dead. we were dead for bllions of years before we were born. i dont remember it Being bad. if you have nobody whobwill mourn you, the only downside is that killng yourself is just as terifying as somebody else trying to kill you. actually, when my uncle put his shotgunbin my face, it was more exciting than scary. i told my mom i am suicidal so she left for the night. all our knives are to dull. death by my own hands is inevitqble unless somebody kills me first

i no longer see women and think about thier beauty. now i see one and think"what kind of sadistic plan is she working on?" i used to only be comfortable talking about my personal problems with females but i will not give them any information to use against. in my experience, they are nothing but liars and tricksters that think theyre better than men. hate me if you wnt, everybody else does.

whatever, bye

Called a suicide hotline and they didnt want to talk to me anymore because i couldnt tell them what i needed them to say.N shouldnt they know that? Im taking a bunch of pills wish me luck.

I don't have a high opinion of psychiatry, but in your case:
please go to the next hospital with a psych department and have yourself committed (tell them you're suicidal).

There's just no way anyone on here can help you in an acute crisis.
I'm not going to insult you by telling you there's an easy solution for all your problems, however you're clearly not in the right frame of mind to think rationally, so you shouldn't make any other decisions right now (besides getting help).

Been in the icu at the hospital snce my last post. Nohings changed. I dont understand how it affected nobody

Im home now. I was in the hospital for taking all my medications. Furious that one of the nurses took my pants off while i was asleep. I dont even know why they did.